I'm Not The One
by arreyellewebb
Summary: He lied for her; He kept her secret and didn't breathe a word to anyone. He thought it was nothing serious... Oh how wrong he was./ Sam drinks at a party and soon, it becomes an addiction. Can Freddie save her before she falls off of the edge? Rated M for alcohol consumption and sexual themes.
1. Daddy's Girl

*Hey you all! New story even though I'm in the middle of like three other ones! I just have so many ideas! I'm so sorry for all of you waiting for my other stories! Grrr sorry! I'm going to try this first part in Freddie's POV though… * -Ariel

**FREDDIE POV**

{That night, we all had a drink; even Carly. We figured we would just try it out, to see what it was like. None of us thought anything about it. Or so I thought. }

"Hey Fredaroonie, go get me a drink will ya?" Sam said resting her head against the wall and half closing her eyes. We were sitting on the fire escape; Sam never drank around Carly but was often drunk around her.

"Sam, you've had at least 3 drinks and it's only 5. We have to record iCarly soon and I would love to do it while you're somewhat sober." I said, slightly annoyed and very worried.

Now don't get me wrong. I hate Sam as much as any other nerd she tortures; But, as much as I hate to admit it, she's one of my best friends. She'll never admit it, but she's addicted; Just like her dad was. She doesn't know that I know what happened with her dad.

_I had come by her house to get my pear pod back because she took it, again. Her mom answered the door and said she wasn't home. I'd seen a picture of a man who looked a lot like Sam behind her back on a fireplace._

"_Is that Sam's dad?" I asked her mother, pointing to the picture. She just looked at me for a moment; getting that hesitant but strong look in her eyes that Sam often got. _

"_Yes, that's Sam's father. Sam didn't tell you anything about him?" She spoke slowly, hesitantly. _

"_Nope. She's never really mentioned him. What uh… What happened to him?" I replied, watching for her reaction. She sighed and held the door open wider, stepping back so I could enter._

"_Well, come on in. I guess I could tell you; But don't tell Sam." She said as I stepped through the door and looked around. This was the only time I'd been to Sam's house; Carly had given me the address but couldn't come with me. _

_It was very average. A red couch, a few chairs, a fireplace, and a TV being the bigger things in the room. I could see an Xbox next to the TV and the controllers and all of that on top of it. I looked down at the gray carpet and saw a stain a little bit lighter than the carpet; nobody else would notice it as easily but I guess I have an eye for that kind of thing. _

_Sam's mom motioned for me to sit down and I sat in one of the black chairs. It felt weird being in this empty house with Sam's mother, awkward. She sat in the other chair across from me, closest to the fireplace and the picture. _

"_Sam's father… He and I met in High School, high school sweethearts. He was a 'bully' I guess; Always messing with the weaker kids. Sam got that from him, her aggression. But anyway, back then he was way into all the partying and drinking and drugs. I was an outcast, so we kind of clicked. We were together from when we were 17 until we were 24."_

"_I had Sam when I was 18 and he stayed around; tried to be a better father than his was. We never married. Sam was a typical Daddy's girl. They did so much together; Ball games, carnivals, they both loved food… Ham, steak, ribs, we had more meat than a butcher. But then… when Sam was 6…" _

_She paused, and her eyes started to water, "He started drinking more. He got so angry, and she was so young… He scared her sometimes, I know it. He yelled and screamed at her when she sat waiting up for him when he went out to get wasted. She'd lie on the couch and eat ribs or ham or something until he got home. He'd push her off of the couch and yell and pass out. He was hurting her more and more… and I just couldn't put her through that anymore. So I…" She took a deep breath and blinked away the tears. _

_She had been looking ahead, eyes focused on memories I couldn't see, she looked at me then. "I told him to leave. I told him I was tired of him messing up out daughter. He of course was drunk and got angry. It was the biggest fight we had ever had. I had bruises, he had bruises, and I finally pushed him out the door, praying that Sam didn't wake up. I threw all of his stuff out of the window and we haven't seen him since. He hasn't called, he won't write. Sam didn't take that well and refuses to talk about him. She still takes an interest in food and watched every football game she's home for. But I can't help but think I lost my boyfriend and my little girl." _

_Sam's mother bit her lip and stood up, not giving me a chance to react. I checked my watch for the time, 8:14._

"I guess Sam should be home soon then_." I stood up also and we both walked to the door. I could tell she was done talking about the subject so I just held my hand out,_

"_It was nice to meet you Ms. Puckett. Thank you and I'm sorry for all of your troubles." She shook my hand and I started to walk home. All I could think about was Sam. Why didn't she tell me? Why didn't she tell Carly? I knew Carly didn't know because she'd asked me if I knew one time. Sam has kept such a big secret for so long… So much pain… _

_I thought of Sam differently that night. Like knowing that had made other mysterious things about her make sense. That was the day where I figured out one of her biggest secrets. And the first night I dreamt about her._

"Come on Loser. Just one drink." Sam pleaded; opening her eyes a little and gave me a puppy dog face. Sam may have been wasted; but she still managed to make me feel so guilty I wanted to bring her a whole keg just to make her happy. _Be strong Freddie. This isn't the first time you let her beat you. _

I shook my head, "No, Sam. You've done enough drinking for the day. You've done enough drinking for the week. You're underage anyway so technically, what you're doing is illegal and…"

Sam groaned, cutting me off. She slumped her shoulders and pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her head on her knees. I sighed and turned back to my laptop. I had been searching 'underage alcoholics', I'd read a few pages and sites but none of them were of any use; they were mostly just facts and prevention and why it's so bad and all that.

_Wait. Why am I even doing this? After all the shit she's been doing to me all these years, shouldn't I just let her get in trouble? _I closed the window and shut my laptop looking over at Sam. She, or course, had passed out. With her eyes closed and stray hairs falling over her face, her lips looked pink and moist, and I hate to admit it, but she looked really beautiful…

_Jeez Freddie shut up. This is the girl who told the whole web that you'd never kissed anyone! The one who's been hitting you and pranking you and insulting you for years! Stop being such a pansy. _I pulled my phone out and checked the time. She's been sleeping for about 15 minutes, and her last drink was almost an hour ago, so any minute now…

Suddenly, Sam's eyes flew open and she opened her mouth. I reached behind me and grabbed the small black trash bin I'd kept here for when this happened. In less than a minute she was bent over it and I was holding her hair as she vomited. I hated how it always smelled like whatever she'd been drinking; this time it was vodka, her favorite. After a few minutes she finally sat up and I handed her one of the paper towels I also kept here. As I watched her wipe her face I started to think. _Why is it always me? Why do I always have to clean up every fucking mess she makes? Why am I wasting my life like she is? I could be doing so much right now… Well actually I guess I don't really have anything to do… Ugh. I have to do something about this. _I was starting to get angry at Sam when I felt my phone vibrate, a text from Carly.

**Hey is Sam here yet? You ready to do iCarly? *CarlyBoo***

**Yea she just got here. We'll be over in a minute. **

I quickly typed a reply and slipped my phone and laptop into my backpack. Sam saw me moving and started to zip her bag too, pulling an empty liquor bottle out and throwing it into the distance.

"You know I hate it when you do that." I said shaking my head at her.

"Oh get over it." She replied pulling out a pack of gum and popping two pieces in her mouth. I pulled a Ziploc bag with her alcohol toothbrush and toothpaste and gave it to her, so she could excuse herself and brush her teeth while Carly and I set up.

"How do I look?" She asked turning toward me. I took in her messy hair and tired expression.

"Tell her you just woke up, make sure you brush your hair too," I told her and picked up our bags, handing her hers and putting mine on my back. I gave her the once over one more time and took a deep breath.

"Try not to make it obvious that you're wasted. You ready?" I asked her and she nodded. We stepped out of the escape and made our way to Carly's apartment.

*Kay, sorry you all this chapter ended in a crappy way, instead of all suspense filled (: Ah, Favorite for Carly's awesome signature! I've never been drunk so sorry if I get some of the facts wrong -_- I feel all bad because my stories involve Sam being the one in trouble and Freddie the one helping her :[ I tried to convince myself it was because his mom was crazy but I might have to do one where _he's _the one with the problem. Maybe he'll join a gang or something. Idk but if you have any ideas or suggestions please share. :D Anyway, thank you for reading (: I hope you enjoyed. –Ariel*


	2. The Night Everything Changed

*Hey everyone (: No reviews last chapter ): Grrr. I decided to make this chapter all about what happened that night at the party so it's pretty short. I might re-edit this later and go into deeper description. Please R&R! Thank you faithful readers (: -Ariel*

"_Sam! Give me my math homework!" Freddie yelled as he chased the blonde to their lockers._

"_Aaaww, is widdle Fweddie boo afraid to get an F?" Sam taunted, she ran to the nearby trash bin and held the paper above it._

"_Sam NO! Give it!" Freddie ran up and tried to grab his homework but Sam tore a small rip right in the middle of the paper._

"_Don't come any closer or I'll rip it all the way!" She threatened and Freddie stepped back, his eyes glued to the paper. _

"_Sam, give me my paper!" Freddie pleaded and Sam smirked._

"_I might. If you… Lick Gibby's arm," Sam decided when she saw Gibby calmly walking down the hall. Freddie's eyes widened in disgust._

"_You want me to... Lick Gibby's arm, to get my math homework back?" Freddie asked, confused._

"_Yes. Hey Gibb-O! Get over here!" Sam yelled to Gibby. Gibby turned around and slowly walked over to the two,_

"_Look, Sam, whatever it is, I can't today. My girlfriend went on vacation for a week and I'm depressed." Gibby said, a sad look coming to his face. No one knows how Gibby had managed to get such a pretty girl, but they were good together._

"_That's okay Gibb. I don't need anything. But Fredalous does," Sam said smirking at Freddie. Freddie gulped and took a deep breath before grabbing Gibby's arm and pressing his tongue quickly down on it. _

"_Oh Puh-lease! That was nothing! Give him a big old' lick Freddisson!" Sam prompted. Before Gibby could argue, Freddie licked his arm from his wrist half way up his arm. Sam cheered and whooped and Freddie snatched his homework out of her hand. _

"_Thanks for your services Gibb-O. Now scram." Sam said slapping the back of his head, and without another word, Gibby took off down the hall. Sam walked over to Freddie, who was stealthily downing a water bottle from his locker. She looked at him and burst out laughing._

"_Sam that was not funny." Freddie frowned, but before Sam could respond, Carly walked up to them._

"_Hey, what's up?" She asked opening her locker and putting her books up and turning toward the scowling friends. "Oh what'd you two do now?" She crossed her arms and waited for a response._

"_Nothing. Never mind," Freddie sighed and turned back to his own locker. _

"_Hey Carly Sam and Freddie!" Caitlin Walker greeted the three as she walked toward them._

"_Hey,"_

"_Hi,"_

"_Hello,"_

"_I'm having a party tonight. My parents are going to visit my grandparents in Minnesota, 8 o'clock, you all in?" Caitlin asked. The three exchanged a glance. Carly spoke up,_

"_Um, well we might. We have to see what else we have going on. Thanks for inviting us! We might see you tonight!" Carly said and waved as Caitlin walked away._

"_Are we going?" Freddie asked as soon as she disappeared._

"_I don't like her." Sam said simply._

"_We have nothing better to do," Carly nodded._

"_True…" Freddie agreed._

"_I don't like her." Sam said again._

"_Free food," Freddie said and Sam pursed her lips. Carly and Freddie looked at her, waiting for her to decide._

"_Fine. But only for the food. If she tries to talk to me, I'm hitting her so hard she'll fly to Spain." Sam concluded and turned off for her next class right when the bell rang. Carly and Freddie exchanged a look before scurrying off to their classes._

_{Later that Night}_

"_Hey Spencer can I borrow your car?" Carly asked Spencer, she had told Sam and Freddie she would pick them up at 8:00. They figured with the 10 minute drive, they would be just late enough to not be stared at. _

"_What for?" Spencer asked, putting another pop cap on his latest masterpiece- some kind of pop cap sculpture. _

"_Oh Sam and Freddie and I are just going to a crazy wild party. We won't be home until late." Carly said half-jokingly, even though it was true._

"_Oh okay. Take your phone. Keys are on the counter. Carly laughed and walked past Spencer and his art and grabbed his keys off of the counter. She grabbed her jacket and headed across the hall to Freddie's._

"_You ready?" He asked when he opened the door. _

"_Yep. Got Spencer's car keys. Let's go," They walked to the parking lot; Carly got in the driver's seat and Freddie got in the back, knowing Sam would sit in front either way. Carly drover to Sam's house, where Sam was waiting outside, hand on hip and tapping her foot._

"_About freaking time. I'm starving." Sam growled as she climbed into the front seat of the truck. Carly giggled and turned the radio up. The three sang along to random songs they didn't know until they pulled up to Caitlin's house. They could tell the party was already in full swing, but the three hesitated._

"_So are we going in or not?" Sam demanded. Carly looked over at her,_

"_Well, this is sorta my first party and…" She trailed off._

"_It'll be fine. It's my first party too," Freddie reassured from the back seat._

"_Well that makes three of us. Come on you two, kick back. We need to relax, stop stressing about everything. Now I want you two to make me a promise. Tonight, we are going to have _fun_! Understand? Promise me!" Sam declared and stuck her pinky out. Carly hesitantly reached her pinky out and locked it around Sam's. Sam turned around and held her pinky out to Freddie…_

_They did have fun that night. They danced and sang along to the radio playing. Carly found herself clung to a cutie from school named Derrick with black hair and green eyes; the two flirting and talking all night. The three met up at one point to go get something to drink. All they found in Caitlin's kitchen was her parents' alcohol. They agreed to have one drink, and Carly would still be sober enough to drive home. One drink was the agreement, but Sam longed for more. _

Freddie thought back to the night all of their lives had changed, the night that might have messed Sam's up more than she realizes. He thought back to when Sam had held her finger out to him; He looked into her twinkling and innocent looking blue eyes, before locking his pinky with hers.


	3. Everclear

*Hello all (: I have a really good feeling about this chapter! Please R&R! Thank you my loyal readers. Make a great day! –Ariel*

[A few days later]

Sam texts Carly to see if she wants to hang out.

**Hey Carles, wanna go to the mall? **

Her phone buzzed a few minutes later

**Sorry, I'm going to the movies with Derrick *CarlyBoo***

Sam sighed and heaved herself off of the couch. Wondering what she could do today. She walked into the kitchen and looked through the fridge, pulling out some bacon she could cook. She looked around and checked the time on the microwave, 1:42 pm. Her mother should be at work right now and wouldn't be home until around six. She slowly walked across the kitchen to her mother's alcohol cabinet. She had been drinking from it for weeks but her mother never notices because she can never remember how much she drank last time she got drunk. Sam poked around to see if she'd bought anything new… Vodka, gin, tequila, whiskey, rum, beer, red wine… Everclear. Sam curiously pulled out the Everclear bottle and checked the percentage, 95%. _Damn. Even I know that's a lot. I'll text Freddie and tell him to come over so he can make sure I don't do something _too_ stupid. _Sam walked into the living room and flung herself onto the couch, clicking the TV on and grabbing her phone off of the new glass coffee table.

Her mom was dangerous around garage sales, always finding something cool, but totally not useful. She limited herself though; to buy food for the many boyfriends she brings home. Sam's mom is drop dead gorgeous, at 5'5 with a nice complexion and rosy cheeks, her blonde hair much lighter than Sam's and her petite frame. She was often bringing home men, from who knows where, who would eat all of the food in the house and call Sam 'Toots' or 'Sweetie'. Sam only liked being home when her Mom was at work and the house was man free.

Sam unlocked her phone and texted Freddie.

**Hey nerdzilla. Come over.**

She laid her phone on her stomach and picked up the remote, flipping through channels. Her phone buzzed and lit up.

**Why? So you don't get too wasted? You really think I'll be able to stop you? **

Sam sighed.

**I'll save you some bacon. Please.**

Freddie, on the other end, still got that momentary shock every time Sam said please. He may have gotten used to the drinking; but he would never get used to that. He tried to think of some kind of excuse, anything else he had to do; but he knew it was all in vain. He refused to admit to himself that Sam's the only person he hangs out with. Carly's completely oblivious to anything or anyone that wasn't Derrick. And Sam's actually pretty cool sometimes, when she isn't razzing on him. He sighed and gave in.

**Be there in ten. Start the bacon. Don't burn the house down.**

He grabbed his house keys and his mom's car keys, Grateful that she was distracted watching some kind of marathon of one of her favorite soap operas, and headed out the door. His phone buzzed when he sat in the driver's seat.

**Thanks MOM.**

Freddie rolled his eyes and pulled out of the parking lot.

Meanwhile, Sam was at home arranging bacon on the skillet. _He is such a nerd. But he _is_ my nerd. _She smirked as she waited for the bacon to brown. She walked to the cabinet and pulled the Everclear out, setting it on the counter and checked the bacon.

There was a knock at the door right when she was setting the bacon on a plate.

"It's open" She shouted as she stuck a piece in her mouth. She heard Freddie open the door and make his way into the kitchen.

"Hey, when did you get a coffee table?" He asked, shrugging out of his coat.

"Last week" Sam replied. She froze and so did the bacon that was halfway to her mouth.

"Wait. How did you know I didn't have a coffee table?" She spun around and looked at him suspiciously.

_Shit. You and your mouth Benson. _Freddie thought as he racked his brain for an excuse.

"Uh… I didn't. You just don't seem like the kind to have one. You're more like… you'd rather throw things on the ground than put them on a table." He stammered. Sam looked at him a little while longer.

_How the hell did he…? Screw it. I'll figure that out later. _Sam shook her head and turned back to the bacon.

"Whatever," Freddie looked down at the counter,

"Ah, I see you've decided to try something new?" Freddie grabbed the bottle and walked over to the stove, grabbing a piece of bacon and popping it into his mouth. He read the bottle,

"95%! Sam, that's crazy! Do you know what drinking vodka and beer and all the other crap you drink does to you? Think of what this will do! You're practically lighting your heart and liver and brain on fire!" Freddie ranted.

"Jeez chill out Freddulupa. I'm fine. Look at me," She said pointing at herself and looking down as Freddie's eyes slowly traveled up and down her body, "I'm fine." She declared; grabbing the bottle and heading to the living room.

Freddie shook his head. _I've gotta stop this. She's just so damn stubborn though. _He grabbed the plate of bacon, a cup, and some orange juice from the fridge, before following Sam into the living room, and plopping down next to her on the couch. He grabbed the bottle from Sam and poured a small amount into the cup, before pouring orange juice in on top of it. He slowly shook it to try and mix the two together, and handed it to Sam.

"I can't believe I'm doing this." He muttered. Sam ignored him and downed the cup, letting her head fall back and rest on the back of the couch. She felt the familiar haziness crawling over her from the alcohol and smiled to herself.

"More," She ordered. Freddie sighed, but mixed the drink and handed it to her.

"That's it, this stuff is so strong you'll be drunk in no time." Freddie said. Sam drank this cup slower, letting the concoction slide down her throat, ignoring the burn of the alcohol. She leaned back and let it take her in.

Freddie watched her for a minute, as she closed her eyes and smiled to herself. _I wouldn't be doing this if it didn't make her so happy. When she's wasted, she's calmer than ever… _Freddie reached over her and grabbed the remote. He flipped through channels before settling on a SpongeBob rerun. They watched SpongeBob and the gang for a while.

Sam turned her head to the side and peered at him. She started giggling uncontrollably and Freddie warily turned around.

"What?" He asked, but that just caused her to giggle even more. Her body shook and Freddie reached his hand over to steady her.

(FreddiePOV)

"Sam. What are you laughing about?" I asked as she giggled and squirmed all over the couch. She looked at me, those dead blue eyes were gone for now; Right now, they were glazed over, happy.

This should've made me happy; but it didn't. Her happiness is good; and in this happiness, she doesn't hurt me as much; but I can't help but feel it's only fake; temporary. As soon as her bubbly high went, she would become the same cruel, and hurting Sam. I don't know if she's still hurting over her dad, but sometimes, when I look in her eyes, I see sadness. I shouldn't care. I tell myself that all the time; but for some odd reason, I do.

Her eyes used to sparkle, they used to glisten and shine with thoughts and ideas the rest of us could only imagine. She used to be funny and energetic; But she'd let go. She'd been running along, feeling the wind and about to soar. When she drank that first drink though, she'd run off of a cliff and had been grasping for dear life. I could see her now, getting closer and closer to falling headfirst to the ground, but I couldn't do anything about it. She's about to fall.

I looked at her, still giggling and sitting beside me on the couch. I compared her like this to my mental picture of her before all of this happened. Before, it seemed like everything had come so easily to her, everything was simple and clear. Now, you never know. I wake up every morning and go to the fire escape to see if she's passed out there, waiting for me. I never know if I'll wake up and she won't be there; if, by some miracle, she won't be drunk or getting ready to _be_ drunk. She's depending on the alcohol to survive. Her dad left years ago though, what else could have happened, or triggered her memory of him leaving?

Tears feel from her eyes and I snapped back to reality.

"_What_ is so funny, Sam!" I asked, feeling myself panic. Maybe I should've read more about this Everclear stuff before I let her get wasted on it. She stopped laughing uncontrollably and looked at me. She smiled and giggled softly at my confused expression.

"You have pretty eyes…" She slurred softly, gazing up at me. _Did she just say that? _

_{_Sam's thinking_, *did I just say that? Out loud?}_

_Weird. She's never said anything this weird while she was drunk. This Everclear stuff… I knew it. I had a BAD feeling about this. _

Sam giggled again and I looked over at her. She reached her hand out and laid it on my cheek, slowly moving it back and forth; Feeling my skin.

"You… really soft… cheeks" She said drowsily, not moving her hand from my face. _What the hell is she doing? _

_{Sam's thinking: What the HELL are you doing! Stop it! PLEASE. EW. I think I'm going to vomit on my own face.} _

Sam was just kind of looking at me now. I felt awkward. I didn't really know what to do so I cleared my throat and stood up. I began walking to the kitchen, when I saw Sam stand out of the corner of my eye. I stopped in my tracks and looked at her, wondering if I should go over and help her so she won't fall. She was looking at me as she stood and I returned her gaze. I stared into those blue eyes for a while, wondering what she was thinking about.

She broke away first and slowly made her way to me. I held my arms out in case she started to fall. I don't know _what_ we were doing but I figured maybe she wanted me to get her food or walk her to her room or something. She ignored my hands and stepped right up in my face. We were both silent, I wanted to say something but I didn't know what I could say; so instead, we both stood there, breathing heavily. I could smell the alcohol in her breath but I had become used to it from her helping her up and holding her hair while she vomits. She reached her hand up to my face without warning and all I could do was stare at her as she leaned in toward me and pressed her lips to mine.

Her mouth was sweet, and warm. I didn't react at first, confused and scared. Then, something went off inside of me; As if there was a monster inside of me. I gave in. Her body felt small and warm as I felt myself wrap my hands around her waist. She took this as a signal and her lips parted and she let her tongue slip into my mouth. My heart was beating out of my chest and I couldn't feel my knees; the room felt hot and cool at the same time and I couldn't think straight.

Some part of me had lifted her onto a nearby end table. My hands were everywhere; and hers were running through my hair and touching all over my face. Her lips pulled away from my lips and were suddenly at my neck. She was kissing up and down my neck and making her way up my jaw. I melted and she sloppily ran her lips over mine; Still managing to tease me even as she was drunk as hell and all over me. She nibbled on my ear and I forgot who or where I was. She connected her lips back with mine and started fumbling with the buttons on my shirt. She was halfway done, when my phone buzzed.

I felt as if I was just knocked off of the bed from a deep sleep and an incredible dream. I pulled away and pulled my phone out of my pocket. One New Text Message; Mom. Of course.

**Fredward. Do you have my car? Where are you? Can you go get some ointment from the pharmacy on your way home? **

I sighed and put my phone in my pocket; shyly looking over at Sam. She was gazing at me, looking tired. I smiled at her and her lip lifted slightly. I laughed to myself,

"Let's get you to sleep I guess." I struggled to sound calm and playful even though my head and heart were both on fire. I picked her up, honeymoon style, and carried her to her room. I pushed the door open and set her on the edge of the bed. This was the first time I'd seen her room, shockingly. Usually she just got wasted and stuff at my house or on the fire escape, or even at Carly's sometimes. I looked around, it was actually pretty plain; A bed with a blue comforter, A wooden desk, nightstand, computer, TV, closet, and a few random trinkets. I pulled the blanket back and laid her on the green striped sheets, pulling the blanket over her.

She fell asleep almost instantly and I gazed down at her. _What just happened in there? _I wondered to myself. She looked so calm and peaceful as she slept, mouth slightly open and blank looking face. I smiled at her lack of hostility at the moment and sighed once again. I looked at her once more before cleaning up and heading home.

My head was way too muddled up to wait for her to wake up.


	4. Confrontations

*Me: You Love Freddie!

Sam: Do not!

Me: Then why'd you kiss him?

Sam: I was drunk

Me: Exactly. That's what makes it true.

Sam: Shut up

Me: Haha.

Sorry this took an extra week. Microsoft was being stupid. Intense stuff here though! Haha, enjoy! Review! Make a great day! –Ariel*

**Third Person POV**

Brrrrrrrrrrriiiiinnng! Freddie half jumped at the first bell at school on Monday. He had arrived a few minutes late because his mother insisted she give him a tick bath because, 'You just never know. They come out of nowhere you know? And no son of mine is going to get them!' He spent ten minutes trying to talk her out of it and dodge her.

Freddie had stopped caring for the tick baths long ago but he just didn't want her to chaperone him. Not only was it highly embarrassing and unnecessary; but he also didn't want her to see the hickeys all over the lower part of his neck. He'd managed to find a shirt to hide them, except for one, which he told her, was a mosquito bite and warily dodged her questions on that. He finally talked her out of it, but with only a few minutes until the first bell rang to signal the starting of school. He pecked her cheek goodbye and borrowed her car to drive to school.

After receiving his late pass, he headed to his locker. As he got near, he saw Sam's wavy blonde hair and her small frame sticking her face in her locker. Freddie casually walked up to their lockers and faced her.

When Freddie had gotten home last night he'd been a mental and emotional wreck; causing new worries and theories for his mother; she had freaked her out when he had walked in that night; but didn't say much because her marathon was still on. He didn't know how he felt about the kiss and what to make out of it. All he knew was that, for some reason, it felt good. Sure, they'd done it before, once, but it was _nothing_ compared to what happened between them at Sam's.

What happened there was so wrong; but it felt so _right_. It was like their lips were meant to form against each other; their bodies built to fit. But it was wrong. They weren't _together_, and they probably never will be. Freddie had tried not to think so much about how it was right and wrong, at least until he talked to her.

Freddie was worried that she wouldn't remember what had happened; too drunk to remember. Of course he, always sober while she was out, remembered everything; the way her lips were soft, moist, and warm against his lips and neck; and how her hands felt as they disheveled his hair. He had replayed the scene over and over again as he lay in bed that night, unable to sleep; too wound up and anxious. He scolded himself for obsessing over it; she was drunk, not like she meant it – or even that it would happen again. Silly of him to think that she actually has feeling for him; they been frenemies for years… they loathe each other.

"Hey." He says flatly and she turned to face him. He saw that she had a sandwich crammed into her mouth; she arched an eyebrow and continued to chew.

"Hey, what's up?" She asked as she finished chewing her bite and took another one. She turned toward her locker and checked her phone.

"Just got here. Why aren't you in class?" He asked, still facing her and she took another bite and snorted.

"Of course," He answered his own question. She continued to eat her sandwich while Freddie tried to gather up his nerves. _Should I just bring it up? I'm already late for class anyway... Well it's Science. I can get the notes from someone there and I already finished the assignments for the next two weeks. This might be the only chance I get; next time, I might've chickened out. _Freddie thought to himself.

After a few minutes of silence – the only sound being their breathing and her chewing – Freddie finally couldn't take it.

"We need to talk." He blurted in a tone so strange Sam turned toward him and put her phone back in her backpack.

"About what Freddison?" She said through a full mouth. _She honestly doesn't remember? _Freddie thought. He was silent as she took another bite, almost done. They looked at each other for a moment, Sam looking blankly, and Freddie trying to read her eyes for any hint of recognition of what he could possibly be talking about. He could tell she had no clue _what_ he was talking about so he looked around to make sure no one was around to see. Freddie reached up and yanked the neckline of his shirt down, revealing the pinkish-reddish hickeys all over the area. He saw Sam's eyes widen and sort of bulge out; probably wondering how, or who…; probably not making the connection that her lips were the ones that had left the marks on his skin.

"About these!" Freddie hissed and Sam started choking on the piece of sandwich she was chewing.

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*separate* {Commercial break! (: Haha. Intense, right? Enjoy!}

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**Sam's POV**

A piece of the delicious Ham and Turkey sandwich I was eating got stuck in my throat and I started to choke as I stared at Fredloser's neck.

Freddie gasped and started hitting my back as I choked on the sandwich and I pushed him away, coughing up the piece into a nearby garbage can. I was speechless. I had a lot to say; but I just couldn't move my mouth to speak. So I just stood, gaping at him like an idiot.

_Who_ gave him a _hickey_? Or multiple hickeys at that. Wasn't he with me yesterday? Well, most of yesterday; unless… Is Carly cheating on Derrick? With _Freddie?_ I mean they are neighbors so… Ugh. I felt bile rise up my throat as I thought of them, sneaking around and hiding some kind of secret love. That's just nasty. But why am I feeling… mad? Why do I care if she cheats on Derrick? I have nothing to get out of it.

Or maybe, Freddie has a new… Ugh. I can't even _think_ that. It's no big deal anyway right? Why should I care if he finds a nerd girlfriend?

Ugh! Sam. You have to compose yourself! All of this thinking is making my head hurt. I straightened up and tried my best to compose myself and pointed a finger at him.

"Who gave _you_ that?" I asked, trying to laugh it off. He just kind of looked at me for a minute, face blank. I was starting to get uncomfortable and started to shift my eyes and scratch my ear and other twitchy and nervous movements. We had to have been standing there for like five or ten minutes before he finally spoke.

"Sam, don't you remember?" He asked as if I should know. What? Was I _there_? When it happened? EW. What the hell _does_ he do while I'm wasted? Did he have someone over? I racked my brain and tried to remember _something_ about last night.

And then I saw it. I don't know what the hell it was but all of a sudden a picture flashed through my brain. So fast I barely saw it. I thought harder and harder, looking for the picture. When it came, I held onto it and I finally remembered something about last night.

I kissed Freddie. The memory I was looking at was me pulling him closer, His lips only inches away and then, me filling the gap; Not him. Me.

How did I-? Why did I-? Oh. My. Ham. I still hadn't really processed what I had done and I didn't want _anyone_ to be around when I did. Because if I remembered something else and someone else was around – especially Freddie – I don't know _what_ that would do to me. I hadn't been attracted to him before? I mean, sure he's kinda cute when he does that smirk thing; and when he's running; But I figured… I don't know what I figured. I don't know anything right now. All of my past ethics and morals don't apply anymore. I crossed the line. I'm not Sam anymore.

"Sam?" Freddie asked and I realized that I hadn't answered his question and quite a while had passed as I thought some of this out.

Part of me hoped that I was wrong. That maybe, just maybe, my memory was just jacked and that didn't really happen.

The other part, just wanted to be sure.

"Are you saying…?" I choked out and looked down. I didn't want him to see the sudden red flush my cheeks. I peeked up at him and he had an expression I didn't really notice. He cleared his throat and looked around.

"Uh… Yeah." He said awkwardly, probably wishing he could disappear just as much as I did.

Wait. Why would _he_ want to be the one to disappear? Is kissing me _that _bad? Because that dorkwad should be grateful; why would I kiss him if I were sober?

And just like that, I was pissed. I felt my hand rise up and slap him across the face. He staggered backward and put his hands over his face. I could feel the adrenaline and anger flowing freely through me now.

He finally moved his hands and I saw that his nose was bleeding.

"What the hell?" He yelled and I looked around to see if anyone had come out or heard his loud exclamation. I shook my head and raised my hand again.

But before it could make a solid connection with his face, he had it. I froze. He… _stopped_ me? When the hell did he get so strong? His hand was firm and warm on mine and it was enough to make me pause, stop moving and clear my head. I felt the anger slither out of my body, calm and realization taking its place. I looked at him and I couldn't tell if he was pissed or shocked. I slowly shook my head and started it back up, trying to slip my hand out of his. He didn't let go though, just kept moving backward with me. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, I was shocked. He was so… in control right now. He stood up to me. I felt something foreign pulse through my veins and suddenly, I had a longing, an urge. I felt my back hit a locker and he was still holding my half extended hand in the air.

This foreign feeling pulsing through my body. It made my heart ache and suddenly, for some reason, I wanted him closer. I would do anything for him to pull me closer, hold me tighter; Merge his body with mine and become one. My thoughts were coherent and there was a voice, somewhere inside of me that was saying "What the hell?" But I couldn't hear it, couldn't find it right now. My eyes were glued to his. He looked firm now; not mad and not shocked anymore. Just in control, and that turned me on.

"Okay look. Yes, _you_ did this. When you attacked me last night. But that gives you _no_ reason to hit _me_. I didn't _do_ anything. Now I understand that you were drunk then, but you're sober now so there's no excuse for your behavior now. I'm tired of you using me Sam. I'm fine with watching you while you're wasted because honestly, I have nothing better to do. But I am _tired_ of also playing your little punching bag." He said right in my face and his breath smelled like mint toothpaste. I felt my head spin and I leaned back further against the locker.

"I'm sorry," I said in a voice barely above a whisper. Why am I so tired? I guess I'm exhausted from thinking about everything and I really just want to sit down. I could still feel the… urges but I was doing everything in my power to calm them down. It was a battle; and I was losing.

"It's fine. But… About that… Happened. I just wanted to make sure you knew and all that to we could figure out... what to do you know?" He said, his face softening and he looked at me. My heart was beating out of my chest and my knees were weakening.

_Stop! _My brain shouted at me. _Samantha Puckett _never_ shows weakness! Stop this crap, now! _

He looked over at our hands, and finally, as if he'd just noticed, he let me go. I sunk back against the locker deeply. Looking away from him so I could gain _some_ of my pride back. It was like he had knocked me out of a trance. I put my hand to my head and waited a few minutes for the attraction. I could hear him clear his throat once, waiting for my answer, questioning my strange behavior, but I just held my finger up as if to say "Wait." And continued to wait for the strange feeling to leave my body and let me think clearly.

"Let's just... Let's just talk about it later. Come over later on tonight and we can decide what to do." I said when I finally confirmed that I hadn't lost my mind. I tried not to look at him as I straightened up and walked over to my locker. I busied myself with getting my books for my next class and I felt him walk to his locker to do the same.

"Okay. I'll come over around five then?" He asked slowly, turning to face me. I kept my eyes glued in my locker and nodded my head; Gathering all of my second period books and hearing the bell ring.

"Yeah. Five. Whatever. See ya later Fredweirdo." I turned away from our lockers and scurried off to class before he could say something else. _I wonder if I can make it to Canada before five…_


	5. Interruptions

*Hello all! (: SO I have a HUGE question: How do I get a separator? I make the line thing and then when I post my story, It's gone? Hmm. Anyway, this chapter is called Five and the next one shall be very interesting ;) Haha. I'm trying to update ASAP to make up for the two weeks I practically neglected you all ): Ahh Sorry! But anyway, I hope you like this one, I can tell you now, the next one will be VERY interesting. (: Make a Great day -Ariel*

Third Person POV I guess

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. How did I get myself into this! Freddie thought to himself, pacing around his room. Freddie had come home and ignored his mother, rushing to his room and having a major melt down. His mother was way past worried and had rushed to a doctor to find out why his son was like this and what medicine he would give her to fix him.

Freddie, on the other hand, was worried out of his mind for reasons TOTALLY opposite his mother's. What do I tell her? What if she asks how I felt about it? He thought, sharply throwing himself into his computer desk chair. Wait. How did I feel about it? Well I mean it was pretty great- Wait! WHAT am I thinking? If Sam even THOUGHT I was thinking that or anything even REMOTELY close, she'd have me cut into pieces and shipped me off to a ham factory in less than a minute! Jeez, Freddie. Calm yourself. Just calm down. Just let her make the decision. She probably would've anyway. Freddie told himself, feeling only a little relieved.

He glanced at his bedside clock, 4:15.

Freddie sighed and flopped onto his bed, letting his head hit the pillows but his feet hang off of the end. He clamps his eyes shut and replays the kiss in his mind. He keeps telling himself that he should just forget about it; but as hard as he tried, he just couldn't. The whole thing was imprinted into his brain, impossible to forget. As the scene replayed in his mind, it felt so real; he could feel the tingle where her lips touched his; even the warm spot on his neck where she had rested her hands.

It was over all too soon and Freddie was once again trying to find something to distract him from himself.

Freddie stood up and started pacing around the room. He checked his watch.

4:30.

_Well, maybe I could leave early and… _Freddie thought to himself, staring longingly at his bedroom door. _No. Stop being such a pansy. Early? Sam? You'd be lucky if she wasn't drunk. _He told himself, sighing and flopping onto his bed once again.

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*separate*

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STILL Third Person POV

Fifteen minutes later, Freddie walked out of his room to find his mother's bedroom door closed and her keys on the coffee table. He quietly grabbed the keys from the table and walked out of the door to the parking lot.

He spent the drive to Sam's deciding what he would say, what he would suggest they do. _I'll just… I'll just tell her it was a mistake and I shouldn't have let her go so far…_ He tried to assure himself I think. _And if all else fails, I run. _

Freddie looked at her house and again at his watch.

4:58.

_Look. Fredward Benson. You need to calm down. Sam is SAM. And she'll punch you in the face if you even think about wanting to do anything but just forget about the whole thing. She probably just wants to drink some more. Besides, you don't LIKE her. Stop thinking about what happened. _Freddie told himself; it was time to stop this fantacising, it's worthless.

Freddie got out of the car, closed and locked the door, before slipping the keys in his pocket and making his way up to her porch.

Freddie hesitantly knocked on the door since the bell was broken. After waiting a few minutes without any response, he checked his watch.

5:04.

He knocked once more, just a little bit louder, and thought he heard movement inside the house. He leaned against the railing, waiting for someone to answer the door, and glanced around the porch.

There was a single wicker couch sitting near the door, with an overfilled ashtray.

The door finally opened and Freddie looked over to see Sam standing in the doorway, munching on a piece of ham. She looked at him with a strange expression, one Freddie didn't recognize, and unlocked the screen door.

Then she walked away. Without even two words said, not even a 'Hi', she just disappeared inside the house. _Does that mean 'Come In'? _Freddie asked himself, unsure what to do. He glanced around, to see if anyone else was around and could tell him what exactly that meant.

"DORK!" Sam yelled from somewhere inside; she sounded like her mouth was full. Freddie rolled his eyes and reached out to open the door, confirmed. Once inside, he didn't hesitate, he walked right into the kitchen to see Sam devouring a ham on the counter.

"Classic," He commented, smirking. She glared and threw a slice toward his face, but he dodged right on time.

She watched the piece of ham hit the wall and slide down, her lower lip jutting out and her shoulders sank. Freddie watched her with amusement, shaking his head.

She scowled and picked up the plate of ham, storming into the living room.

Freddie headed to the fridge and grabbed a coke before turning around and following her. Everybody Hates Chris was on on the TV as she continued to eat the ham.

"Where's your mom?" Freddie asked, figuring she was at work but not knowing what time she would get here.

"Work. She gets off at six, but she'll probably go get wasted at the bar until like nine." Sam shrugged, her eyes still glued to the TV.

15 minutes later, the show had went off and some boring infomercial was playing for a whole hour; Sam had finished her ham and Freddie was wondering how to ask.

"So... Uh..." Freddie stuttered and Sam turned to face him.

"Yeah yeah yeah. Down to business." She said loosely, settling back further into the couch.

"Yeah... So... What do you think?" Freddie asked nervously, looking anywhere but at her.

He didn't see her face if she'd made any facial expression, a brown spot on the carpet had suddenly become 'very interesting' to him. After a few minutes, Freddie didn't know if Sam had fallen asleep, or what. He glanced over at her, trying to make it look habitual, and saw her looking at him with an eyebrow raised.

"Nervous? Freddeykins? Do I make you nervous?" Sam asked, smirking along with that raised eyebrow.

"No," Freddie tried to defend himself, "I just don't know what to say," He shrugged, trying to 'play it cool'.

Sam was silent, her face expressing concentration. Freddie looked at her while she thought; taking in her black basketball shorts and green T-shirt that said 'Feelin' a little green today'. Her hair was wavy and down, as usual, and her eyes looked a little lighter than usual.

Sam looked at him, looking at her, and he felt a blush creeping up his cheeks, but quickly pretended to scratch his head and avert his gaze.

"Let's flip a coin," She said simply, as if that was just the answer to all of their problems.

Freddie looked at her, confused, "What do you mean? Flip a coin for what?"

Sam looked at him as if he had just asked her what two plus six was. "To see whether we should forget about the whole thing, or just let nature take it's course." She said slowly, as if she was explaining something to a four year-old.

_What does that even mean? _Freddie asked himself. Clearly displaying his confusion. Sam sighed and turned to fully face him,

"Look, we could either forget this ever happened, and you make sure it doesn't again; or I could continue to bruise your skin. That is actually a lot more satisfying than my usual because those," she pointed to the bruises on his neck, "Will last a few days" She finished and waited for his reply.

_So is she asking me to flip a coin to see if we should ignore the whole 'incident' or make out whenever she's drunk? The hell? _

"Who said I agreed with this 'neck bruising'?" Freddie asked, folding his arms. Sam raised her eyebrow again,

"So you're saying you don't _like _kissing me? What am I not good enough? Because I'm sure other guys would disagree. Or would you rather go strike this deal up with Carly? Because, I mean, good luck, prying her from Derrick's hand that is." Sam shrugged, as if to say it didn't faze her; like it really didn't matter if they kept up or not.

Freddie hesitated, so she sighed and continued.

"Look, we're both single. You're lonely and heart broken, and I, frankly, have nothing better to do. So I mean, what the hell? Who cares. Live a little. Either way. Even if it comes out the other way, we could just hang at your house and play that pretty little Playstation 3 you tried to hide from me." She added. Smiling sweetly.

_Live a little. _Her words flashed through his head.

_I _am_ single, and kind of lonely. And I mean face it, I'm a teenage guy and I have _needs_. _

_And it's not like Sam isn't a good catch, I mean, though I would never admit it, her meat income is making _quite_ a nice impact on her chest and backside... Besides, it's not like anyone would find out anyway. _

_But is it worth the risk? _He asked himself.

"Don't you think it would be kind of awkward though? If it didcome out that way I mean." He asked Sam, who had been staring at the TV in disgust. She shook her head as if to rid herself of the memories of the horrible show and turnedback to him.

"For anyone else, yea. But us... It would be like last time. Besides _I_ won't remember half of it; Psh. Like I'd kiss you for _fun_. Face it, we're hormonal teens. Nothing better to do. Now, It just depends on your little input. " She said,surprisingly calm.

_She _is _right... But I... Oh, just flip the damn coin Benson. Be a man. _Freddie argued with himself.

He finally gave up and decided to give it a try. He nodded his head at Sam, who had continued to watch him think so she didn't have to watch that crap show.

"Okay. Let's do it." He took a deep breath and pulled a quarter out of his pocket, change from his lunch today.

He and Sam walked into the kitchen to flip it on the counter, a nice flat surface. He sood on one side, ready to flip the coin, and she stood on the other, leaning in to watch.

Just as he was about to toss the coin in the air, Sam's phone rang.

"Hit me baby," She said after flipping her phone open and whipping it up to her ear.

"Sam? Hey... It's me... Um... Can you three way Freddie?" Carly asked, sounding frantic and upset.

Sam looked across at Freddie, confused, and hit the 'Speaker' button.

"Hey.. Uh... No need. He's here... I uh, beat him until he said he'd do my math homework. Gotta put that big ass brain to work right?" Sam chuckled and Freddie glared at her.

"Sam, Don't cuss. Look. I need you two to shut up and stop arguing for a while okay? I have to tell you something important."

"What is it?" Freddie asked, concerned with her, nervous and unsettled tone. Sam rolled her eyes at him and mouthed 'Stalker'. He retaliated by sticking his tongue out and she snorted at how lame that was.

"I just... Can you two just come over... Like now?" Carly's pleading voice reminded them that she was on the phone.

Freddie and Sam stopped bickering and looked at each other. Sam shrugged and Freddie nodded, silent agreement.

Thye're plans would have to wait. Carly needed them, both of them. Whatever drama and stress they're going through can wait. Carly, who's always there for them, needs both of them, desperately. They could tell by the strain and hurt, and NEED in her voice when they didn't reply and she said,

"Please." Her voice cracked on the one word and their decision was made: Their drama, later, because Carly needs them, Right. Now.


	6. Carly

*Okaydokay, So I'm going to go ahead and post this chapter because it's going to be _really _short. It's mostly dialogue, which is different from my usual, but I hope you enjoy anyway (: Make a Great day – Ariel*

After hanging up with Carly and reassuring her that they were on their way, they headed outside to Freddie's (Mom's) car.

Freddie settled in and buckled his seatbelt. He looked over at Sam who, not only had not buckled her seatbelt yet, but she was munching on a chicken wing. Her seat was pushed back and her feet rested on the dashboard.

_I was turned around for what, 2 minutes? _

"Sam, how did you... Where did you get a chicken wing?" He asked, positive she hadn't had anything in her hands before they'd left.

"Where would I _not_ get a chicken wing?" She asked like that was the stupidest question she's heard.

"Sam... you..." He stopped as she pulled a bottle of beer from the ground by her seat.

_When did that even get there?_ He asked himself.

"NO! No no no no! En. Oh! STOP right there!" He exclaimed as she raised her eyebrow and unscrewed the top. She went to take a sip,

"Aht!" He tsked.

She tried again.

"Eh!" He shook his head.

She tried one more time...

"Stop!" He yelled. She kept her eyes on him as she pressed the bottle to her lips and took a nice, long, swig.

He gaped at her. She screwed the top back on the bottle and put it near her feet.

"What?" She asked, as he continued to stare, "You know how I am with bad news, and crisises."

"Is crisises even a word?" He asked, rolling his eyes and making sure she had put the bottle down and looked like she wasn't about to try to drink more.

"I think so, but it's spelled all complicated like," Sam added, resting her head against the seat.

"Well, anyway, that's enough of that. Carly sounded distraught, I'm sure your being drunk won't help very much." Freddie replied, eyes on the road.

"Oh shut up, with your big words, you little nerd." Sam waved him off.

"Sam, do you _really _have to torture me every minute of _every_ day?" Freddie asked, his voice sounding annoyed.

"Ah, don't act like you don't _love_ it." Sam smiled, closing her eyes as they neared the apartment building.

"Sam..." Freddie started but she cut him off.

"Oh shut up. Let me enjoy the last couple minutes of the ride in peace!" She said, slapping his arm.

Freddie stopped at the red light and looked over at her. He sighed and rolled his eyes and then turned his eyes back to the road.

A few minutes later, they pulled into Bushwell Plaza. Sam was asleep, of course. So Freddie got out and walked around to her side, opening her door and shaking her awake.

"Aw, how nice of you, Benson, don't I feel all famous and what not." She said, smirking and getting out of the car.

"Now" She held her arms out, "Carry me."

Freddie looked at her, "You have GOT to be kidding me." He said shaking his head and holding his hands up in front of him, "No way,"

"Ah, Fredday, Carry me, _now!_" She threatened, holding her fist up and getting awfully close to his face.

"Fine, Fine!" He grunted, lifting her up, wedding style, and starting for the elevator.

"Take the stairs!" She yelled in his ear. He winced and started trudging up the stairs.

By the time they reached Carly's, Freddie was exhausted, he slowly walked into the open door and practically threw Sam onto the couch. He plopped into a chair and let his head hit the back, panting.

Carly was too upset and worried to even acknowledge their weird entrance.

"Hey, Carles, What's got _you_ down?"Sam asked, turning toward her best friend.

Carly looked at Sam, and then at Freddie, who was now peering over at her curiously.

Carly took a deep breath, getting ready to speak, When Spencer walked into the living room.

"Hey Sam! Hey Freddie!" He greeted them as he walked toward the door.

"Hey Spence," They replied in unsion; Then glared at each other.

"Well," Spencer said, feeling awkward at their exchange, "I'm going to go get some dinner. I'm feeling like Chinese tonight, How about you all? Carly?" He asked, smiling at his little sister.

She didn't speak, she just smiled and nodded her head, trying her best to appear fine.

Spencer looked at her, worried, but decided to drop it because at least her friends were here to cheer her up. He waved cheerfully and walked out the door.

"Speaking of food... I'm hungry." Sam said, patting her stomach.

"You're always hungry." Freddie said, rolling his eyes.

"Shut up, Freddalina. Go make me a sammich." She demanded, pouting a little bit.

"Make your own sandwich!" Freddie said.

"Would you just make me a freakin sammich?" Sam threw her hands up and grabbed a pillow off of the couch and threw it at Freddie.

"Hey!" Freddie shouted, looking to Carly for help. He threw the pillow back at her and soon, the two were in an all out pillow fight.

Carly watched the whole thing, growing more and more frustrated. After watching the brawl for a few minutes, she became very annoyed.

"WILL YOU TWO JUST _SHUT UP!_?" She screamed so loud she shook. The two immediately fell silent, their eyes opening in shock as they stared at the normally nice and sweet Carly.

They finally took in her appearance for the first time since they got there.

She looked like she'd just rolled out of bed. Her hair was messy, she wasn't wearing ANY make-up, her eyes had bags underneath them and her face was red, as if she'd been crying.

"Carles... What's wrong?" Sam asked softly, looking fully concerned; Freddie's face mimicked hers as he waited anxiously for her answer.

"Sam... Freddie... I just... I didn't know what to do... And I... I just don't _know!_" She cried, falling back into her chair and bursting into tears. Freddie and Sam got up and walked her over to the couch, wrapping their arms around her; wincing a little as their arms touched.

"Just, tell us what happened... we'll help you, we promise," Freddie lulled and Sam nodded in agreement.

"I... I," Carly stammered, "I'm pregnant."


	7. The End of The World

***Okay, so I know the random Carly showing up thing was a little weird, and random, but I wanted something big to happen, and this leads to even bigger things (*cough cough* with SEDDIE) and I wanted it to interrupt the coin scene. Also, IMPORTANT QUESTION: Now I know I'm such a horrible person for even thinking this... But I have this great story idea but this and iNeed you now more than ever are lasting for quite a while longer and I'm so excited for the story idea I have... Should I post it and work on all three stories? Btw: Yes. It is a Seddie story also... Anyway, Imma shut up and let you all read (: enjoy***

The three friends stood silent in Carly's living room; the tension building up higher than the ceiling. Sam and Freddie sat, frozen with shock. Carly sat between them, her eyes sqeezed shut and her teeth clenched.

_This is it. _Carly thought. _They'll leave. _

_Carly..._ Sam thought.

_DERRICK!_ Freddie thought.

Butt that wasn't because Freddie was jealous, he didn't like Carly as much as he used to. He just cared about her; didn't want her to get hurt. Especially by Derrick.

Derrick was actually a pretty cool guy though, and Freddie actually did enjoy talking to him; but after this... That _Whole_ relationship is going to change. Big Time.

Sam and Freddie both thought the same thing. Carly? Really? This is the girl who doesn't curse; the girl who's organized and straight A's, practically taking care of her older brother... She doesn't even use public restrooms! And yet, she's had sex? Before Freddie, and although Sam would never admit it, before Sam too.

As they tried to make reason of _Carly _having _sex. _They were also thinking about Derrick. Another thing they agree on. Sam was thinking of possible ways to kill him; she knew a few _legal _ways but she wasn't thinking about those, she was going to go with painful and unusual, and _especially_ illegal.

Freddie, on the other hand, was thinking _somewhere _along those lines, except he preffered legal ad quick {I mean come on, they're _friends_.}. It's nothing personal, anyway...

"I'm sorry. You two can leave if you want." Carly whispered , burying her face in her hands. ''

"Carly, what are you talking about?" Freddie asked, "Why would we leave you?"

"Because I'm a horrible person." Carly cried, tears still sliding down her face.

Sam had been quiet during the beginning of that conversation, but now, hearing Carly's clear self hatred, it was time to speak up.

"Listen Carles," She started, turning toward Carly and pulling her hands off of her face, forcing her to look at her, "We would _never _leave you. Especially when you need us. Hell, of all the shit you've helped me through... Who bailed me out when I hit that policeman with the salami? You did. And who talked Bradley Tucks into being my boyfriend? You again. And who turned me into, well you, when I wanted to impress that guy? YOU! Carly, if I were to let you down now, I'd be a personal disgrace and I would have to be locked in a freezing cold room for the rest of my life as punishment for having such a cold heart. I guess what I'm saying is, Your kid needs an Aunt right?" Sam grinned, standing up and looking pointedly at Freddie.

"Yeah, Carles, we're here. And er, we're going to help you out just like you've always helped us." Freddie agreed, smiling encouragingly at Carly.

Carly was silent for a while, and at first, Sam and Freddie thought that she was asleep with her eyes open or something.

Then her frown turned up into that signature 'Carly' smile. The smile that you could always count on.

"Thank you, two, _so_ much. I don't know what I would do without you." Carly hugged her two best friends.

After their little love circle was over, Freddie asked the question he and Sam had been dying to know the answer to.

"Does Derrick know?"

Carly bit her lip, Freddie thought that was kind of weird at first, he hadn't seen Carly bite her lip in a while, that was always Sam. And when Sam did it, he couldn't help but stare, always earning himself a punch in the gut or a 'the hell do you want geek lord?'.

"I haven't told him yet. Spencer either. You two are the only ones." Carly admitted, hanging her head and avoiding their eyes.

Sam and Freddie both felt a small tingle of warmth as they found out that they had been the first ones she'd told. Sam, a little upset because Freddie found out at the same time as she had.

"Okay, we'll work on that. But first, we should schedule you an appointment with the doctor. Make sure he or she is in good health and learn things you should and shouldnt eat and get some tips and all." Freddie said, pulling his phone out.

Sam nodded and went to the kitchen to get some chips and a pad of paper and pen to take notes.

"I love you two!" Carly said happily, settling into the couch and watching her friends take charge.

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* seperate *

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**Sam's POV**

I had to get out of there. Fast. I love Carly and she's my best friend and all, but I just _can't _take this.

This is way too much drama for me. And I'm not even going to _try_ to reason how Carly, Virgin Carly, had sex, and got pregnant. There's something seriously fucked up with fate today.

After we set up the appointment and talked about when and how to tell Derrick and Spencer, I left.

"Okay, yeah, well... Bye" I waved as I started for the front door.

"Where are _you_ going?" Freddie asked, he and Carly looked at me curiously.

"None of your sheepwax." I replied, opening the door and walking out.

I didn't know where to go yet, so I went to the fire escape; here, I didn't think of Carly and her problems or any of that. Actually, the thing that pops into my mind when I come here, is Freddie. Ew, I think.

We come here all the time, together. Sometimes we talk, others, we just sit there. It's a comfortable silence that hangs over us at those times. Both of us, lost in our thoughts; me, drinking sometimes. This is just a comfortable place.

I sit on one of the huge pillows Freddie and I had dragged out here a while back.

Ugh. I just...I just want to forget what happened in there. I don't want to think of Carly and the little... alien thing... growing inside of her. I don't want to think about the fact that we never flipped that stupid coin...

And just when I think _that_, Freddie appears.

He doesn't say anything. He just takes a seat on the pillow across from me.

We're silent for a while, both just thinking or staring at something. But then it hits me.

I had been running my hand along the edge of the pillow, and I touched something hard and circular. A bottle of Vodka.

My favorite. Now don't get me wrong, beer is a close second but there's just something about vodka that... I can't even explain it.

So anyway, I feel the bottle and I know exactly what to do.

"Come on," I say to Freddie, getting to my feet and starting to walk out. He doesn't object, just follows me.

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{seperate}

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**Still Sam's POV**

It's around seven when we get there. Not too dark, and not too light. Aka, it was dark enough that people would think we're either A.) Of age. Or B.) Not drinking alcohol. And light enough to have time to stir.

We stopped at Wal Mart on the way. I needed Peach Schnapps, cranberry juice, and orange juice. We also bought plastic cups, plastic spoons, and plastic straws. Freddstupid threw in a water bottle because I 'don't need to drink it all alone'. We couldn't get the Peach Schnapps at Wal Mart and they probably wouldn't sell it to us at the Liquor store so we paid a nice ,twenty seven years old looking guy, to go buy it for us.

So when we got there, we had all we need.

We were at a clear, green, open space over by the park and the beach. We were sitting on a hill where we could see the beach and the park and the people at them.

"So what is this drink called again?" Freddie asked as I pulled the materials out of the brown paper bag I had put them in. There had been a blanket in the trunk from when Freddie and his mom went on the 'Mother and Son picnic'. Ms. Benson had decided the two needed to spend more time together, but the picnic ended badly when a squirrel chased them away and ate all of the cole slaw.

This had made me laugh and punch him in the gut.

"Electric Peach" I replied, pouring some of the cranberrry juice and orange juice in the cup. I then, carefully, unscrewed the top of the Peach Schnapps, and poured some into the cup on top of the juice.

The last thing I added was the Vodka. I took one of the spoons and stirred the drink until it all blended into one, pinkish, color.

Freddie watched me as I lifted the cup to my lips and took a sip.

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{Short Seperation!}

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**Freddie POV**

Electric Peach... Hmm. I hope it's better than that Everclear crap. At least this is a mix, and it has juice in it.

Why am I letting this happen? I'm stupid. I must be _really _stupid...

"This is good." She said, nodding to herself. She repositioned herself, propping up on her elbow and looking up at the sky.

Her hair framed her face nicely and a few strands lay across her forehead. Her lips were slightly parted and the sunset made her eyes look even more like the ocean than they already do.

She looks beautiful.

Wait, did I just say that?

She didn't hear me right? I said it in my head so...

"I used to watch the sunset with my grandma." Sam said softly, so softly I could tell that she was under now. She wasn't as violent and secretive now. She's peaceful. This knocked me out of my worrying and I watched her curiously, wondering what she's thinking about.

"Before she d-died." She whispered. She shut her eyes, as if when she opened them, her grandmother would be sitting right next to her.

"What was she like?" I asked, making sure my voice was soft and curious. Sam doesn't talk much about her family and her memories and all that, so I'll take these tidbits of information happily.

"We used to cook together. I spent all of my time at her house because my parents had to work. She used to teach me how to cook, I still remember..." She trailed off, smiling a little bit.

I didn't have to ask further questions because she continued, "I remember, we used to go to church.. and she always had peppermints. I love peppermints..." She was silent for a moment, eyes closed, and at first I thought she was asleep. Then she continued,

"Granny was nice to everyone. Everyone loved her. We'd go somewhere and people would walk up 'Hey Brenda!' and they'd talk for _forever_. Brenda. That was her name. It's Melanie's middle name." She seemed to tense when she thought of that, and I hoped she would continue.

"My parents favored Melanie. But Granny, she loved us both, but she knew they liked her more, so she gave me more attention. She spent more time with me, and she gave me the love that my parents didn't give me. My Dad, he was okay, and he might have loved us equally but... He couldn't _compare_ to Granny."

Her dad abandoned her. Her grandmother died. I think it's obvious who loved her more. She got off of her elbows and lay on her back, folding her arms around her.

"I remember this necklace she wore, it was like a heart pendant thing and it was filled with some gold sand-like stuff and the chain was gold. She wore it alot, it was one of my favorites..." She said, lifting her hand to touch her own neck, her eyes glowed.

"We had so much fun together. When I had a bad day, I called her and she made it better. She made me laugh, and she gave me memories my parents never could..." She paused.

"But then," She paused, her tone became emotionless, and her eyes went somewhere far away, "She got sick. Real sick. She had a blood clock, a broken pinkie, lung cancer... and then she got really sick." Her voice cracked on that last word. She sat up and gulped down the rest of her drink.

"I remember going to her house while she was sick. She could barely get out of bed. Her room smelled like death. She didn't cook anymore, and she stopped going to church. She had to use an oxygen tank. It made me cry to just stand in her room, looking at her, so fragile and small. It broke my heart." I could see the tears sliding down her face.

Sam's crying.

"I wasn't there when she passed. I hate myself for that. I didn't get to say goodbye. I never could wrap myself around the fact that she's gone. She's not coming back. I can't pretend she just went to the store, because she's not coming back. I miss her so much. The touch of her skin and the sound of her voice. It still hurts. I still cry myself to sleep and lose control sometimes." She paused again, sniffling and the tears were still flowing down her face, like a waterfall.

Sam's hurting.

I instinctively went into protective mode. I scooted over closer to her and wiped some tears from her eyes. I grabbed my jacket and let her wipe her face on it.

"Drinking, makes it better. I don't drink to be cool, or to let loose, I drink to forget. I like the numbness. And from the pain of my Dad, and her... I just don't want to feel sometimes." She sobbed into my jacket and I felt an ache in my body.

I've never seen Sam like this before. She's never talked like this. So much. Never talked about her Dad or her other family. It's breaking my heart to watch her like this. Sam has always been so strong and independant...

I put my hand on her cheek and she looked at me. She looked at me as if she just realized I was there. She seemed shocked at first, but soon, she closed her eyes let me keep my hand intact.

It was a few minutes later, when I heard her snore, that I knew that was all I would get. When she wakes up, she'll be the same proud, distant, Sam. She'll drink and become numb and I'll take care of her while she does so.

I thought about that as I packed everything up, sliding the blanket from underneath her. I threw her cup and spoon in a trash bin by the playground. I ran the stuff to the car and came back for her. _She has a good reason. What if she has to deal with that pain, by herself, without the alcohol. No escape. No numbness. _I still thought about it as I lifted her and carried her to the car. _I'm doing the right thing._ I got in the car and got ready to pull out and take her home.

_Right?_

*** Welp, hoped you liked it. Now Sam's memories of her Grandmother are based almost entirely on a few of my memories with my Granny. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed (: Review please! Make a great day, - Ariel**** ***


	8. Runaway

Hello all, I hope you all are well (: Sorry for the wait ): I actually went to Washington DC last week so I didn't have any internet or anything but anyway, I'll shut up with my My tumblr for my channel is: .com/ I post pictures and updates on my stories here. Enjoy :) Make a great day – Ariel

It's time.

"Carly calm down." Freddie said, touching her shoulder.

"Calm DOWN! And _how_ am I supposed to do _that_! Mr. Genius?" Carly yelled, throwing her hands up and plopping onto the couch.

It had been two days since Carly had to Sam and Freddie her secret. The two had went over to her house early that morning to help her tell Derrick and Spencer.

"It's time." They had said as soon as she'd answered the door.

She'd pled and cried and been overly dramatic ever since the words had left their mouths. Saying she was 'too tired' or 'too hungry' and any other pregnant excuse she could find. But they were firm and wouldn't let her get away with it. They'd taken her phone and texted Derrick, telling him to come over as soon as he got off of work. Then, they'd texted Spencer and asked him to come straight home after he got done watching some movie with Socko.

Derrick was due a little bit before Spencer, so they decided she would tell him and _then_ Spencer.

Carly, of course, hated that and begged them to just tell them for her. But deep down she knew, this was her mess and _she_ had to fix it.

"Carly." Sam said firmly, sighing and walking over to the two; she had been helping herself to the ham in the fridge and was getting tired of Carly's yelling. "Just calm the hell down. This is _not_ the end of the world. The end of the world would be you getting all big and pregnant looking and them not finding out until then. Carly, you need to tell them. For the baby." Sam put on an innocent face, smiling sweetly and slightly tilting her head.

And it worked.

Carly, being the huge sweet and dramatic person she is, melted every time Sam or Freddie said anything was important for the baby. She already loved the 'sweet bundle of joy' growing inside of her and would do anything to keep it happy and healthy.

So, fifteen minutes later, when Derrick knocked on the door, Carly stayed sitting on the couch (just to be safe) with Sam beside her, and Freddie answered the door.

Spencer had texted a few minutes before Derrick knocked and said he would be home in about twenty minutes.

Derrick looked shocked when he saw Freddie answer the door; then worried when he saw Sam and Carly on the couch – Carly looking scared and red faced.

"Carly! What's wrong?" He rushed in and moved a chair next to her end of the couch. He looked at her with wide eyes- worried by the look on her face.

Freddie, who had been standing by the door, walked over and sat in the chair near Sam's end of the couch. The two shared a look as Carly took a breath.

"Derrick I..." She started, and immediately the tears started to fall down her face. Sam and Freddie looked at her, waiting for her to finish.

"It broke!" She sobbed into her hands, refusing to look at him as he figured it out.

Derrick's face was a mixture of confusion and dread. As if he knew what she meant, but hoped he was wrong.

"W-what do you mean?" He stammered, staring only at her, seeming to have forgotten their small audience.

"The condom" Her face was still buried in her hands, "I'm pregnant." She mumbled.

Derrick sank back into his chair; his eyes opened wide in shock and staring at something distant. He seemed to have become a life size statue. Completely still, barely breathing.

And then Spencer walked through the front door.

"Hey Kiddos. That movie was crazy! There was a zombie and a-" He stopped as he looked around at the four quiet teens. He took in Carly's red face and tear streaked cheeks, Derrick's statue like stance, and Sam and Freddie's sympothetic looks.

"Okay," He said; becoming strangely calm, he dropped his jacket and folded his arms, "What happened?"

Carly finally lifted her face and looked up at her older brother. Her eyes widened and her mouth quivered.

"Spencer. Something happened." Sam said, deciding to at least help Carly start.

Telling Derrick was one thing. But telling Spencer... Carly felt her heart drop to her stomach and her throat start hurting just _thinking_ about the disappointed look he would give her. _And Dad..._ She thought.

Just thinking about her brother _and_ her father being so very disappointed in her, made Carly's face drop back into her hands and the tears stream out again.

Freddie, as he watched with the others, was oddly not as panicked as he was supposed to be. Sure, watching Carly like this was very sad and he was very uncomfortable watching it, but it just didn't affect him the way Sam's had the other day at the park. He didn't know why; maybe it was the small 'hic' noises Sam made, or the way her sobs had reached out to him. The way just the sound of her crying had stolen his heart from his chest and made him want to punch the nearest threat to her. Or the way that when Sam cried, he felt protective; but when Carly cried, he just felt sad.

"Spencer..." Carly began, refusing to look at him and keeping her face half hidden behind her hands.

"I'm-" She tried to continue but was halted by a lurch in her stomach. Before anyone could question her actions, she was up off of the couch and sprinting for the bathroom.

But she wouldn't make it.

So she ran to the sink.

Everyone else just sat there for a minute, Sam and Freddie were staring at Spencer and Spencer was staring at Carly and Derrick was still staring straight ahead.

The sound of Carly retching came from the kitchen.

Derrick reacted before any of them, jumping up and running to Carly. He gathered her hair into a sloppy ponytail and grabbed a dishtowel from a nearby drawer.

Spencer's eyes opened wide with shock and her ran into the kitchen to the two nervous teens. Sam and Freddie followed, sitting at the counter to watch the awkward situation.

After a few minutes of Carly's throwing up, she was finally done. Derrick silently handed her the towel and stepped beside her as they both turned to face Spencer.

"I'm pregnant..." Carly choked out, staring up at her brother, trying to will him to stay with her and keep loving her.

It was silent for a minute. Everyone was waiting for Spencer to say something, anything. Sam and Freddie could feel the tension in the room, clouding the air and filling the silence. Derrick and Carly both looked scared senseless.

Minutes passed.

Five.

Ten.

Sam was growing impatient. And hungry. _Would it be rude to steal their ham while their doing the whole 'confession' thing?_ Sam wondered to herself. _Do I care? Wait. No. Ugh. I'll just have to wait. OOOOOOOOOHHHH. There is a box of freaking fat cakes __**right **__next to Freddwinkle!_ She sits up and reaches around Freddie, almost reaching the box... Freddie watches in confusion and amusement. He pushes the box toward her and she snatches it up, sitting back down in her chair, ripping the box open and pulling out one of the fatcakes.

Carly and Derrick and Spencer hardly notice what just happened behind them. Carly though, hears Sam rip the box open and realizes that she might need to say something to get a reaction out of her brother.

"Spencer?" She asks, her voice sounding quiet and scared even to her. He just looks at her. She takes a tiny step back in shock; why won't he say anything? Anything?

She feels her eyes water. _Ugh. Stupid pregnancy hormones. Making me all emotional... well more emotional than usual..._

And then Spencer's arms are around her. They came out of no where. She figured he had seen her watery eyes and had reacted only as such an amazing brother as him could.

"It's okay Carles," He said, his arms still around her, "We'll get through this."

Sam and Freddie watched the whole thing. Freddie was awed, such a cute little seen in front of him.

But Sam... was almost the complete opposite.

_Now, I understand that she's pregnant and she needs support and love and all... But that's it! He didn't even get mad! Well I mean he _is_ Spencer... But still, and Derrick? The hell? He didn't even react as a soon to be Teen Dad should. _Sam thought angrily. _Now It's not like I don't love Carly because I do! And I totally get her situation and all but this whole pregnancy is just so... Carly. Aka, perfect. She _would_ be the one who had sex and got pregnant and everyone **still **freaking adores her. _

_Ugh. Just... Shut up Sam, stop being all jealous and stupid. _She thought, now flipping the switch to point the finger at herself.

She remained quiet, Not wanting to ruin the moment. Just trying to keep her cool until this whole thing was over and Freddie could take her home and she could get a drink. She really liked that electric peach drink thing; it was all fruity and delicious. All she had to do was lock down. Don't feel. Don't let herself get affected by the love...

And then Derrick reaches out and grabs Carly's free hand.

And that's it.

Sam can't take it. It's too much.

She's out the door.

Freddie was shocked by Sam's random departure. One minute she was sitting next to him, taking in the scene, and next, she was gone. Sprinting up and out.

Carly, Derrick, and Spencer seemed to notice this, and looked up from their embrace. They watched Sam's back as she stormed out the door, slamming it behind her, and when she was gone, they looked at Freddie with questioning faces.

Freddie smiles nervously. _**What**__is she _doing_! _He thought. _Here we go again. _He looked at the three confused faces in front of him and tried to think of an excuse.

Nada.

"Umm... She... Had to... Ummm... I've... gotta go... I'll talk to you all later..." And with that, he ran across the living room and threw the door open as quickly as possible; avoiding the questions they would, no doubt, shower him with. _Smooth. Real smooth. _He thought to himself as he stepped out into the hallway and paused for a minute.

_I can't believe she did that to me! She's just so fucking insensitive! _He thought angrily to himself.

He took a few moments to breath and try to clear his mind, before walking up to the fire escape because he just _knew_ that was where she was. That's where she **always** is.

He was right.

When he climbed up into the fire escape he saw her, sitting on a pillow and looking up at the sky.

"What the _hell_ was that?" Freddie growled, still angry that she would do that to Carly. She looked at him, and he could see the anger in her eyes. She jumped up and stormed past him, out of the fire escape.

_I might regret this later..._ Freddie thought to himself, but against his better judgement...

He followed her.

Now they were both storming down the hall and Freddie was still yelling as Sam headed out the building as he followed.

"Sam! How could you do that? To Carly! Of all of your shit that she's dealt with _and_ she hasn't given up on you yet! I mean, what the fuck!" He yelled at her, they were in the lobby now and Lewbert was standing at his desk.

"Hey! No cussing and storming out dramatically in MY lobby!" He screamed. But Freddie and Sam ignored them. They continued outside and Sam continued to ignore him.

"Carly was depending on us! On _you!_" Freddie yelled, and with that, Sam whipped around to face him. Her sudden movement almost made him crash into her but he jumped back right on time.

"Don't you think I _know_ that!" Sam screamed, sticking her finger right in front of his face. Her own face was contorted in a look of anger and regret. _Good_. Freddie thought.

"Don't you think I _get _that?" She yelled, "I _know_ she needed me! But look at all the other people she had! She told Derrick and Spencer and they didn't get mad or anything! She has _plenty_. When is it going to be _my _turn? Huh? When is someone going to care about _me_ like that? _Love _me like that! When is someone going to want to get _me _pregnant at seventeen! I just... Ugh. I just don't _need_ this!" She screamed and threw her hands up in the air, stepping back a step and letting them fall.

Freddie was shocked. He never knew she felt that way; never knew that she felt _jealous_ of Carly. He figured she just didn't care. He never even noticed any of that about Carly, never noticed how people, especially guys, always compared Sam as second to Carly. Even _he_ had done that...

He looked at Sam, really _looked _at her. He'd always seen her as the ultimate tom-boy. The one that is just one of the guys and could kick your butt easily. The one who would burp the alphabet perfectly and sleeps all day, who could eat a refridgerator and just didn't feel.

But when he looked at her now, he saw how much of a girl she really is. He never noticed how she'd tried to dump the tomboy thing. _When did she start wearing make-up?_ He wondered about the eyeliner she was wearing. _And dressign like a girl? _She was wearing the girliest thing _she_ would wear; tight-ish, nice fitting jeans, and a purple button-up blouse with ruffles at the top.

She looks beautiful.

But the expression on her face tones it down a little. He looked at her face, the way her eyes were sad and lonely, the way her eyes had bags underneath them even though she seems to sleep all of the time. Her hair is everywhere as if she'd just woken up or had gotten in a fight, or had run her hand through it a lot.

(**Freddie POV)**

I never noticed how tired Sam is. Not sleepy tired, life tired. She's like a volcano, ready to erupt. Everytime someone looks over her or hurts her feelings, it just diposited at the bottom, ready to fly out when she erupts. Her tears are lava, boiling over the surface of her and ready to drown a city.

"I care, Sam." I said, no longer mad or angry, just disappointed in myself and sorry for Sam. She responded immediately, as soon as the words left my mouth.

"Why?" She said simply, and my head twitched as if I'd been slapped. What?

"What?" I repeated out loud.

"Why do you even care?" She said, not even yelling now, just talking. I was momentarily stumped.

Why _do_ I care?

"I... I don't know" I said, avoiding her eyes and trying to find out just why I _do_ care. She just looked at me for a minute, as if waiting for me to speak, to give her a real reason. But I couldn't. I just needed a minute to think, to plan out my words.

But she didn't have time for that. She turned to walk away and I decided to just talk; just get her to stay.

"Uh... Maybe because you're my friend and I care about you. Enough that I can't... won't... sit back and watch you hurt the people around you and drink until you can't feel. I just don't want to watch you ruin your life like this." I said, running over what I just saud in my mind to make sure I didn't say anything stupid.

She turned around and looked at me for a minute, right in the eyes. Her blue eyes, as blue as the ocean, held my brown eyes in a trance. And looking her back in the eye, I felt as if I was trying to read a book written in another language. I would never get Sam. She's like a mystery even Scooby Doo and the Mystery Gang can't solve.

I don't know why, but that just made me want to figure her out even more. I wanted to know everything about her; what winds her up and what makes her tick. I want to take a trip into her mind and find out just what she's thinking about sometimes. Like now. I don't know what she's thinking, but I want to so bad.

She's standing right in front of me, staring me deep in the eyes, like she's trying to tell me something with her eyes, something I can't quite make out, and then she turns.

She turns around, slowly, and walks away. I watch her as she crosses the street and starts down the alleyway. And I keep watching her. I watch her until she's a purple blob, and then, when she turns the corner, and disappears.


	9. One of Those Girls

***OHMYGOODNESS! I am SOO sorry you all! This is the REAL chapter nine. I accidently put up chapter nine from my other Seddie story, iNeed You Now More Than Ever. I am just SO sorry. Please forgive me! - Apologies, Ariel***

**Freddie POV**

_I should have went after her._

Sam hasn't been back, It's been one week, and no one has seen her.

One WHOLE weeek.

Seven whole days that she's been missing. Carly is freaking out and I'm going crazy. I'm so worried and concerned and I'm driving myself mad. Derrick and Spencer and trying to distract Carly from it so Spencer's flying all three of them out to Yakima. Time to tell Granddad. I'm not even going to think about _that_ right now.

All I can think about is Sam anyway. She's all I've been thinking about since she left.

I've been texting her.. And calling her... I've even stopped by her house. Her mom was so out she didn't even notice Sam was gone until I showed up. What happened to the woman who told me about Sam's dad? Of course, she wasn't drunk then...Anyway, Sam has avoided all contact and practically disappeared completely. I'm falling apart.

But that's okay, because I care about her, nothing else, just concern for my friend. I mean, friends can feel that way. Concerned I mean.

I should have went after her.

I was stupid though. Thinking I'd give her time and let her think things through. Let her be alone. But that's the last thing she needs. She needs me. I need her. I let her go. Just like that. And who knows _what_ could happen to her. I should have held on. I... I should have tried harder. We've been through so much together and I just... Just threw it all away. What if she doesn't come back? What if something happens to her? Ugh. I just... I don't even want to Think about what could happen.

I went by Sam's house, a few days after she walked away from me. I was looking for her and every time I had come over she hadn't been there. I'd called her quite a few times but she wasn't answering. I was trying to decide whether I should be angry or worried. I chose both.

I'd decided to come by while her mom was home, she could probably give me some answers. As I pulled up in front of Sam's house, I noted her mother's car in the driveway. I took a deep breath and nervously climbed out of the car. I walked up the steps and to the door, knocking three times. I heard movement inside the house, things being pushed aside, or knocked over. As the noises got closer, I stepped back and stood up straight. The door creaked open and Pam Puckett stood on the other side looking at me.

Pam looked the same as the last time I had seen her, which had been when she'd told me about Sam's dad. She was one of those parents that was really nice to guests but really mean once they left. The Pam standing in front of me was a whole different person from the Pam Sam is always complaining about. Sam's always talking about how insensitive and 'stupid' her mother is; pointing out each time that she's just drunk.

"Hello, Ms. Puckett." I greet her. She looks at me curiously. "Fredward Benson, Sam's friend." I remind her. A bit of recognition comes to her face, but I doubt she actually remembers me.

"Um, can I help you?" She asks, shifting uncomfortably.

"I was just wondering if Sam is here?" I asked. She looked at me confused.

"Uh, Sam has been gone for like... what three, four days..." She said as if I should know.

"Well have you informed the police?" I asked, stuffing my hands in my pockets.

"Puh lease. I try to avoid the police at all costs. We don't really get along very well. Besides, Sam is seventeen, she'll come back when she's ready to come back." She shrugged, raising both of her eyebrows and giving me a small smile.

I just stared at her, speechless. What kind of mother... I mean, even _her. _I know Sam thinks she's horrible, but the night she told me about Sam's dad I could tell that she loves Sam very much. But something changed.

Between her story and now, Pam Puckett has changed a lot. I wonder if that's how Sam feels. I wonder if that's why she drinks...

Pam seemed to notice my disapproval, "Look. Freddie, Sam is independent. She's always been that and stubborn. Even if I did make a big thing out of it, that would probably just drive her further away." She explained, and for a minute, I saw the Pam I had talked to all those months ago.

"Thank you, Ms. Puckett. When she comes back... Well I don't know. I guess I'd better go. Bye," I waved and started backwards down the steps. She nodded her head and quickly shut the door.

I don't know... I mean this week has been horrible. I don't know if it's because Sam is gone, or because everyone knows she's gone.

Like, this girl, Hannah Meller, has a HUGE crush on me. Usually she doesn't come around me... Because I'm always with Sam. But she was one of the first people to notice that Sam was gone. So she's been...er, stalking me all week.

I mean, she's been following me around, staring at me in class, talking to me whenever I'm alone... It's just downright creepy. And don't get me wrong, Hannah is a pretty girl. She has long brown hair that hangs straight to her shoulders. She dresses all girly and wears lip gloss. She acts all sweet, but she's crazy. I mean, Yeah, Sam is crazy, but this chick is just downright creepy!

I've been doing my best to avoid her and today as I walked out of the school building and prepared to walk home, I almost got away.

Almost.

I didn't see or hear her coming. One minute I was walking down the street, glancing around every once in a while, and next thing I know, she's touching my arm and saying,

"Hey Freddie! What are _you_ doing? Mind if I walk with you? Oh this is _so_ much fun! Both of us. Just... Walking down the street. _Together._" She smiled at me and I tried not to scream.

"Uh. Hi, Hannah." I said, awkwardly glancing around for some kind of escape. None. She knows where I live so I can't point to a random house and say I live there. I'm stuck with her.

"Oh Freddie! The sky looks so pretty today! Doesn't it look _so_ pretty today!" She tilted her head so she could look right at my face, which had been staring at the ground.

"Uh yeah... Pretty." I said, trying to be polite, but absent. I hoped that maybe if I seemed distant or tired she might get bored and leave.

But I was wrong.

She walked with me the whole way and she chattered away in my ear the whole time. When we neared Bushwell Plaza, she asked a question that actually mattered.

"So.. too bad about Sam, huh?" She commented, knowing it would pull my attention back to her.

I actually looked over at her and said "Yeah, it is." We were across from the alley that she'd walked down the day she ran away and I looked over, down the alley, hoping as I often do, that I'll catch a glimpse of golden hair reflecting in the sun. Hannah saw me looking and I could feel her turn her head and look too.

"You know," She said, causing me to look back around at her, she had a dark look on her face, "That's what girls like her do, Freddie. They run. Because their just too weak. So they run." she shrugged.

I stopped walking and turned to look at her. I just stared at her for a minute. Growing angrier and angrier.

"You know what, Hannah?" I started, tasting the venom in my words, "Maybe Sam did run. Maybe she did just run away from everyone. But _you_ don't know why. _You _don't know _what_ she's going through. And you definitely don't know just how strong she is. She's been through _so_ much. You don't even _know_. So maybe it's okay for her to want to take a break. Maybe it's okay for her to want to relax for a while. And while she's doing so, she shouldn't have to deal with _bitches_ talking about her while she's gone."

Hannah looked shocked, and I imagine she would've gotten angry too. But I'll never know, because I walked away. I walked down the street and to Bushwell Plaza. I ignored her shouts as I walked into the Lobby and heard Lubert say,

"NO ANGRY SAUNTERING IN MY LOBBY!" He shouted, but I ignored him. Making my way up the stairs and to my apartment. I could still hear Hannah's shouts as I unlocked the door and went inside.

"_I may be a BITCH Freddie Benson, but Sam is the Queen Bitch!" _

And as I lay down to go to sleep that night, her former words repeated themselves inmy head. _That's what girls like her do, Freddie. They run. _


	10. You Found Me

{Hello all, I've finally updated! Very sorry for this you all, but anyway, glad to post this update because I know you all were waiting and I'm sorry I kept you waiting. Here is the tumblr for this fanfiction: arreyellewebbfanfiction .tumblr .com (without the spaces.) So... enjoy (: Make a great day, -Ariel} Freddie POV

I was extremely lucky today. Ever since what happened the other day with Hannah Meller, she's been avoiding me like the plague. It's been great. I don't have to worry about her **and** Carly is coming home tomorrow.

The only bad part is I haven't heard from Sam yet. I've begun planning and searching for other places to look for her at. I decided to go to the Groovy Smoothie after school today and have a smoothie. I knew it wouldn't be the same without Sam drinking most of my drink and throwing food at me.

I sat in there for about an hour, just sitting and drinking, and thinking. It felt weird, being there alone. I could practically hear Sam's voice...

"The hell you talkin bout?" She slurred. I looked around, her voice, it sounded so real...

"Aaaw fuck off. Leave me alone," She laughed now. That loud and girly laugh she had...

I looked behind me, toward the counter. I saw that the back door was open and T-Bo was looking outside, as if he was talking to someone. I saw a mass of blonde curls and I felt something in my stomach.

That voice, that hair... It was all too familiar.

"Dammit T-Bo, if I take the pancake on a stick will you leave me the fuck alone?" I heard her slur, and I was positive. I quickly got up out of my seat and jumped over the counter before I could even think it through.

I ran up to the door, and T-Bo, and he turned to look at me.

"How did you get back here? Neva' mind that. You wanna buy some Pancake-on-a-stick?" He asked, holding up a stick with eight or nine pancakes stuffed on there.

"Umm, no thank you," My mother raised me to be polite... I looked around him and saw her.

Sam.

T-Bo scoffed and backed up behind me, but not before he turned to Sam,

"Just hurry up and leave. If the cops come by I'm singin' like a canedy!" He exclaimed.

"Uh, it's canary..." I corrected but he waved me off and went back to his customers.

I turned back around to Sam, afraid if I looked away for too long then she would disappear again.

She wasn't alone. A girl was sitting beside her. She had short, black and styled hair, a piercing on her eyebrow, and tired looking eyes. They were both holding Vodka bottles and leaning against each other for support.

"Sam?" I asked, still not believing that I had found her. And in one of the most obvious places...

She squinted up at me, she had a confused look on her face.

"Freddie," I said, walking out of the doorway and shutting the door behind me. "Benson. Icarly?"

She looked up at me for another minute or so, and I mean _really_ looked me over. _Everywhere. _I shifted my eyes in embarrassment but continued to wait for her realization.

"OH!" She exclaimed suddenly, causing me to jump. "Freddaweirdo! How ya been buddy!" She asked excitedly, then turned to the girl and pointed to me, "That's my friend Freddalupah. The one I told you about," She nudged her and they both laughed, looking up at me. _The hell? How wasted is she?_

_"_Sam?" I asked, letting my confusion leak through in my voice. _One problem at a time. _I told myself. I looked pointedly at the girl sitting next to Sam, and after a few minutes, she caught on.

"Oh! Oh yeah! This is... haha this is Robin! I met her... anyway, she's been letting me crash with her... Oh! And we have a band!" Sam said excitedly, looking up at me and pointing at herself and Robin. Robin looked to be about nineteen or so, she couldn't be much older than us. Twenty one at the oldest; nineteen at the youngest.

And what is this she's talking about a band? Of course that does kind of explain their drinking. I know Sam, and I know that if she would ever join a band, it would be hard rock and somewhat like The Runaways, plenty of drinking included.

"Yeah, I invited Sam into my band. I found her just wandering the streets, singing a Beatles song. She saw me sitting outside of Club Dorango and asked if she could have some of my drink. I told her she had a nice voice and that she just _had_ to be in the band." Robin spoke, her voice was deep and soothing. It mad me think of the stereotypical vampire figures. While she was speaking, I noticed that she also has a piercing on her tongue. She wasn't speaking as slurred as Sam. I mean, and I thought Sam was good because she doesn't stutter or anything...

She was wearing red lipstick, which made me think of blood, and eyeliner, heavily applied. Seriously, she is going for the whole vampire thing. She was wearing an amulet around her neck, a bottle filled with something red. I couldn't see anything else, for they were both covered with a large, dark green blanket.

"I know! I mean, you should see us Fredly, we rock SO hard!" Sam enthused, smiling broadly. I was shocked, Sam didn't smile like that often, well unless she's drunk. Of course. Living up to the rockstar image.

"I bet you do Sam," I let out a small smile, but I wasn't really feeling it, "But... Why haven't you answered your phone or anything?" I ask, looking at her warily. She looked at me with that confused look again and then she burst out laughing.

"OH! Dude, I didn't want anyone breathing all in my grill. Chill out. I was going to get in contact with you at some point... I think." She shook her head, still laughing. _Breathing in my grill? _What happened to her?

I looked at Sam once again and was shocked by the bold changes in her I had stupidly missed. She was wearing makeup, just like Robin, and it was an odd thing for Sam. Usually she's too lazy to put on anything other than lip gloss. Today though, she had heavily applied eyeliner and soft red lip stain (I knew it wasn't lipstick because... well I mean I have a mom so...), it was applied as to where it looked like her lips were naturally a deep pink, light red color. I'm pretty sure she's wearing mascara because her already long lashes look thicker and even longer. She also had glittery cheeks, that looked pink, and even though it's so different from the Sam I'm used to, she looks pretty good.

Of course Sam could pull off a lot, I mean, she would probably still be hot as a nun, but I mean... It's just odd seeing her change right in front of me. I haven't seen her in, what, eight days? And already she's turning into a brand new person.

"Well... Sam..." I start off slow, knowing that her cheery drunken mood could backlash on me when I get the words out. "Are you- are you going to come home?" I ask her, fiddling with my hands and avoiding her eyes. "Because... because we um... We miss you, Sam," Oh is that a rock by my foot? Well isn't that _so_ interesting...

She's quiet for a while, both of them are. Robin, I can guess, probably doesn't want to interfere with the reunion, and Sam... Well, I don't know _what_ Sam's thinking. And she's drunk so that just makes it worse.

I fear that maybe she'll get mad and yell at me again.

I see her stand in my peripheral vision. I raise my head and look at her. I can see what she's wearing and my jaw hits the ground.

Sam was never really one for... fashion. Well not for modern fashion, she has her own fashion. Her own style. This though, what she's wearing now... This isn't her.

I'm really hoping this is just because she's drunk, I hope she's just like this because she's not herself right now.

When is she ever herself anymore?

She's wearing a red midriff top that's a v-neck so if she were to bend over I could see right down her shirt. In fact, I'm taller than her so if she were to step close I would get a glimpse...

Anyway, that alone is giving off a view of a lot of skin. Not to mention the plump breasts beneath that I keep getting a peek at...

Get your brain out of the gutter Benson!

She's wearing shorts, which isn't really not normal for her, but they're shorter shorts and add that to her shirt...

Okay so basically I'm restricting myself from the urge to jump her bones right here and now...

She's wearing black converse shoes and a necklace that says 'REAL EYES REALIZE REAL LIES' The thing that really shocks me though, is her stomach.

Aside from the plain beauty of it; the flat, slightly tanned surface, that makes me want to reach out and touch the soft warmth of it. There is her belly button.

Now, yeah it's just a normal belly button, but the _thing _she has on it...

That's right. A piercing. I stare down at the red ball sticking out of her stomach and belly button. I notice that there are black stripes on it.

"Fredward," She says softly, jostling my attention away from the naval piercing and back to her. I look at her for a moment while I wait for her to continue. I mean I _really_ look at her.

I try hard to stare into her. To stare into the blue abyss of her eyes. Try to stare through them and see what's hiding behind them.

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, and I'm trying hard to find hers.

I just want to know what happened to my friend.

"This is who I am now," She says as if she's read my mind, "This is where I belong." She says, sounding more sober now than she was before. Maybe a serious conversation brings out sobering conversation skills.

"Who are you?" I ask her looking at her hard and watching her flinch, "Because I just don't know _who_ you are anymore. Ever since _this_," I snatch the vodka bottle from her hand and she's so drunk she makes no attempt to take it back, "happened... You've changed. Ever since this thing with Carly," She flinches, "You've changed."

I hear a song playing in my head, realizing it goes great with the situtation at hand.

_I'm looking through you, where did you go  
I thought I knew you, what did I know  
You don't look different, but you have changed  
I'm looking through you, you're not the same _

"Maybe I have changed," She held her head a little bit higher, "But what was I supposed to do Fredly? The drinking? The band? The attitude? _This_ is _who _I am! This is what runs in my blood. This is the last flaw my father gave me. The last curse he put upon me. I'm tired of putting up with shit. I'm tired of pretending. Here," She looks around and motions to the now dark alley, "I don't have to. No one expects anything from me, and I can be whoever I want to be. Do you want to take that from me?" She asks, looking at me with the eyes I had seen too many times to count. The eyes that said 'Hit me with your best shot. I'll hit yo uback harder', the challenging eyes. And I knew that I wouldn't win, knew that she would beat me, again. But I had to try.

"No, Sam I don't want to take that from you. I just want you to be happy. But I want you to be happ y at home. Where you belong. Sam, we don't care what problems you think you have and what mistakes you make, we care about _you_. And we _all_ want you home." I plead, holding onto only the hope I've built up around myself for the past week. Holding onto the fantasy that she'll take my hand and we'll skip home and work on getting rid of her addiction. Thinking only of the fantasy of that happy ending.

Before Sam can reply, we hear a voice. Robin is speaking.

"Sam, I hate to interrupt... But umm... Ryan and Michael are here." She points to a car pulling up into the alley. I see two guys sitting in the front, they trn around and look at Robin through the window. They start waving their arms, telling her to come on. Robin looks at Sam and points to the car again. She starts picking up their stuff and Sam turns back to face me.

"Sam, don't." I start shaking my head, I reach out and grab her hand, "Please," I look into her eyes, pleading.

She looks torn. She glances from my eyes and back behind her at Robin, getting in the car. Robin motions again and climbs into the back seat.

Sam turns around and silently grabs the vodka bottle, her other hand still in mine.

"I'll call you. I promise." She says, leaning in and giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Sam-" I start but she cuts me off.

"I'm sorry" She says. Then she pulls her hand out from mine and runs to catch her ride.

I watch her climb in the back seat of the car and settle in next to Robin. I continue to watch the car. Even when it takes off down the alley, disappearing around the corner.

.

.

.

.

.

**{seperate**}

.

.

.

.

.

Later on that night, I was laying on my bed, staring up at my ceiling and just thinking. Wondering really. Who are Ryan and Michael? And how does Sam know them? What are they doing right now? Why were they in such a hurry?

Why did Sam go?

So bascially, I have a ton of questions, and no answers. Ever since I found Sam... It's been hard.

She's _all _I've been thinking about. Of course that didn't really change much because that's how it was before. Bu t now, I'm remembering her tonight, and her during the other times I've seen her drunk.

I just don't get it. There's something... different... about her now. Something different about how she is drunk this way. And I just _don'__t _get it.

_"Do you regret doing this?" Sam asked me. Drunk, as usual. She reached down and took a gulp of the drink she had poured herself. _

_"Doing what?" I asked, watching her flip channels on the TV. She stopped on Spongebob and Patrick came into view being 'beat up' by Spongebob. Sam started laughing loudly, her body shaking. _

_"This," She said throwing her arm up in the air and watching it fall back down. "Me. Hanging out with me. Letting me get wasted in your living room while your mom is at work. And taking care of me while I do it? I mean, don't you have a ny better things to do? Even nubs have lives." She said, laughing again at Spongebob, not really realizing how... deep her question was. She'd said it so nonchalantly and friendly... you'd think they were talking about what they were doing that weekend, not whether or not they regret something._

_"Nah, Sam, I don't regret any of this," I'd said, knowing it was true. I didn't have much of a life other than Sam.. well and Carly, but she'd just been so busy lately. Really there was nothing else I could do..._

I thought back, all of those days I'd spent with Sam, watching TV or looking out over the city. It was all Sam. Always. I never really noticed how much she made up my day until she was gone.

Man, I'm pathetic.

I decide to go to bed, checkingmy phone and putting it on the charger on the nightstand by my bed. Then I turn off the light and get under the covers and drift off to sleep.

I don't know how long I've slept, when my phone goes off, waking me up. My head shoots up and I glance at my digital alrm clock.

3:23 AM.

I pick up my ringing phone and answer it, pressing it to my ear, without checking the caller ID.

As soon as I hear the background noise, I know that the person is clearly outside.I jump up and throw my shoes on, which were by my bed, and grab my hoodie off of my desk chair.

"Hello," I say, already knowing who it was and what they might be calling for. I open my bedroom door. I walk right to the front door, stopping only to grab the car keys.

"Hey," The voice says, pausing for a minute and I'm walking down the stairs to the lobby. By the time I reach the car, the voice contnues.

"It's Sam."


	11. Ryan

**Okaydokay, this is early for you all ;) Anyway, _today is my birthday_ (: Woohoo and I really wanted to get one of my stories out today! Whoop. Enjoy! -Make a great day, Ariel (: **

**DISCLAIMER: If I really owned iCarly do you think I'd still trudge to school every weekday? Ha. **

**I don't own Smoothie Prince either, if it does exist. **

**Sam's POV**

"Where are you?" He asked me before I even told him to come pick me up. I heard him starting the car in the background and I looked around the room. There was an old ady yapping on the payphone next to me. She shot me a dirty look when she saw me looking and I shot one right back.

Figures.

"At the train station." I replied, thinking once again of what happened to get me here.

"I'm on my way," He said and I could tell he was because I heard the wind whirring as he drove down the street. It would take him about fifteen minutes to get here, it wasn't very far but he always followed the "Rules of Good Driving". His mother actually tacked a list on the dashboard of 'safe' driving rules.

"Okay, I'll see you then, " I said, putting the phone back on the hook without hearing his response.

I walked away from the phone books, through the busy station. _This place is always busy. _

I made my way to the food court and to the Smoothie Prince. I approached the man at the counter. I was thirsty and this was the only stand with drinks that wasn't completely full. A little girl, she looked about ten, that I'd cut in front of started to whine but I turned around and glared at her. _I am so not in the mood. _Her eyes widened and she immediately shut up, taking a step back and staring at me with fear in her eyes.

_Damn. I am such a monster. _The girl and I were the only ones there other than a few people who were waiting on their orders. I sighed and bent down so I was at a good height to talk to the girl, eye to eye.

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm just... I've got a lot going on. It's hard being a teenager. Here's a tip. Don't grow up. I'd rather go back right now to when I was your age and the only thing I had to worry about was what to wear on the first day of school and when my mom was my best friend. Right now, kid, you're living the life." and with that, I turned around and looked at the man at the counter. I didn't wait for the girl to reply, and she probably wouldn't, but I felt her untense a little bit behind me.

"Hey Paulie." I said to the chubby, red faced man. _Why is he always smiling? _

"Hey Sam, strawberry lemonade?" He asked, smiling at me.

"I come here way too often," I said, grinning right back. _Oh how much a smile can hide. I need a drink. _

"Careful out there," He said pinting toward one of the exits, "All the freaks come out at night," He warned, wagging his finger and winking at me.

I laughed, "Aw, Come to the dark side Paulie, we have cookies."

We both laughed again, and he handed me my drink. (He pays for them himself. We're good friends.) I remembered the girl behind me and waved at Paulie, before turning and walking out of the food court.

I walked toward the front entrance of the train station and looked out of the huge windows. It was starting to rain. I looked toward the bench out front, where I'd sat less than an hour ago. I looked closely and I could see that the bottle of Bacardi Robin had stashed was still there.

I walked outside. I felt the cool air wash over me and it immediately calmed me. I cautiously walked over to the bench and picked up the plastic bag that held the glass bottle. My plan was to down it in the train station bathroom.

As I picked it up though, a memory involuntarily flashed through my head...

_**"Ryan! I said stop!" I screamed as Ryan tried to press his lips to mine. He let his hand fall to my waist and tried to pull me closer to him. I resisted and pulled myself back. **_

_**He held on tighter. **_

_**"Come on Sam," He slurred.**_

_**He pulled me to him again, this time succefully pressing my lips to his. He sloppy kissed my lips. He pushed my mouth open. His mouth was so wet... too wet. For some reason, I thought of Freddie and his soft, not too wet lips...**_

_**I could taste the alcohol in his mouth and his saliva was everywhere. Ew. As he continued to shove his tongue deeper into my mouth, his hands worked their way to my butt, which he squeezed. I shuddered and pushed harder against his chest, only managing to push his mouth away from mine. His hands remained. He pushed me back against the wall and his hands moved... blurry... **_

_**I could hear his voice in my ear again, "Come on. It's just me. Ryan." He urgedI could feel his hands though... his hands started to move toward my zipper...**_

_**I reacted to this almost immediately. Before my brain could process what happened, my knee shot up and into his groin. I pushed against his body with almost all of my power. He stumbled back a good few feet and clutched at his groin, falling to the ground...**_

I shook my head, trying to shake the memory away. I shuddered. I turned to walk back into the train station.

Before I could walk back in, I saw a man walking toward me. He was wearing dark colors and his brown coat was buttoned closed. He wore a gray hat and he had dark eyes. He tried to grab for me.

_**Ryan was still on the ground, moaning and cursing at me. I saw Michael running toward us...**_

Without thinking, I lifted the bottle and crashed it down on top of his head. I heard the glass shatter as it hit the hard surface of his head. The blow was weakened by the bag but I kicked his legs and watched as he fell to the ground. He screamed in pain and a woman who had been walking and had most likely seen it all rushed over. People started to gather around and I just held my smoothie to my chest, frightened.

"Sam!" I heard my name called out of the crowd of people around me and the man. I couldn't turn around I was too shocked.

I immediately loosened when I felt to two strong hands on my shoulders. I whirled around, ready to attack, when I saw that it was only Freddie. I sighed and silently followed him to the car, my presense to the crowd forgotten already.

We climbed into the car quietly. I settled into my seat and put my feet up on the dasboard. I wasn't shocked anymore. As he started to pull off, I busied myself with finishing off my smoothie. I was almost done when he spoke for the first time since we'd gotten in the car.

"What happened?" He asked. His voice sounded calm, but I could tell he had forced it to sound that way. He kept his eyes on the road and tried to make it look like he was being nonchalant. But I _know_ when he's nonchalant. Right now, he's just anxious.

I shook my head, staring out the window, "Nothing..." I trailed off. He was silent for a moment. We were in an unfamiliar neighborhood, and the area ahead was a deserted parking lot for a building that was torn down years before _I _was born. He pulled up into the parking lot and turned the car off, putting it in park.

"Explain." He turned to look at me while he said it. One word. As if it was that simple. I sighed and crossed my arms. I kept my attention out the window, hoping maybe he'll just drop it.

"Sam." He said my name.

_**"Sam!" Michael shouted as I saw the police ligths behind him.**_

"Sam!" Freddie said again, alerted by the look on my face. "Are you okay?" He asked, placing his hand on my shoulder. I looked at his hand for a moment. _It's just Freddie. _

"I'm fine." I lie, looking away from his concerned gaze, "Just.. something happened okay. The police came and they caught Robin. It was nothing. She did some illegal stuff... it's fine. _I'm _fine. I just... I need a drink," I grumble, resting my head on the edge of the seat, still staring out the window. He was quiet again for minute.

After a few minutes, I started to get impatient. I sighed again and shifted.

"What aren't you telling me?" Freddie asked quietly. Looking over at me once again. This time, I met his gaze and, for some reason, I couldn't look away.

I saw something when I met his eyes. And even though he tried to hide as soon as I turned around, I still saw it.

The look in his eyes was quickly replaced with a look of suspicion and worry. I was still shocked by his earlier emotion but I made sure to hide it well. We just sat there and looked at each other for a minute.

I thought about all of these years I spent with Freddie. All of the times he had my back, even when I didn't deserve it. I thought about that first kiss... and wondered about the last one that I still didn't remember. I thought about all of the fun he and I had had alone, and all of the laughs we shared. I thought of how trustworthy and nice he had been to me all these years and how horrible I had been to him.

And lastly, I thought about the way he touches me. The way he touches me with friendship and friendly love. The way he doesn't touch me in inappropriate places and the way every time he does touch me I feel safe and welcome.

Nothing like the way Ryan touched me. I shivered again and rememberd his cold hands on my face, the way I could feel the cold, roughness of those hands while they rested on my butt. Even though there was two layers of clothing between them.

Suddenly, I wanted to tell Freddie everything. I wanted to tell him the way Ryan tried to touch me, tried to use me. I wanted to explain how Robin had ditched me to go smoke illegal drugs with Michael. How she left me there, alone with Ryan. I wanted to tell him how dirty Ryan made me feel, even though I didn't give him what he wanted.

I wanted to tell him how safe I felt right now. Right there. With him. How safe he always made me feel...

I didn't realize I was crying until Freddie reached up to wipe a tear drop off of my face.

"I'm sorry..." I said, turning away and wiping the tears from my face. I turned back around quickly, I was telling him, now before I lost the nerve.

"I'm good now." I insisted, "Okay I'll tell you,"I said and he nodded. "Robin ditched me to go smoke some illegal drugs and stuff and Ryan... he... he..." I stammered, trying to get the words out.

_Sam, _you can do this, _All he did was touch you a little bit. Sexual abuse. At least he didn't go for the R word. _

Freddie looked concerned. "Sam-" He started but I held my finger up to stop him.

"He tried to take something from me... that I wasn't ready to give away yet..." I said, feeling like a small amoutn of the weight on my chest was lifted.

Freddie looked shocked, but the shock soon turned into anger. His knuckles gripped the wheel and his hands were turning very pale, they were shaking with his anger. And so was he.

"But I didn't let him!" I said frantically, _I have to stop him... Who knows what Ryan will do to him..._

_" _He _touched _you didn't you?" Freddie spat out, looking past me out of the passenger side window. I was afraid to speak. I'd never seen him so _mad_ before. I've done some pretty bitchy things to him but he _never _got anywhere _near_ this mad...

I slowly nodded my head, once. I saw the muscles in his neck tighten, and I was truly frightened.

"_Where is he!_" Freddie hissed. His voice sounded dark and angry. I felt my eyes widen and I pressed myself into the door, afraid of what his anger might drive him to do.

"Michael probably carried him to his car and took him back to Club Dorango. Freddie what are you going to do? Please. Don't do anything you'll regret. Don't hurt him, Freddie. It's not worth it." I pleaded, mentally kicking myself for telling him, yet wondering what he'll do. Hoping maybe his anger will make him stronger... make him hurt Ryan the way he hurt me. But then even thinking that kind of makes me feel bad. I don't want either of them to get hurt or Freddie to get in trouble for me...

"Sam," Freddie's voice broke my thoughts and I turned my attention back to him. He was starting the car and pulling out of the parking space. "He hurt you. He used you. You are my _best_ friend. And when someone even _thinks_ about hurting you... you can't even imagine how mad _that_ would make me... Sam, I've known you for years. And of course we've spent most of that time arguing and all, but you're still one of my closest friends. I am there for you. I always will be. I don't want you to get hurt. Ever. So yes, Sam, it's very worth it." He said. I was shocked. I just stared at him.

I stared at him, my mouth agape, as he drove out of the parking lot and made his way to Club Dorango.


	12. Thank You

**Okay you all, here's the next chapter. The first part is in Ryan's point of view. **

**Also, I've made a couple decisions. ****I am tired of only getting like three or four comments each chapter. So I have decided that I am going to **_**take my time**_** to update and spell check and everything. I will try update as soon as I get eight reviews. I know it seems cruel but I don't see the point in updating as soon as I can when only a few people tell me they like it. Besides, comments inpire me and make me **_**want**_** to update sooner! AND, I have decided to make the "Best Review of the Chapter" Award. And whoever has the best review, will get a sneak peek of the next chapter (: Anyway, I'll stop rambling and let you read (: Enjoy. -Make a great day, Ariel}**

_Man, I need a drink. _I'm in line for the Dorango Club. I don't even need my fake ID because I made nice friends with the usher. I have a huge headache and an aching groin from everything that happened tonight with that Sam girl. I mean, damn. She acted like she didn't even _want _to hook up. What bitch hangs out with Robyn and doesn't wanna fuck?

I just hope no one finds out about it. It could really mess up my player rep. I make sure to ignore the pain and try to still look as irresistable as I know I am. Which brings me back to Sam. How could she resist this? I've got foreign girls selling their organs to get me. And I picked her for free!

What a bitch.

The line is pretty long tonight so I take the chance to see if there are any hot girls in line so far. I mean, I _do_ have to make up for my loss tonight. It's strictly business. As I'm looking ahead of me, I hear someone say my name from behind me.

"Ryan! Is that _you!_" I turn around and see a girl who looks vaguely familiar. She's got this big blonde hair and Dolly Parton boobs. And they're emphasized by the mouth watering skimpiness of her dress. No doubt I've hit that. And no doubt I will again.

"Oh. Hey babe," I say calmly. Keeping it cool. She flutters her eyelashes and does this bounce like thing which practically throws her boobs in my face.

"Ohmigosh what are _you_ doing here!" She asks, smiling wide and seductively. Okay, maybe I'll ditch the club and take her on a trip to my favorite motel...

"Looking for you... B-bonnie?" I say, knowing that's not her real name but knowing that I'll never remember it.

She giggles and throws her hair back, looking slightly annoyed.

"No. I'm Allison, silly!" She throws her boobs into my face again.

"Yeah, that's what I meant." I dismiss. Now that 'Red Hot' lip gloss would look really good on my...

"You son of a bitch!" I hear someone yell and they sound like they're coming toward me. I look around and I see some brown haired dude walking my way. _This is never good_. I hate when girls boyfriends come after me. Especially while I'm getting my mac on. He looks pissed.

Of course I'm used to that.

He gets closer and I raise my eyebrows at him, questioning him.

"Yeah you!" He yells, now standing directly in front of me. _Here we go again. _

"Whaddaya want?" I ask, throwing as much edge in as I can while trying to keep cool in front of... A-...B-... that blonde chick.

"What do I want? " He yells, and a few people turn their heads. "I _want _you to go apologize to Sam!" He points behind him at a car. I see a girl sitting in the front seat with long blonde hair. That Sam girl...

And _this _is her boyfriend? Ha. I'm so much hotter than him. He seems like a nerd.

"Look dude," I say, putting my hands in my pockets and stading up straighter "It's not my fault. _She_ tried to _attack _me." I lie, looking over at the blonde girl and winking. She smiled seductively and bounced her boobs again. Yeah, I am so in there.

The dude, though, looked beyond pissed. After I turned back to face him, I saw his fist coming at my face.

_Crack._ The impact of his fist with my jaw made a noise but I knew it wasn't broken or anything. I punched him back in the gut and soon enough, it was a full fledged fight. I vaguely heard a vcar door and some yelling but I was too focused on making this dudes face as bloody as I could.

I'm winnning. I always do.

"Freddie!" I hear a voice yell. Hmm, that sounds familiar. I glance behind the dude and see that Sam girl rushing up,looking all worried. Seeing my distraction, - Freddie- punches me in the gut. I fight back twice as hard.

Soon enough, the usher, a friend of mine named Ernie, is rushing over. I continue to try to kick as much crap outta this Freddie kid as fast as I can before Ernie can break it up. I feel a strong hand on my back, pulling me away and I know it's over. This is how it always ends.

That Freddie kid is cussing at me as Ernie pulls us off of each other.

"Calm down now. If you two wanna fight, take it away from here," Ernie cautions, his deep voice and huge body no doubt posing a threat on Freddie.

"Freddie it's not worth it," Sam says, putting her hands on his shoulders and trying to pull him away. He's got a bloody (Maybe broken) nose and multiple scars on his face. I touch my own face to se that all I have is a bloody nose.

Ha.

"Freddie..." Sam says again when Freddie doesn't move, still snarling at me. "_He's _not worth it," She bites out, glaring up at me. I smirk back at her. "He's not worth it," she says again, to the blonde chick and all the other people surrounding us.

She finally gets that dude to back off and takes him back to the car. She says something to him and then starts to walk back over. I look at her curiously. _The hell does she want?_

She walks right up to me, right up in my face.

"I like men with bigger 'packages'." She says as loud as she can, right in my face. _The fuck is she talking about? My package is huge! _She smirks and looks back at the car, as if proving a point.

"Well... whatever. I could fuck your brains out," I say back. Lacking an insult to meet hers.

"Puhlease. You'll never be the man your mother is. Needle dick," She says leaning in and whispering the last part right in my ear. Everyone around me laughed at me as she turned around and flounced back to the car. She gets in the drivers seat because she made him get in the passenger seat. As she pulls off I yell at her. 

"BITCH! Next time you can't handle a _real_ man, don't call your wimpy boyfriend to 'handle' him!"

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**Freddie's POV**

_That bastard. _

_That dumbass fucking bastard. _

_That man whore._

I think. Though, I don't really need to because Sam is already giving a list out loud.

"Hob knocker. Fucking dick face. Cumguzzler. Crotch stain. Dillweed. Sling banger. Douchebag. Dipshit. Asswipe. Fucktard..." She's been at this from the second we got in the car. When we heard Ryan yell after us and call her a bitch (and my girlfriend), they got even worse, and more insulting. Not that I mind. I agree with every word she says about him. He's a jackass.

From cocksmoker, anal discharge, cunt rag, and peckerhead I had figured she'd gone through her vocabulary of insulting names, but of course, as Sam, she had an endless vocabulary in that.

She's calling him names as she drives, boring her eyes into the car in front of her. She look pissed. And her driving is very scary right now. If I value my life, maybe I should calm down so she can calm down.

"Sam," I groan in a pleading voice. I have a huge headache and my face really hurts. It was worth it though. No matter what she says, it was worth it.

"Sorry, " She says softly, quieting down for a few minutes. After a little while, she pulls over. We're on a street halfway between my house and hers. She turns and looks at me, and starts studying my face. Neither of us says anything for a while and her eyes are unreadable.

She reaches out and touches a scar on my face. _ow... _I whince but I don't say anything. Her face looks apologetic when she feels me flinch and she quickly pulls her hand back. Her hand on the scar had actually felt pretty nice after the pain went away. Her cool hand felt good on my hot and burning face. She turns her face away from me and looks down at her lap.

"You shouldn't have done that," She whispers, still looking down at her lap. Why doesn't she understand? _Yes_ I did have to do that. I wasn't going to stand by and watch some dude try to take advantage of her. Just thinking of his sick hands on her skin makes me want to beat him to a pulp.

Sure, maybe I did lose, but I made a point. I proved that no one was going to mess with Sam without paying the price. I've been working out lately and if he wasn't so above average I could've beat him. I'm going to have to start practicing if I want to protect her.

Wait, where did this come from? When did I start caring about Sam so much?

Actually, I think I always have...

When Jonah hurt Sam, I had 'pulled a few strings' and gotten him expelled. When Pete had hurt her feelings by making her think she was too tomboyish I had had raw, cow meat hid in various spots in his room. The list could go on. When people hurt Sam, I had always gone out of my way to hurt them back. I had always told myself it wa because she was Carly's best friend, but I never realized she was my best friend too.

"He could have hurt you..." Sam continued on when I didn't reply.

"Sam..." I started, wondering how I could sum up the reason why I _had_ to do this. Why I did it for her.

"This is all my fault," She said before I could continue, her voice breaking. Is she crying?

"No Sam, it's his fault. _Never_ say it's your fault. He was the one who tried to hurt _you_. He brought that upon himself. He deserved it. You said it yourself, he's a jerk." I said comfortingly, reaching my hand out and putting it on her shoulder. It kind of hurt but I was gnoring any pain I felt at the moment.

"No... He was right. I was stupid. I should have fought back, I should have left... He was just **so** strong... I didn't... I didn't know what to do. I was scared." She whispered, finally lifting her head. She didn't look at me though, she turned and looked out her window. When she lifted her head though, I could see that she wasn't crying but her eyes were watering and her face was red.

I didn't say anything for a moment. What could I say? I'm not ready for this. I'm not good at this. I'm just a teenage boy. I'm not prepared to deal with these kinds of emotions. Sam was never really the type to get emotional, So I'm not used to this. That time at the park... I got lucky.

How do you help a girl who was emotionally hurt? A girl who was almost raped?

I have to try though. I have to do this.

"Everyone gets scared. It's normal. It's human. It's okay to make mistakes. You don't have to try to be so strong. It's okay to be weak sometimes..." I trail off. Her hands are in her lap and I look down and see that they are shaking.

"But you see. No it's not. When everyone expects you to be so strong and so uncaring and they don't ever expect you to be hurt or expect you to do anything like that. It's hard. That's why I drink. The ache of the hangovers are never as bad as having to feel like this all the time. The alcohol numbs me and I don't have to feel pressured all the time." She explains. I get it. She drinks so she doesn't have to feel. But why can't she realize that that's not the way to go?

"I don't like having to deal with people and their feelings. My mom made me anitsocial. I don't like talking about how I feel and explaining myself. When I drink, I can ignore people. I can pass out and just sleep. I don't have to worry. I like that." She says, turning around and glancing at me quickly before turning and staring straight ahead.

I don't know what to say. When someone like Sam just opens up to you, well it can leave you speechless. Sure, a few times I'd gotten her to tell me a little bit about the reason she drinks but never... never anything like this.

I wondered if I should tell her I know about her dad. Or maybe I should tell her how much we all care about her. Or how much Carly and Spencer missed her. Or that they're coming home tomorrow. Or today actually, it's probably three am or sometime around that.

I'll ask her a question. I'll take this opportunity to get her to answer one of my many questions.

"Sam?" I ask her, wanting to make sure I had her full attention.

"Hmm?" She replied, actually turning around and looking at me. Her eyes aren't as wet anymore and her face isn't as red.

"One time, when you were drunk, you asked me if I ever got tired of hanging out and watching over you while you're drunk." I start.

"Yes. And?" She says.

"Do you?" I ask, and then blush, though my face is already red and bloody so she probably didn't notice, "Get tired of me always being around, I mean."

She looks at me for a minute, looks at me with a look I don't really understand, a look I can't really read. She reaches up and touches one my scars again, keeping eye contact the whole time. I didn't flinch this time, my eyes were too busy searching hers.

"Never,"she says softly, her hand still on my face. For some reason, her words made my stomach flutter. The moon was behind me and I could see it reflected in her eyes, we were going to be having a full moon soon.

She slowly pulled her hand away and put it one the key in the ignition. She put her other hand on the steering wheel. She turned away and started the car.

"We should get going. It's almost four in the morning." She says in her normal voice, but I can hear something behind it, something I can't quite make out.

"Aw man, when my mom sees me she'll have a heart attack." I groan, letting my head fall back against the seat, but still looking over at her. She laughs lightly, and loostens up a little bit.

"You can stay at my house. Tell your mom you were studying with... Gibby and it was too late to drive so you decided to crash at his place." She says, turning and heading in the direction of her house.

"What about my face?" I ask, raising my eyebrows. She thinks about that for a moment, driving in silence. She rolls the window down a little bit and the wind moves her hair around some. With the moonlight and the wind, Sam looked beautiful from this angle. I continued to gaze at her as she thought up an excuse.

"Say Gibby's cat attacked you. I'll help clean the wounds as best as I can but that's the best excuse you've got." She finally says after a while.

I mean what choice do I have? At least I can clean myself up a little bit.

"Okay," I say, smiling at her, "It's all settled then."

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Though I'd been to Sam's house multiple times, I had never been in her room. We'd always hung out in the living room or in the kitchen. Well, since her mom was home, (Passed out and hungover of course) We went to her room.

The first thing I noticed when I walked into Sam's room were the pictures. They were all over her wall. There were some of trees, some of the sun, the sky. There were some of Melanie, some of other girls I didn't know, there were some of random objects, and even some of food. They were hung up all over Sam's room.

"Wow," I said as I walked in, looking around at all of the pictures. She looked around with me and smiled. Before I could ask her anything about it she disappeared back into the hallway and shut the door behind her. I walked over to one of her walls and studied a picture on it. This one was a girl, she looked kind of like Sam- she had similar blonde hair but her eyes were green. Her hair was in pigtails and she was wearing a green dress, which brought out her green eyes nicely. The girl was looking up at the camera, but she wasn't smiling. Her mouth was slightly open, revealing small baby teeth. She sat with her legs right in front of her and her hands in the grass behind her, supporting herself. She had an innocent, yet mysterious look on her face. The girl looked to be about five or six. I would have to ask Sam later.

Sam walked back into the room with a first aid kit. I turned around and looked at her with questioning eyes. She set the kit down and walked over to me and the picture.

"That's my cousin, Callie." She said, "She's six."

I nodded and looked back around the room at the other pictures, "Did _you_ take all of these?" I asked her, my eyes widening.

"Yeah..." She said, sounding a little offended.

"They're really good," I complimented, looking at her earnestly. She blushed a little, but turned away, thinking I couldn't see. She walked back over to her bed and picked up the first aid kit.

"Sit." She commanded, and I obeyed. Her bed was soft, but cold because no one had sat on it in over a week. Sam began cleaning my wounds with liquids that stung and cotton pads. I watched her as she bandaged me up, shocked that she was doing such a good job. She looked intent and quiet as she worked, making sure to clean everything very well and bandage only the most serious scars. There were only a few cuts and only one deep one. That was the only one bandaged. I had a black eye and a bloody nose. When she went to clean my nose it hurt a little bit. I winced and she worked on it even softer than she already was.

After a while, she smiled to herself and pulled her hands away from my face. She stepped back and looked at her work with admiration. She put the stuff back in the first aid kit but in my peripheral vision I saw her pull something colorful out. She closed the first aid kit and stepped back into my view. She held something behind her back and gave me a sneaky smile.

"The finishing touch," She announced, pulling a red sucker and a purple sucker from behind her back. She held them both in front of me and I took the red one. She tore the wrapper off of the purple one and stuck it in her mouth.

She said, "Umm... I have some basketball shorts but..."

"Yeah... Uh... I could sleep in my boxers... if you don't mind..." I trailed off, looking anywhere but at her. I knew I was blushing and I bet she was too.

"Um. No I don't mind. I'm going to ummm... take a shower and put something else on." She said. Quickly grabbing some clothes from a drawer and disappearing down the hall.

When she came back I had been listening to my PearPod (Which had been in my pocket when I put my pants on to go get her from the train station). Her hair was mostly dry but I could tell it wasn't all the way. She was wearing red shorts, of course, and a yellow T-Shirt. I had taken my pants on while she was gone so I was sitting on her bed in my boxers. She locked the door when she came in and threw her clothes into a hamper in a corner of the room.

She flipped the light off and walked around to the foot of the bed. She climbed onto the bed on the side nearest the wall, which left me on the edge. In the darkness I could still feel and hear her moving around as she got in the bed. I lifted the blanket and laid down, feeling her do the same.

We lay there in silence for a moment, it wasn't awkward but It wasn't normal either.

"Hey, you awake?" She asks after a few minutes, breaking the silence.

"Yeah." I reply. She shifts beside me.

"I just wanted to say thank you," She said, and then yawned, "For everything." I waited a moment before replying, my stomach getting those flutter feelings again at her words.

"Any time." I reply.

"Well... Night nerd." She says, laughing quietly to herself. I laugh with her, and then we both quiet down.

"Goodnight Sam."


	13. Home is Where The Heart is

_**Do boo be dop doo **_

_**ope dee do bee be **_

_**bop bop be de boo**_

I groan and put my hand over my face. O_w. Why does my face hurt?_ I open my eyes and look up at the ceiling. _Wait. This isn't my room_. I sit up and look around. Memories flash back.

"Leave it to you to have _the_ lamest ringtone ever." I hear a voice say and I glance over at the direction it came from. Of course. Sam is sitting on the edge of the bed, dangling one leg off of the edge while the other one sits in front of her. She has a bottle in her hand and I can see that the brown liquid is half full.

"what are you drinking?" I ask her, sitting up and wiping the sleep out of my eyes.

"Royal. Brandy royal I think." She says, turning back to her AppleMP4.

Leave it to her to wake up and get a drink. Wait... why is she awake?

"Sam, why are you-" But my phone interrupted me.

_**Do boo be dop doo **_

_**ope dee-**_

_**"**_Augh! Turn that off before I shove it down your throat," Sam threatened, letting her head reast against the wall. I reached over to where I put my pants and felt around in my pockets for my phone. I pulled it out and pressed the talk button, pressing it to my ear without looking at the caller id.

"Freddie?" A voice said and I realized it was Carly. She sounded frantic and tired.

"Hey Carly," I greeted her, glancing over at Sam.

"Where are you! I'm _home_!" Carly practically yelled in my ear.

"Oh chizz. Sorry Carly, I totally forgot. I... had to help my mom with something last night so I didn't get it until late." I said, Sam met my gaze.

"Late? Well it must have been _really _late because it's two in the afternoon!" Carly exclaimed and I could almost hear her pacing. _Is it really that late?_ I wondered, pulling my phone away from my ear and checking the time. 2:14pm.

"Aaw. I'm sorry Carly. But I have a huge surprise for you!" I tell her and Sam's eyes widen. She starts shaking her head but I ignore her.

"What is it?" Carly asks.

"You'll see. I'm be there in about an hour and a half." I tell her. She huffs out a 'fine' and we say goodbye. Once I press the end button, Sam tackles me. (I never even noticed she put the bottle down) She puts her hands and knees on either side of me and glares at me.

"What?" I ask her, starting to feel awkward under her glare.

"What the chizz!" She yells in my face and I cringe.

"What did I do?" I ask her.

"Did I _tell_ you you could tell Carly I'm back?" She questions, supporting herself on one hand as she uses the other to slap me. I feel immense pain in my face and I am once again reminded of yesterday's events. I see a flash of hurt and regret in her eyes but it is quickly replaced with the same anger as before.

She is just so intent on convincing everyone that she's a heartless, soulless, monster.

"First of all, OW. Second of all, she's your best friend-" I start but she interrupts me.

"Exactly! That's why she can't know yet. I need to figure this out! I mean she'll freak, and she's got that little alien thing growing inside of her. Dude! Thanks a lot!" She says sarcastically.

"Sam-" I start but she interrupts me, again.

"What if she passes out or something?" Sam asks me, clenching her teeth. She shifts, ,oving so that she's sitting on my stomach and looking down at me. She grabs my shirt and pulls me up so that I am looking her right in the eyes.

I don't think she realizes that that move has made it so that she is straddling me. I feel the heat between our bodies and the electric feel. As she glares at me, her blonde hair messy but golden, and her lips pink and pouty, I can't help but start to feel a little... _Oh no no no. Freddie, do not go there. NO. This is **Sam Puckett. **Do you have a death wish? _I tell myself, trying to fight off the emotions threatening to overwhelm me.

"Carly is overdramatic," She says, looking at me with a menacing look in her eyes. As she speaks right in my face I smell the alcohol in her mouth. "We _don't_ want her to get too worked up now do we?" Sam asked in a voice as if she was talking to a little kid.

I shook my head and she finally pushed me down and got up off of me.

"Sam, hear me out," I plead, looking at her as she settles back down at the edge of the bed, picking her bottle up and taking a long drink.

"Speak. You have sixty seconds." She says through clenched teeth, lifting the bottle back to her lips.

"Carly is your best friend. And when you... disappeared like that, what do you think happened to her? Don't you think she felt worried, sad, lonely... guilty? Maybe even stressed? Do you think stress is good for the... er, baby? Do you think her sitting around worrying about you and where you might be or when you might come back, is good for the baby? Why do you think Spencer took her to see their grandfather? Sure, it was to tell him about the baby , but it was also because he wanted to get her mind off of the disappearence of her best friend. Carly is _hurting _ right now because she misses you so much. We _all_ missed you." I say, feeling slight heat under my cheeks when I tell her we all missed her.

She is quiet for a while, obviously thinking.

"You don't know what it's like. You don't know what I'm going through," She whispers, closing her eyes as her head rests against the wall. The bottle is hanging from her hand and at that moment the only way to describe how she looks, would be _tired_. She looks exhausted. Like life has beaten her down to the core and is ready to break her in half.

For a moment, I realize that I _don't_ know what she's going through and I _don't_ know any of her problems other than the ones she comes to me about (which usually involve drinking or her being hungry and me having to pay). But, I know what it's like to have to live without a father.

"No, Sam, I don't. But I know what it's like to feel like you're going through it alone. I can't talk to my mom, about anything. And my dad... I never knew him. I don't have anyone to look up to that's blood related. Sure, Spencer and Principal Franklin, they're good help but sometimes, It isn't enough." I say quietly, looking down at the bedspread to avoid her eyes.

After a moment, I continue, "But you aren't alone. No matter what- and I think I proved that last night- you have me."

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**Sam's POV**

Freddie's a nerd. A huge one.

But something about what he said to me earlier, about having him, about him being there for me, it gave me strength.

Enough strength to go to Carly's with him and listen to everyone freak out and answer their questions. It was great to see my best friend and I missed her horribly during that week or so that I was gone. I was so happy, and I realized Freddie was right. This was worth it.

_"SAM!" She'd screamed as soon as I walked through the door. Before I knew it, Carly was running at me, pulling me into her arms into one of her signiature 'Carly' hugs. _

_"Okay Carles... I can't... breathe..." I choke out. _

_"I don't care! I feel like you've been gone so long!" She said, hugging me even tighter. I smiled and I saw Derrick and Freddie also smiling in my peripheral vision. _

_"I know. Me too... But I'm home now." I say quietly into her hair, feeling even guiltier about all of the chizz I caused. _

_"That's what matters," Carly said, equally as soft, "I missed you so much. We all did. I love you Sam. You're like my sister, and Spencer feels the same." Carly said, finally pulling away and letting me breathe. I feel heat in my cheeks and look over to see Freddie with his signiature smirk. _

_"Aaww, there ya go gettin' all mushy on me," I say to Carly, smiling at her, "Ya ya, love you too. Speaking of, where **is** Spencer?" I ask just as Spencer walks out from his room._

_"SAM!" He yells, running over. _

_"Here we go again," I fake groan, smiling as Spencer runs up and picks me up, swirling me around in the air. _

_When he finally puts me down, Derrick gives me a small, awkward hug and backs up. We all form some kind of circle and Freddie says the words that warm my heart the most. _

_"Welcome home, Puckett." _

While we were at Carly's, I found myself looking at him, watching him as he watched me. We shared looks and smiles and I felt like he was right. For once, I didn't feel so alone. I didn't feel envious of Carly when Derrick kissed her on the cheek, wiping away her tears from seeing me. I didn't feel lonely when Spencer joined the party and I saw them all stand together, Carly's hand on her stomach and Derrick's arm around her as Spencer stood behind them.

Maybe, it was like this because this time it was about me. Because this time it was me who got all the attention and me who got to see all of the friends I tried to leave behind. _I _was the one who was hugged so much, I went home feeling limp and soft.

But I know that some of my good mood that evening, came from knowing that when I'm in trouble, or when I'm lonely, or even when I'm just bored- Freddie will always be there for me.

And with Freddie and Carly by my side, I can survive.

**{This one was kinda short... Sorry about that. I want to wish you all a happy holidays (: Anyway, eight reviews please (: Oh and sorry but I forgot the Best Review Award. I figured a better reward would be just posting the next chapter ;) Heh. Make a great day- Ariel}**


	14. Carly Get's Her Way

A month passed after Sam reappeared. The month was uneventful, mostly reunions and sleepovers for Carly and Sam. Carly went to the doctor and had an ultrasound. After the month passed she was about 12 weeks (3 months). Now that there was a person growing inside of her, her mood swings were crazy and she was starting to eat like Sam.

Sam, on the other hand, was more out of it lately. _Her_ mood swings seemed more dangerous, she'd suddenly be lashing out, throwing things, screaming. It was like having two pregnant women. Except for with Sam... it was more random. Sometimes, she'd just randomly withdraw herself from all human life; locking herself inside her room, or whenever her mom left, she would lock herself inside of her house, refusing to talk to anyone or see anyone.

The first few times, everyone worried. But by the sixth time that month, which lasted for three days, everyone seemed to have gotten used to it, they decided to give her space, learning that the more of a big deal they made about it, the more frequently she would withdraw or the longer.

Suddenly, she'd become more wary of people. She began snapping more often and lashed out at Freddie frequently. Originally, Sam was not a people person but now, it was even worse.

She and Carly had spent most of that month catching up. Sam practically lived at Carly's- not like she didn't before.

Whenever Sam wasn't with Carly or locked in her house, she was with Freddie. Sometimes, when she locked herself in her house she got drunk and called him and told him to come over. That only happened a few times though. She was starting to drink by herself and Freddie was constantly worrying about that. He didn't want her to hurt herself or do something stupid or drink too much.

When they were together, she usually drank. Sometimes she didn't drink much, but that didn't happen much.

The 'incident' that happened between them when she drank the Everclear, actually did happen again. A few times during that month actually. Freddie didn't tell Sam about those though. He didn't know why he didn't tell her. He convinced himself it was because he didn't want her to hurt him, but that wasn't the real reason.

So when she attacked him those few times, he happily (not that he would admit that) went along with it. He also convinced himself he let it happen because he was a hormonal teenage boy without a girlfriend. And he couldn't help but notice that his blonde friend was gorgeous and has really soft lips and...

But he didn't like her. No, they're just friends... good friends. That's all they are and that's all they'll be. What happens in beyond the walls of her house... is nothing. Just two friends... hanging out. Like they say, 'What happens in Vegas, stays in vegas.' and what happens between Sam and Freddie, stays between Sam and Freddie.

Besides, she hates him.

And he hates her... mostly.

So that's why he greedily runs his tongue over her teeth, and happily let's his hands rest around her waist. That's why he let's himself get lost in the warm, alcohol filled world of her mouth.

It was hard though. Sometimes, he would be with Sam, but not really with her. She'd seem off or distant. A thousand miles away. He didn't like it when she was like that, the air felt empty and he felt cold. During those times, all he wanted was for her to turn around, punch him, and call him a nub.

Really, after all of this started, her punches and hits started to get worse. He actually had bruises from them. Some of them were bad. He made sure to not let his mother see though, because what she would do... He didn't even want to imagine what she would do.

He didn't know why he protected her so much, why he cared so much. The girl makes his life a living hell... sometimes; so why does he care so much?

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"Fredderooni?" Sams voice over the phone filled his ear that afternoon. He flopped over from laying on his back to laying on his stomach.

"Yea?"

"Get over here. And stop at Pig-Fil-A and get me a ham."

"What if I'm busy?

"Are you?"

"Maybe,"

"Liar. Come on. I'll let you control the TV... but only for one show."

"Gee, that sounds _so_ tempting..."

"Shut it with the sarcasm. Just get your but over here."

"Fine. But you get the small ham,"

"WHAT! How could you-"

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

"But what about my-"

"Fifteen minutes."

"Big ham..."

"Bye!" He said mockingly, hanging up before she could convince him to bring her the big ham. He didn't know why, but when he walked out of the house and got in his car to drive to her house, he actually felt excited.

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**Freddie POV**

By the time I got there, Sam was already sitting on the couch, drink in hand. The remote was on the cushion next to her, my spot, and I walked over to the couch, picked it up, and sat down in it's place. She immediately lifted her feet and turned, placing her legs in my lap. I was used to movements like this, but for some reason, everytime she did these everyday moves, my stomach started to feel weird and I would get a little lightheaded.

Okay... I'm not going to lie and say I don't know why I get these odd feelings when I'm around her. I mean, I'm not stupid. But I'm not ready to admit the truth to myself yet. So I won't.

Okay honestly, I think I l...

No no. Freddie stop while you're ahead. Remember, if **you** don't believe it, then it can't be true. Right?

"Did you bring my ham?" She asked, not taking her eyes off of the TV. I lifted the bag that was in my other hand and handed it to her. She took the bag and set her glass down. As she pulled the small ham out and frowned at it's small size, I slowly picked up her glass. I looked at it for a moment, the drink was brownish orangish.

"What is this?"

"Scotch," She said, not looking up from devouring the ham.

Hesitantly, I lifted the glass up to my lips and took a small sip. She finally looked at me for the first time since I came in.

I figured she would hit me or something but instead, she smirked and took the glass from me. Her eyes glued on mine the whole time, she lifted the glass to her lips, tilted her head back slightly, and downed the whole glass within a matter of seconds.

I shook my head, "You're gonna have a nasty hangover,"

"What hangovers _aren't _nasty?" She replied, snorting.

I didn't drink any more, but she did. Of course. Four and a half drinks later, I was on my back on the couch with her leaning over me, pressing her lips to mine.

This is how it usually is, and I easily got used to it.

**Third Person- Three days later- Shay Apartment**

"So then Carly picks up the carrot and sticks it right in the girl's face and says 'LOOK LADY! I am carrying for TWO and I want the freaking carrot!'" Sam laughed and told everyone of the drama that happened when she and Carly tried to go grocery shopping.

Carly laughed along, "Well Sam took the carrot from me and started hitting her with it! We _almost_ got the cops called! She said she'd let us go as long as we didnt come back while _she _was working. And she felt for me because I'm pregnant." By this time everyone was laughing. Sam thought she saw Derrick whisper in Carly's ear but she figured it was just 'I love you' or some other lovey dovey couple thing.

She was proven wrong when Carly spoke again after the laugher died down.

"So... Derrick and I got this idea..." She trailed off, smiling at Derrick and then winking at Spencer.

_Is everyone but me in on this?_ Sam thought, she glanced over at Freddie, who looked just as confused as she felt.

"What kind of idea?" He asked, wondering why he and Sam were the last ones to know.

"Well... Derrick's dad works at a factory and he works with this man. And this man's uncle owns a very exclusive restaurant... It takes like weeks in advance to even get put in the waiting list. It's very popular and even famous people come there often..." Carly trailed off, again, nicely avoiding the question.

"And?" Sam asked suspiciously, leaning forward in her seat.

"And my dad managed to get a table for six, put on the list for this weekend... and he gave it to me. So... we were thinking we could go on a triple date." Derrick finished, raising his eyebrow at Freddie.

"Triple date?" Freddie asked, Sam sat motionless and had a faraway look in her eyes.

"Me... Derrick... Gibby and Tasha... andyoutwo." Carly explained, rushing through the last part.

"Excuse me?" Freddie's eyes widened. He was afraid to look at the blonde next to him, he was afraid of how violent her reaction would be. "What restaurant is this anyway?"

Carly grinned, as if she already knew she was going to win this argument, "Ham Hauks. It was started by a close cousin of Nathaniel Bacon's and has been passed down throught the Bacon family for centuries.. They remolded and re advertised and now it's one of the hottest spots and it's only forty five minutes away."

Carly could see that Sam was all for it from the moment she said Ham Hauks and she was gauranteed when she said Nathaniel Bacon.

"You know," Sam said, turning to Freddie, "This might not be such a bad idea. I mean, who would let all that bacon go to waste? One bacon and ham filled date won't kill me..." She trailed off, falling into a meat filled fantasy. Everyone watched her for a moment but Carly spole again.

"So... Sam's in. What about you Freddie?" She asked in her sweetest tone, smiling widely.

"Do I really have a choice?" He asked, half jokingly.

"Nope," Carly replied, smiling again.

"So it's a date. A triple date that is," Derrick confirmed, relaxing back against the couch now that the hard part was over.

"Date?" Sam asked, somehow seeming to snap back from Ham-tasy land.

"Yes Sam," Freddie said, teasing her by speaking slowly and enunciating, "That's how you get your ham... and other meats I'm not too sure about." He shook his head, "You have to go on a date with me." He smirked at her, his eyes laughing.

"What did I get myself into..." Sam trailed off, half jokingly.

"That's okay, Princess Puckett, Look on the bright side. At least you get all the meat your heart desires, " He said, patting her shoulder.

She slapped his and away and smirked at him. "Damn right."


	15. You Weren't There

_**Okay, let's face it, there was no way I could avoid it. I've got to get a few things off of my chest.**_

_**First of all, I am incredibly sorry for the lack of update. I only have two excuses- I had to reformat my computer and lost all of my files, but I reformatted it and had it up and running a little over a month ago. Two- Honestly, I had lost my enthusiasm for this story. I didn't like the last chapter very much because the whole date thing just seems to OOC to me and it bothered me a lot but it had to be done, especially for what's happening in this chapter. I just wasn't into writing it and I hated everything I wrote. I was going through a lot at the time and my heart just wasn't into it. I apologize for the wait you all had to go through, and I will try my best to make this and the other upcoming chapters good and worth reading. **_

_**Second of all, Another reason I hadn't updated was because of lack of reviews. A week after I posted the new chapter, I had convinced myself that no one liked the chapter and that was why no one reviewed. It was my fault. And I don't NEED eight reviews, it would just make me happy. But me not completing and submitting a chapter just because not many people reviewed, well it's petty. It's petty and selfish so I have decided that regardless of the number of reviews I get, I will update as soon as possible whenever I can. And I am very sorry for pressuring you all. **_

_**Anyway I will end this incredibly long authors note and let you read the story. **_

"Carles!" Sam shouted as she walked into the Shay apartment and straight to the fridge.

She was leaning into the fridge, looking for food, when Carly came running/waddling down the stairs.

"SAM! You're here! Okay our date is in four hours and I am _nowhere_ near ready!"

"Carly, emphasis on the _four hours_." Sam said, pulling a container of spaghetti out of the fridge and setting it on the counter.

She looked over at Carly, who was holding up two dresses and looked wild. He hair was everywhere, two rollers in on one side, she was wearing a robe and slippers and her expression was frazzled.

"Whoa, Carles. Tame the beast."

"Not funny," Carly pouted, "Now help me! Which dress?"

"You're wearing a dress? We're going to a restaurant full of meat!"

"Yes but it's still at _least_ semi formal."

Sam's eyes drifted down to her own outfit, jeans and a T-shirt with a penguin on it, colorful converse shoes, and a zebra print zip-up hoodie to top it. She slowly looked up at Carly's narrowed eyes.

"You didn't." Carly hissed between her teeth, dropping the dresses to the ground.

"I sorta did..."

"SAM!"

"Sorry!"

"Close the fridge."

"I think it would be better for my health if I didn't..."

"Samantha Puckett."

"Carlotta Shay."

"_Sam_!" Carly's voice came out as more of a growl and Sam slowly shut the fridge.

"In my defense, this is _very _semi formal. In my opinion anyway."

"Sam! Ugh. Come on... Let's go find something for you to wear. And we gotta hurry because I'm riding with Derrick and Freddie is picking you up from _your_ house. It's on the way to the restaurant anyway. I can't believe you..." Carly rambled but Sam already wasn't listening. Instead, as Carly dragged her out of the kitchen, she grabbed the spaghetti and ate on the way to Carly's room.

_Here we go. _She thought as Carly continued to go on about the Rules of Etiquette and other 'date' rules she didn't care about.

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Freddie was freaking out. He had gone so far as to make two lists. One full of reasons to go through with this and good things that might happen, and the other one was full of reasons not to go through with it and bad things that might happen.

Can you guess which one is winning?

Every part of him is telling him to back out or to send someone else in his place. But there's a small part of him, in the back of his head, telling him that something interesting is bound to happen, Sam might do something that makes the whole night worth it.

But that's a one in a million chance.

He shook his head, Hannah Montana flashbacks.

_I just have a feeling that I'm going to get hurt a lot more than normal. I mean Sam, date, and Freddie, do **not** go well in the same sentence. _

He tried to erase that other small voice in the back of his head telling him to stay home. Sam was only using him. She was only in this for the insane and massive amounts of meat. Hell, she probably won't even dress up. Though, if she goes to Carly's before the date then...

Does it even matter? Her attitude will probably be worse tonight than it has been lately.

_It's like having two pregnant women around..._ He thought to himself, shaking his head as he sat back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He had about four hours until the date and that was all he could think about.

_Why am I even doing this?_ _Not like she cares or anything..._

Freddie slapped himself across the face, tired of the internal battle going on. He decided to try to get his mind off of things by taking a shower and getting dressed; He knew he would have to dress nice so he laid out a pair of black pants and a dress shirt and jacket. Carly had said it was semi formal so he decided not to wear a tie.

Freddie got up and climbed into the shower, thinking how much easier all of this would be if he knew how Sam felt about him.

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Carly was currently curling Sam's hair. Sam didn't understand why because her hair was naturally curly, but Carly said it would look better styled.

Sitting there in Carly's room being dolled up, Sam was pissed. She was tired and hungry and stressed out.

_What I'd do for a drink right now..._ She thought to herself, trying to remember exactly how many bottles she had stashed in the fire escape and other random places. If only she could break away from Carly...

But she'd come too early and she knew it. Carly was in predate mode and -especially since she's pregnant- nothing would stop her.

Sam told herself that she was being a good friend, she was doing this for Carly and she was going through with it for Carly... and the free meat...

"So..." Carly said in her 'I'm-trying-not-to-pry-but-am-failing-miserably' voice. She pushed Sam's head down a little bit so she could curl a curl.

"So... what?"

"This date tonight is pretty big..."

"Not really,"

"Yes it is, we're going to have a blast. You know, me and Derrick, Gibby and Tasha, You and Freddie..."

Sam raised her eyebrow at Carly's suspicious tone. "Sure, we'll have an okay time. Just don''t block the meat and it'll be fine."

"Don't focus fully on the meat..."

"Why are you talking like that?"

"Like what, Sam?"

"All... suspicious sounding. Like you're hinting at something."

"Ohh... I'm not hinting at _anything_..."

"Carly..."

"I bet Freddie will look nice tonight," Carly commented, Sam feeling a slight tug as Carly continued curling.

"Ha!" Sam laughed out loud, "when does Fredweird ever look nice? Besides, you're pregnant. With a boyfriend. Why are you looking at Freddie?"

"_I'm _not looking at Freddie. Just... don't _you_ think he'll look nice?"

"No, I think he'll look just a nubby as he always looks."

"Oh," Carly let the conversation drop.

"Do you like Freddie? Like, _like like_?" Carly asked suddenly, jumping back on the subject but supplying a different question.

Sam snorted, "Oh yeah, his voice is like porn for my ears. And his nubby polo shirts are such a turn on. I just want to jump his bones as soon as he walks into a room," She joked.

"Sam, I'm serious."

"Um, ew, no. Me and Freddork hate each other, remember?"

"I just me-" But Carly was interrupted by Spencer's voice coming from downstairs.

"CARLY! HAVE YOU SEEN MY BAGPIPES?" He yelled.

"NO SPENCER I HAVE NOT SEEN YOUR BAGPIPES, WHY DO YOU NEED BAGPIPES?"

Spencer appeared in her doorway. "Jeez. Kiddo, no need to yell. I have to huge bins of pudding downstairs and I was going to stick my feet in it and play the bagpipes... at the same time!" He sounded excited and a smile lit up his face.

"Why would you..." Carly started but shook her head, used to her brother's crazy antics.

Sam spoke up, "Did you say you have two _bins_ of pudding?"

"Yep,"

"What flavor?"

"Chocolate..."

Sam jumped up out of her seat, whipping the curl that was in the iron out and taking off down the stairs. Carly stood staring after her, curling iron in hand. She pouted, her plan spoiled to find out what was going on with Sam and Freddie.

She knew they had been getting closer and she wanted to find out if they had feelings for each other. That was why she had planned this date out. She thought that if she invited them to triple they would calm down on the bickering and maybe even have a few deep conversations.

She was excited to see what would happen with them on the date tonight. She couldn't wait.

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The time finally came. Everyone would meet at the Shay apartment and then split up for the drive. Carly set it up so that everyone was riding with their date.

Gibby picked Tasha up from her house and drove them both to the Shay apartment so they all could meet up before leaving. Sam and Carly had gotten ready at the Shay apartment so Freddie and Derrick met them there.

When Derrick saw Carly, he kept repeating how beautiful she looked and saying you could barely see the baby bump and it was going to be great. All of the stuff a teenage soon to be father would say to the girl he's In love with.

When Freddie saw Sam it was a different story though.

Carly had talked her into wearing a dress and it was actually a very pretty dress. It fit her body very well, tight around the bosoms and then loose flowing to the knees. It was a deep blue that brought out her eyes. The dress did all of that, while still looking semi-formal. Much like Carly's, which looked a lot like it, but a different color and a slightly different design.

Somehow, the dress looked completely different from Carly's, squeezing Sam's body in just the right places without squeezing too much. She had put on a small amount of makeup (eyeliner and lip gloss), and had pulled her hair back in her famous 'half up half down' style.

Freddie could only stare. He mentally thought back to the times he had seen Sam in a dress- unless it was for iCarly, a wedding, or that one dance, it hadn't been often. He noticed her habit of wearing blue ones, and could approve of it completely on the way it made her eyes pop and her hair seem especially blonde. His mouth popped open a little bit and his eyes were glued to Sam as she walked down the stairs with Carly.

For a moment, he wanted to slap himself. He was so stupid. Sam had _always_ been pretty, always been... well, beautiful; and here he was, gaping at her as if she had undergone a huge operation. He had never really thought of her as a _girl. _He'd always known- how could he not- that she was a female. He had just never thought to associate the word, 'Sam' with 'girl'. He felt like a huge jerk, the same way he always feels when he sees her in her dresses, for even thinking such a thing.

_Why doesn't she have a boyfriend? She's not that bad. Actually, she's pretty cool. _He continued to gape and ponder.

She could feel him staring. For the first few minutes, she ignored it, telling herself that he was just staring at Carly, who was standing right next to her. But when Carly walked over and sat on the couch with Derrick to make sure everything was ready, his eyes never left her. She started to feel uncomfortable.

_Why is the nerd staring at me? I mean, I know Mama looks good... and he doesn't look that bad himself. Smart of him to leave the tie out... and his chest looks pretty firm from here... But that doesn't matter. He's still staring at me like one of those creepy paintings in galleries. _

She quietly walked over to him while Gibby, Tasha, Carly, and Derrick went over the plans. He watched her approach and his eyes widened as she got closer.

"Don't get your antibacterial panties in a wad, Dorkazoid, all you have to do is score Mama a barrel of meat and I won't kill you. Nothing to worry about- it's not like it means anything." She said quietly, smirking and watching the look on his face change. His eyes flickered an emotion so fast she wasn't sure she saw it, and then he was smirking back.

"I stopped wearing-"

"_antibacterial underwear a __**long**__ time ago," _Sam mimicked, punching him in the shoulder.

"I'm flattered, Sammy, you've hung out with me so much you're starting to talk like me." He teased.

"Don't sound so happy Benson, I'll be sure to make this night enough torture for you." She gave him an evil smiled and then turned in the direction of the group- who were standing now.

"Besides. Why would a girl like me hang out with a nerd like you?" She said without turning around. Then she was gone, walking toward Carly like the conversation had never happened.

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.

He should have known that her riding with him meant that she could dip into her alcohol supply and started drinking as soon as Carly was out of sight. Once again, he felt the urge to slap himself for being so stupid. When was she _not_ drinking? He had a vague feeling that she had drank before she went to Carly's that day because she was way too mellow – compared to her now usual pissed off facade- to be sober.

He didn't say anything when she pulled the bottle out of a bag she had taken from his trunk. He didn't say not one word- knowing that her violent mood could come back if he did. He watched her from the corner of his eye, slightly thankful that she wasn't driving or anything, and watched her take the top off and take a long swig before setting it back down by her feet. She also didn't speak, instead began staring out the window, watching houses and cars pass by. It was a long ride and twenty minutes went by before she finally broke the silence. She had taken a few drinks so he was pretty sure she had reached that blissful drunkenness that she craved.

"Why weren't you there?" She slurs, already being affected by the numb drunkenness.

"Why wasn't I where?"

"There. That night. At the party."

He thought knew what she was talking about now, "Which party?"

"The one where we started drinking."

"Don't you mean the one where _you_ started drinking?"

She's silent. He sighs, looking at the car in front of him, "What do you mean why wasn't I there? We went to the party _together_."

"I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about when _it_ happened."

"What it?"

"When that dude- when he... you know,"

His hands tightened on the steering wheel and his heart started racing. His eyebrows knitted together and he could feel his body start to shake, "_What dude?" _He hissed.

"He said his name was M-Martiiiiiiin."

"Martin?" She nodded, her head drooping to the side, awfully close to him. He could feel the heat radiating off of her body and when he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye he could see the way the dress hugged her body but exposed quite a bit... chest. He was overcome with sudden attraction but pushed it away, telling himself It was just teenage hormones. He pulled himself back to reality and instantly became angry again. "What did _Martin_ do to you, Sam?"

She looked up at him as he drove, he could see her doing so while glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. He pulled up to a red light and looked over at her. Their eyes met and he could see how glazed over and far away hers were, the alcohol taking affect nicely. For a split second, he thought he could see pain flash through her eyes but then she laughed and the alcohol took over again. "He taught me a lesson."

Freddie's eyes widened, his body was definitely shaking by now, "_What kind of lesson?"_

She laughed again, "You look funny when your eyebrows come together like that. Like an old guy."

"Sam! What _lesson_ did he teach you?"

"Calm down Fredbag! You need to let loose a little bit. Loosey goosey, chicken moosey." She laughed again, and he grew angrier. A car honked behind him and he realized that the light was now red and people were moving out of his lane and driving around him.

He drove off, receiving the bird from a few cars that drove around him, all while trying to contemplate what Sam had told him. _Had she been raped? _Possible. _Had she been hurt? _Possible. _But something like that wouldn't happen to __**Sam**__, I mean she's __**Sam. **__She's always been able to take care of herself. Though, when she came back during the party for her second drink she did look a little... off. Blank off, like she was trying to push back some kind of emotion. _

_Why didn't I say something, then? Why didn't I ask her if something was wrong? _

_Why did I let her get that second drink?_

_Why am I letting her drink right now? Why am I always letting her drink? _

He didn't want to admit that maybe the reason he put up with all of it was because... well, he had wanted her to be happy. And when she was drunk, she liked him more. She treated him better. She treated him special, like maybe she might... like like him. And he definitely wouldn't admit that he actually liked it. He _liked_ when she got all up on him and bit his neck and kissed all over him.

But he did **not** like her. Not in that way at least. He's just a hormonal teenage boy, right? These feelings, this risking her life for his own pleasures thing, was normal.

And he did not like her like that.

Besides, she was drunk. She's always drunk when it happens. So it must not be the _real_ her.

Then again, there is that saying that a drunk (wo)man tells no lies. Or something like that.

But he didn't know for sure. Ever since the whole thing began he had been so damned confused. That's how he was always feeling. Like maybe, the way she runs her hands over his chest when she's intoxicated, maybe it could mean something more. But, then again, this **is** Sam; and it could mean anything.

He cursed her for being so confused. For making him feel this way. And for trying to pull him from his thinking by blabbering on about random crap he didn't really care about.

"And you know pigs can flyyyyyyyyyyyyy now..." She went on. He rolled his eyes and concentrated on the road, and his thinking.

Back to the situation. Who is this Martin guy? And what the _hell _did he do to her? Why were guys always such douches to her? First Ryan, and now Martin? Or maybe it should be first Martin and then Ryan. Anyway, why is it always _her_? She may be mean, but she doesn't deserve it. She's always being hurt by some ass, and Freddie was started to get a little pissed off by it. The only guys she seemed to find were complete jerks. She needs a good guy, not a bad guy... _A guy like me-... me cousin..._ _Yeah, that made no sense even in my head. _

"Sam, what did Martin do to you?" He asked sternly, glancing over at her for a moment before focusing back on the road.

She laughed, "Chill ouuuttt, Freddooooooo. You just gotta chill, dude." She leaned over onto his shoulder and he furrowed his brow. Her head was starting to slide down his chest and soon enough, it was in his lap. _Why is her head in my lap? This is a driving hazard! And why isn't she moving! "_You just gotta chilllll," She mumbled from his lap and his insides started to feel jumpy.

_No no... What is she doing? Is she trying to sleep on my lap? In the car? This needs to stop. _

"Sam," He took his eyes off of the road for a moment to look down at her blonde curls spilling into his lap. She turned her head to the side and looked up at him, her blue eyes fuzzy and bright. Their eyes met and for the briefest moment, he forgot where he was and what he was doing. She slowly sat up, not breaking eye contact with him, and sat back in her seat.

He reluctnantly returned his gaze back to the road, only to see the pole he was flying toward.

"_SAM!" _He screamed leaning over and wrapping his arms around her as he lost full control of the car.

The last thing he remembers was a huge _Crash!_ And her screams, before there was pain everywhere and his limbs were burning. He vaguely noticed that he was leaned over into the passenger side of the car, with his arms around Sam. He couldn't feel anything. He looked down to see her blond curls and hoped that they had both made it.

Before he had time to check and see if she was okay, everything went black.

**I hope my car crash scene was descriptive and good enough for you all. Please review, they inspire me. Hate it or love it? Tell me. And feel free to offer ideas or opinions. **

**You all don't know how happy I am that this is finished. I've been feeling horrible lately because of my lack of update. **

**Thank you all so much for sticking with me through this. I hope you like it. **

**-Ariel. **


	16. Promises and Apologies

He woke up to painfully bright lights. He could hear beeping, and voices, and footsteps. He knew exactly where he was. The last time he was here, though, he had saved someone's life. This time, he can't even remember what happened.

He slowly opens his eyes to the sight of his mother with her face directly in his.

"FREDDIEBEAR!" She yelled, her face lighting up with happiness and worry. She squeezed his hand, he didn't even know she was holding it.

He wondered what exactly had happened to him, he was finally coming to. Everything wasn't as blurry and his memory was coming back. He didn't feel much pain, not like last time. The pain now was mostly in his arm, a little bit in his back but he couldn't really feel much anyway. He ignored his mother, who was jabbering on about things he surely didn't care about.

"Mom, what happened?" He interrupted.

She gazed down at him, a weird look came upon her face, "You were in a car wreck." She said bluntly, he chipper tone suddenly sounding empty and faraway. She looked past him and at the machine he was hooked to.

Memories flooded back to him. He remembered it all; the pole coming closer and closer, the soft blonde hair he buried his face in, the sound of the drunken girl it belonged to asking him what he was doing. Everything after that was black and painful.

Sam.

What happened to her? Is she hurt? Is she...

She can't be. But if she's not, she'll be in a lot of trouble. She was _drunk_ at the time of the wreck. She was underage and drunk, and the bottle was sitting right beside her legs. They would check her system and they would know for sure. She was screwed.

They probably checked him, most likely, to make sure that he wasn't also intoxicated. He didn't think he'd be in much trouble, he didn't do anything wrong, other than get distracted...

He hoped she was okay. His mother was back to chattering and he was back to ignoring her, too lost in his own thoughts to care. He wondered what condition she was in. He wondered if she was badly hurt and if she blamed him.

She probably does. He wanted to tell her he was sorry. He wanted to apologize for not taking care of her. He wanted to beg forgiveness for breaking the promise he had made to her so long ago.

_It was one of those nights. One of those dark, cool nights. Where all of the stars are beautiful and bright, and the moon is sitting right in the middle of it. It was warm enough to not need a jacket and It was warm enough to not be hot and sweaty. It was dark outside, right after sunset. Quiet, mostly, cars and life could be faintly heard below. _

_Carly had went with her brother to an interview at an art museum. It was one of those nights where they would hang out without Carly. It was back in the first month of her... hobby. She didn't drink much then. Only a few gulps when they were alone. _

_They sat on the fire escape, the one place they both loved to be in, even with each other. This was only maybe the third or fourth time he had watch her while she drank. They both sat and stared out at the sky, listening to his pear pod playing lightly in the background. _

_She hadn't opened the bottle yet. Instead, it dangled from her fingertips, barely touching the ground as she sat forward, toward him, watching. He looked at it out of the corner of his eye and wondered idly why she did it. Why did she continue to drink? And why is she so different now?_

_The song changed. It was something by 3Oh!3 he knew because she had a thing for them and had put quite a few of their songs on his pear pod. She started humming along to it and sat back, sitting the bottle on the ground beside her chair. She closed her eyes and he turned around and looked at her. _

_He felt something in his stomach while he was watching her, humming along to the tune of the song he had never heard before. It was one of their slower hits. The soft wind blew her hair into her face and he longed to push it back. The feeling in his stomach grew when she began to softly sing the lyrics. He had only heard her sing along like this a few times, only on nights like this. _

_And I know what you're thinking_

_But I won't stop this drinking_

_It's the least I can do_

_Cuz this life, is anything but certain_

_When you close the final curtain_

_You get a glimpse of the truth_

_He watched her lips move along with the song. Listened to her sing along. It was only on nights like these that she was like this. Any other night, she would be her usual obnoxious self. But he knew why these nights were different. The air felt different, everything felt different. He felt it in the pit of his stomach and he knew she did too. He felt like even talking too loud would make the sincere quiet go away. _

"_What are you looking at, nub?" Her voice quietly interrupted his thoughts. She opened one eye and peered at him. _

"_You, Puckett."_

_She leaned forward and picked the bottle up, looking at it and holding it in her hands. She concentrated on it for a moment and he almost thought the conversation was over, until she looked back up at him. _

"_Promise me something." She said, turning the bottle around and around in her hands. _

"_And what would that be?"_

_She took a deep breath and looked him directly in the eye, "Promise me, that when I'm like this. When I feel this way, you'll take care of me. And I don't mean in the 'make sure I don't kill myself' way, I mean care **for** me. Make sure I'm okay, you know?"_

_He was quiet for a moment, wondering where that came from. But they both knew that he would make the promise. The promise had been made the second she had asked him to make it. "I promise." _

"_I know you think I drink for no reason. But if you knew..." She trailed off, seemingly losing her train of thought. Or maybe she was trying to find a way to say it, "If you knew, you'd understand."_

"_I already understand, this is something you feel like you have to do. And I've known you long enough to know that when you have to do something, no one should get in your way. I'm here for you though, and I promise. I won't let anything happen to you, I won't let anyone hurt you."_

"_No ones going to hurt me," She said quickly. _

"_I know."_

"_Pinky promise?" She asked, holding her pinky out. _

"_Pinky promise," He wrapped his pinky around hers. _

_They were both quiet for a moment, and then she opened the bottle and took a swig. _

He had promised her. He had forgotten about that promise after a while, but now he remembered. He had always questioned why he did what he did for her, why he babysat her while she drank, but now he remembered that it was because he had promised her he would take care of her.

"_No one's going to hurt me," _At the time, he thought she;d meant because she was her. But now, after hearing about this Martin kid, He's not so sure.

Suddenly, he had an urge to be with her. To see her, make sure she's okay and apologize. He wanted to be with her, or around her more than anything.

"Where's Sam?" He asked his mother, interrupting her chattering again. She paused, getting a look in her eye again.

"She's down the hall. She's hurt worse than you are."

"I want to see her,"

She gave him a sympathetic look, "Sweetie, I'm afraid that's not really possible right now. You can't get up. You have a broken arm and a lot of cuts and bruises, and a large scar on your chest. You actually got out of it very lucky. The other side of the car crashed into the pole."

Sam. That's why she's hurt worse than he is. The car hit her side of the car.

"I have to see her."

"Fredd-"

"I feel fine. Like you said, I'm lucky. Please. _Please_ mom. I _have _to see her." He pleaded, giving her the saddest face he could muster.

She looked torn for a moment, but that face had always done wonders on her, "I'll talk to the doctor and see what I can do. Maybe after they fix your arm up a little bit."

He let it go for now. At least he got hope.

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It was a few days before he got to see her. The doctor said he had to heal a bit first.

Carly and Spencer and Gibby and Wendy visited him a lot. They had all seen Sam and they had given him an update on her condition. She had a broken leg, a very very scratched up leg from where the bottle had cut into her skin, a lot of scratches and bruises, and a broken arm. He asked if there were any brain problems but they said there weren't any at all, that her head had been protected.

Carly had found out about Sam's addiction, and she wasn't waking it very well. Freddie told her not to dwell on it too much because stress would hurt the baby. Carly really shouldn't be dealing with any of this, it was too much.

He was constantly reminding her that, but he knew she was still hurt her best friends had kept another secret from her. He hoped he could hold off the downfall until after he was out of the hospital and back in Bushwell plaza.

Carly told her that Sam was awake but she didn't talk much. She said she had talked to Sam and they had had a heart to heart and had covered the friendship wounds with band aids until a better time when both of them could breathe. She said that the heart to heart was pretty much just Sam apologizing and refusing to talk about any of it. Carly said that she wasn't going to pressure her. Neither of them were ready for it anyway. She said maybe they could all talk about it together sometime.

He asked Carly if Sam was mad at him. She said that Sam refused to talk about him too. He had sighed and tried harder to will his body to be ready to go down the hall.

Finally, on the third day, the doctor came in to talk to him. He had had everyone else leave so that he could talk to Freddie privately.

"Hello Fredward." Dr. Martin, an older man with grayish hair, greeted him.

"Hi, I prefer Freddie,"

"Freddie, you're healing quite well."

"I feel good."

"Well, that's good. I hear you want to go down the hall to see the young girl who was in the car with you?"

Freddie nodded.

"Is she your girlfriend?"

"Y-No." He corrected himself, blushing slightly, glad that she wasn't there to hear that.

The doctor gave him a knowing smile, "Well, the people that pulled you both from the car say that you had your arm around her and you were using your body to protect her head."

Freddie titled his head to the side. _He _was the one that protected her head? "I guess I was. I just didn't want her to get hurt. We're really close friends, I had to protect her."

"I see. That was a very brave thing to do. By protecting her head, you put your own body and head in danger, you were _almost_ hit by the airbag. You must care about her a lot. I'm sure she's grateful."

"Yeah..."

"Anyway, I suppose you can go down there. She is awake. I'll have a nurse wheel you down there in a wheelchair. Extra precautions."

"Thank you," Freddie thanked him, already excited. He said goodbye to the doctor and the nurse came in to take him down the hall. She said that his mom and his friends had all went to the cafeteria to give them a little privacy. He had his pear pod with him, in the small pocket of his hospital gown. He knew Sam would want to listen to music because she probably hadn't heard much lately.

She wheeled him into Sam's room and then quickly left.

At first, he didn't see her over the bed, he was too far away and the wheelchair was too short. But then he saw the blonde curls falling over the pillow and off of the bed. He wheeled himself closer to her bed and saw her watching him. He wheeled himself right up to her face so that they could look at each other. Her leg was propped up and she was connected to multiple machine. She looked kind of weak. Her skin was drained and pale and so was her usually vivid hair. Her eyes weren't as bright as they usually are as she stared up at him.

Neither of them said a word. He knew he would have to break the silence but he couldn't think of what to say. All of the apologies and words he had thought up while he sat in his hospital bed for the past three days, flew right out of his mind. He was about to just say he was sorry, but before he could, she spoke.

"Thank you." She said softly, giving him a small smile.

He was taken aback. She wasn't mad? He had... he had broken his promise. She was hurt...

"For what? I thought you were mad. I mean, I didn't do a good job of protecting you-"

She cut him off, "What are you talking about, nub? You _saved my life_. If I had been sitting straight up, and if you hadn't pulled me over and protected my head... I would've been much worse, I could've _died_. But _you_ protected me. Just like you promised you would. You risked your life for me. I owe you big time."

"Really?"

"Dude, really."

"Wow, well I guess you're welcome. So... what happened?"

She shrugged "I have probation and I have to go to AA. If I don't I go straight to juvie. I still have to go to court but the police officers told me that was the thing that would most likely happen. I don't get why I have to go to AA. I don't belong there. I'm not an alcoholic. Besides, all teens drink every once in a while but none of them are getting sent to AA." She said, sounding annoyed.

He had an urge to tell her she was wrong. She was an alcoholic. She drank much more than everyone else, on a daily basis. But he bit his tongue, he knew he would have to be careful and wait for her to realize.

So instead he said, "That sucks. I'm sorry about this whole thing. I should have been paying more attention to the road-"

"None of this is your fault Freddly. We both know how I get when I'm wasted so I'm sure the only reason you _weren't_ paying attention was because _I_ was distracting you and you were trying to control _me_. If anyone should take the blame, it should be me."

He shook his head, "This was not your fault. You weren't even driving. How about we make a deal, this wasn't any body's fault, okay?"

She shrugged, "I guess."

"So... doesn't the hospital food suck?" He asked, changing the subject to something more comfortable, more them. She happily accepted the change and they went back to their normal routine -talking, bickering and teasing- easily.

That was just how they were, they were Sam and Freddie, and no matter what the situation was, if they had each other, they would find a way to fix everything else.


	17. Flashbacks and Memories

**Hey you all, just a heads up, ****AgoraXLocoXPhobic, ****gave me this idea- Thank you!**

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Sam had to stay longer than Freddie did. She had more injuries. Though, further research showed that Freddie had a few fractured ribs so he still had to stay in the hospital for about a week.

Since he wasn't staying long and her mother didn't want to pay a lot for the hospital bed, the doctor put them both in a room together.

In a way, Freddie was happy to share a room with her; but he knew there would be downsides. Especially because she was four days sober and pissed off about it.

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Freddie liked constant things-straight A's, permanent friends, organization, planning, schedules. He never realized that Sam, would always be the most constant thing in his life. She didn't count for the permanent friends, because they didn't have to be friends for her to be in his life. She was just _there_, all the time.

Her problems became his. Her accidents became his mistakes.

She can feel herself breaking. She can feel herself falling apart. She aches for a drink. Some kind of high to pull her out of this all time low.

Her body hurts. It's aching from the accident, and she's tired of it. She tries sleeping all day, but it just isn't working out. The hospital is too loud, it makes her too anxious. She feels like she'll go to sleep and wake up to creepy doctor's faces like she did the first time.

Once again, she aches for a drink. If she had alcohol, it would make her feel better. It would let her sleep, and sleep peacefully. It would take away the uneasy anxiety she's been feeling from the moment she woke up here.

But most of all, it would take away the dull throbbing in the back of her head. And the small voices in her mind threatening to bring back the memories she had so cleverly avoided with the alcohol. She doesn't want to remember. Not when she went through so much just to forget.

The doctors are stupid, she decides. They don't understand. They just don't understand. She _needs_ the numbness. She _needs_ the flying, happy feeling the alcohol gives her. They don't get that she just can't let herself live like this: sober and miserable. They don't get it. And they don't care about her.

"Sam, we're just thinking about you,"

"You couldn't keep living the way you were, Sam"

"Our only goal right now is to make _you_ better."

They're wrong. And she tells them that anytime one of them says something like that. She _could_ continue living the way she was and she damned well was going to. Don't they realize that the alcohol and the loose feeling it gives her, _is_ making her better? With the alcohol, the memories and the pain, they don't affect her anymore. And that's what she's been looking for from the very beginning.

Now, it feels like everything she had been avoiding, everything that hurt the most, was getting back at her. Coming for her twice as hard. And she can't take it.

The memories, they try, try as hard as she imagines they could, to penetrate the shield she'd built around her mind. They're shooting bullets, bringing out the big guns, trying to get to her while she weak.

Like the last time she had been in a hospital. The time she _really_ didn't want to remember.

Her mom hasn't come and see her yet so she won't _have_ to remember unless she does.

She's actually a little personally offended that her mother still hadn't shown. She'd been there for three days already, and from what she heard, Ms. Benson never leaves.

Why didn't her mother care like that? _She_ had come the last time, when the positions were switched and her mother was the one lying in the hospital bed. _She_ had come and Melanie hadn't. _Melanie_ had to stay at her fancy boarding school and instead called and chatted everyone's ears off for three hours straight.

And even though she hadn't shown up in person, (and Sam had) her mother still said that _Melanie_ had been her 'rock' at the time.

Well 'Melanie the Rock' didn't have to listen to the doctors say that her mother had barely made it. 'Melanie the Perfect Little Rock' didn't have to serve her mother like she was the Queen, for weeks. 'Melanie the Rock' wasn't even there, and somehow she had taken the spotlight from Sam, again.

But Sam doesn't want to think about that right now. She doesn't want to remember right now. So she won't.

That would be so much easier if she had a drink.

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Freddie only has another week at the hospital. She has longer. He had only broken one arm and cracked a few ribs. There's a scar on his chest and a bunch of scratches and bruises, but other than that he got it good.

One of her legs was broken and the other one was sprained. Her hipbone was severely injured also and there were deep gashes in her back and her legs. Everything above her neck was mostly fine, thanks to Freddie.

For his last week, it was arranged for he and Sam to just share a room together. Sam's mom still hadn't showed and hadn't put down enough for her room. Spencer and Ms. Benson had asked the doctor if Sam could move into Freddie's room. They said they would handle the expenses if her mom didn't show up.

She had never felt so lucky before. Her own mother hadn't shown up, so Spencer- the brother she never had-, and Ms. Benson- the woman who's son's life she had endangered-, were going to take care of her.

She told the doctors to find a way to charge her mother. She deserved it. She told them even if they had to go to her house and hand her a bill, she didn't care, her mother was going to pay for it, not Spencer and Ms. Benson.

It was the least she could do.

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Sam's move into Freddie's room happened quickly. He had a large room, thanks to his mother, and there was plenty of room for her bed. Soon enough, they were roommates.

He made things easier for her. He only talked when she needed him to and when she wanted her quiet, he gave it to her.

She didn't feel quite so anxious, rooming with him, she figured it was just because she wasn't alone. Human presence had lifted that uncomfortable air from the too bright room. She didn't feel so alone.

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"Sam?" Freddie asked her the night after she moved to his room.

"Nub?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Does that count as something?"

He sighed, "No."

"... I guess..."

"Who's Martin?"

Her heart dropped. _No! Oh please no! Don't make me remember!_

_**She just wanted to party. She just wanted to have a good time, a break from school. **_

_Please! I need a drink..._

"_**Hey I lost my number, can I have yours?" A deep voice asked from behind her. She gripped her drink and turned around to see a light haired college boy grinning down at her confidently. **_

"_**No, but while you're looking for it why don't you find a new pick up line to go with it," She teased, feeling light hearted and happy. The one drink she had had, had given her mind a buzz and made her feel calm and happy. **_

"_**Can't blame a guy for trying."**_

She snapped her eyes shut and gritted her teeth, sinking as far into the sheets as her body would allow her. She could faintly hear a voice calling her name but right now, the memories were too strong.

_**She remembers the way his hands snaked down her arm, sending awkward chills down her spine. Everything inside of her told her to run but her feet wouldn't move. Besides, maybe he would be a cool guy. **_

"_**I'm Martin."**_

"_**Sam." She said pointing to herself and studying his friendly demeanor. He seemed nice enough. **_

_How could I be so naive? _She thought, feeling her body shaking.

_**She remembers him steadying her drink when she almost dropped in from the chill he gave her. He had steadied the drink in her hand and then used his other hand to wrap around her other hand. He leaned down and whispered in her ear, **_

"_**Why don't we go somewhere quiet and get to know each other?"**_

_**Her body was loose and wobbly. She was tipsy and unaware. Everything in that sentence should have told her to run, should've have made her body go on autopilot and run back to Carly and Freddie. **_

_**But her mind was numb and so were her senses. She felt him tugging her wrist in the direction of the stairs. She wasn't walking, she was floating along with him, everything was a little blurry, there were a lot of stairs and then she was being pulled into a dark bedroom. **_

"_**It's dark, where are the lights?" She heard herself ask, not really understanding how the words came from her mouth when she felt so numb and unmoving. It was like she was floating away from the scene, watching. An out of body experience. She was floating, near the ceiling, watching the gorgeous boy creep toward her young, intoxicated body. **_

"_**Shh... We don't need lights." He whispered, slowly inching even closer to her. **_

_**Sam gave him a look but was too worn out to argue. She felt around the room, walking forward until she found a bed. She plopped down, looking around and letting her eyes get used to the darkness. Pretty soon, her eyes were adjusted and she could see the boy sitting next to her on the bed. He smiles at her and she grimaces.  
**_

_**She can feel his body next to hers, she can feel him... staring at her. **_

She should have left right then, she shivers at the memory of his icy gray eyes.

_**His hand is moving up and down her thigh, back and forth back and forth. It feels weird and it reminds her of a lullaby and she feels like she wants to fall asleep. Her vision blurs and she yearns to shut her eyes and dream. **_

_**After a few minutes, his hand starts inching up, toward her stomach. She slowly raises her hand and pushes his hand away. **_

"_**Shh..." He coos again, putting his hand back on her stomach. Once again, she swats it away. He starts to get annoyed, she can tell. She scoots back, toward the middle of the bed and lets her feet hang over the edge. Trying to put a bit of distance between them. **_

_**But he doesn't take the hint. **_

_**He stands up and faces her, and then gets on the bed and puts one leg on either side of her, resting on her... waist. She feels uncomfortable and she glares at him, or she thinks she does. He leans over and runs his hands over her stomach again. **_

"_**Stop." She demands, swatting his hands away again. **_

"_**Shh... don't be a bitch, Sandra"**_

_He didn't even know my name..._ Sam thinks as she remembers.

"_**Stop!" She exclaims louder, attempting to push him off of her. He pushes her back down and she hits her head on the headboard. He pins her hands down and she looks at him in fright. She's frozen. So frozen she can't even bring herself to scream, she just stares at him with wide eyes as he twists her arms and holds them both in one of his large ones. He takes the other hand and places it back on her side, rubbing back and forth. He moves so that his knees are on her legs, causing immense pain and pinning her down. **_

_**She tries to move her hands, tries to hit him or get her hands back but he's stronger than her, and the alcohol made her weak. **_

_**She finds her voice and tries again to reason with him. **_

"_**Stop it. Stop it Martin, stop. Leave me alone. Get off of me. No!" She repeats like a mantra as his hand inches up her stomach and stops just beneath her breast. She whimpers as he begins massaging her breast and she tries even harder to move her hands, but that just caused him to squeeze it harder. **_

_**She tries to move her legs but that just makes the bones in his knees dig deeper into her leg and she feels as if her legs might snap from the weight. **_

_**She screams, loud and angry. Tries to scream as loud as she could but the alcohol may have numbed the affect. He hastily presses his lips against hers and tries to shut her up. His mouth is too wet and disgusting and it tastes like doritos mixed with alcohol. She begins to feel nauseous and hopes that maybe she can throw up on him and make him go away. **_

_**As he forces his tongue into her mouth, he starts massaging her breasts hard, pressing down in an unpleasant way.**_

_**She screams into his mouth. A bloodcurdling scream that exhausts her and is definitely loud enough for someone to hear. It makes her throat and her head hurt and makes him jump back. **_

_**Someone bangs on the door and she realizes that it was locked as they jiggle the knob. **_

_**A dark look crosses Martin's face and he jumps off of Sam. **_

"_**Who's in there!" A voice yelled from the other side of the door, "Are you okay?"**_

_**Sam's eyes are wide as she watched Martin hastily throw the window open and disappear outside. She's a little disappointed that they're only on the second floor and his fall won't be bad. **_

_**She sits there, huddled up with her knees pulled up to her chin and her body shaking, staring at the window where he disappeared. **_

_**She feels dirty, she feels violated. She can still feel his hands on her, roaming over her body. She shivers worse. **_

_**She can faintly hear the voice on the other side of the door yelling, but she blocked it all out. **_

_**Suddenly, the door is broken down and she can faintly see a face, but she doesn't care. The person who broke the door down, a dude with a fro and broad shoulders, it questioning her, asking if she's okay and asking what happened, but she ignores him. **_

_**Instead, she struggles to her feet and makes her way toward him and the door, "Thank you," She says quietly before walking past him, in a dreamlike pace, and making her way downstairs. **_

_**The people she pushes through don't seem to be there. She can't see anyone. All she can think about is the 'friendly face' that made her feel dirty and used. She pushes through the crowd and heads to the kitchen, making a beeline for the alcohol and cups sitting on the counter. **_

_**She doesn't think as she pours herself a cup and gulps it down. **_

_**And she doesn't care how wasted she is when the night finally ends and Freddie and Carly are ready to leave. **_

Sam comes back to life, trembling and gasping for air. Tears are trickling down her face as she slowly adjusts back to reality. She can hear someone saying her name and she slowly turns her face to see Freddie looking at her from his hospital bed with a very worried and concerned look.

"Sam? Sam what's wrong?" He asks frantically, slowly getting out of his bed and making his way over to the chair sitting by Sam's bed. He gently takes her hand and begins rubbing circles in her palm with his good hand. She leans forward, the tears still coming but not as bad as they could be. She sniffles and squeezes his hand back, happy that she hadn't broken down completely in front of him.

"I'm so sorry Sam," Freddie repeats soothingly, "I shouldn't have asked. I am so sorry..."

"N-no. F-Freddie..." She attempts to calm herself down. Once she feels stable she speaks again, "It's fine. I'm fine. I just... I don't- I don't want to think about him..."

He quickly nods his head, still rubbing encouraging circles in her hand, "Okay, I'm sorry I brought him up. But can you just answer one question about him, please?"

She hesitates, but he nods his head and continues to rub and she gives in, "I guess..."

He looks her directly in the eye, "Sam, did he rape you?"

His face flashes back in her mind, the cold, uncaring look in his eyes as he jumped off of her and ran to the window. She winces, but looks him directly in the eye, giving his hand a small squeeze.

"No, Freddie, He did not rape me."


	18. You're irresponsible too

Sam Puckett was complicated. That was a lesson Freddie had learned all to well throughout the years, a fact that had been justified during the past few months.

Sometimes there would be moments where he thought her knew her, thought he had her figured out, but he was always wrong. Right when he thought he understood her, she would always surprise him.

And when he found out about Martin, he couldn't help but try to look at things from Sam's point of view. Though it was hard because she wouldn't tell him what happened and he was too afraid to bring it up again.

He had noticed something about Sam, she's very strong. Strong in the 'I've been through a lot but I still hold my head up high and pretend I'm better than you all' way. But she wasn't normal, she wasn't full. She was half a person. The other half of her was eaten away by all of the crap she'd gone through: Her dad leaving, her mother's terrible coping, both of her parents being drunks, her sister abandoning her, death, guys being jerks to her, a perfect best friend- Freddie saw that she had to deal with that, and much more that she probably hadn't told him yet.

She carried her secrets around like gold. She cradled them close to her heart where only she could know and only she could deal. She bottled up emotions like fireflies and began coping with drinking.

And now that he thought about it, he really couldn't blame her. He's not as strong as she is, not in the least bit, and he would most definitely cave under the pressure or fall apart. He wouldn't be able to... deal if he went through what she did. He wouldn't be able to keep it all a secret and pretend everything is fine. That's just not him.

They were two completely opposite people, drawn together merely by having the same friends. When they first met, they didn't have to become friends and they didn't have to hang out together or hang out at the same time. They chose to do those things. They chose to put up with and befriend each other. They were two completely opposite people, who need each other more than they ever thought they would.

Since they're so close and they connect to each other in ways Carly can't imagine, he should know more about her than he does. He should know all about her past and her future and her dreams. All the time they spend together, hell he should know her whole life story.

But he doesn't. And he probably won't any time soon. Because she's Sam, and she'll only tell you something if she feels you need to know.

But there are things that he knows, things that he noticed or things that she let slip, that no one else would. Like that cute, scrunched up look she gets on her face when she concentrates hard. The way she blinks a lot when she's confused, and the way she tilts her head to the side while she taunts him. There were a lot of little things he had noticed about her, things he wouldn't even notice about himself.

But that didn't mean he liked her. He was just a very observant person.

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"Well, that's all of my stuff..." Freddie trailed off. He was standing by Sam's bed the day he got to check out of the hospital.

She looked at him and bit her lip. She tried to push back the sad twinge in her stomach.

"Yeah it is."

"I guess I'll.. see you..."

"Spit it out dorkface," She smirked, knowing all too well that he was stalling because he had something to tell her.

He smiled a bit at her face reading, and then hesitated before speaking, "I wanted to ask you something..." He trailed off and his eyes flashed to her face worriedly.

_Oh hell no... Is he going to... to ask me on a... No!_ She denied, _He wouldn't. He doesn't even like me that way... Besides, I just got him in a car wreck! Why the heck would he want to date me!_

She looked up at him cautiously and nodded her head, indicating for him to go on.

"I just-" And then he paused mid sentence and looked at her. He seemed to change his mind about something briefly and then began speaking again.

"Umm... when is your first... ahem, meeting?" He asked nervously. Truthfully, no one had really talked about her future AA meetings _or_ her drinking. They barely ever had talked about the accident but Sam figured that was just because no one wanted her to feel bad.

"Two days after I'm released from here. Why?" She inquired, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Oh," He scratched the back of his head, "I don't know. Just... wanted to know I guess. How are you feeling?" He blurted suddenly, looking at her intensely. She hesitated. There was something about that look he was giving her that told her that he wanted more than a 'fine' or an 'okay'. He truly, sincerely, wanted to know how she was feeling.

"I'm fine, Fredwardo. Now get outta here. Enjoy your freedom!" She ordered, turning away pretending to start texting on her phone. She heard him sigh.

"Fine, I'll come see you tomorrow." He said and then quickly walked out of the door before she could protest. She smirked to herself and set her phone down, flipping the TV on and seeing there's a new episode of Girly Cow on.

After a few moments of watching TV, she hears someone knock on her hospital door and then open it. She looked up to see Carly smiling at her, small belly and all.

"Sup Carles." Sam nodded, giving a small smile back.

"Hey Sam, can we talk?" Carly asks abruptly, getting right to the point.

_Crap. I hate talking, and I have a strong feeling that I won't like whatever it is she wants to talk about..._

Sam hesitated before nodding, "Yeah, of course." She says and Carly walks over to the TV and turns it off, making sure the door was closed before grabbing a chair and sitting it next to Sam's bed.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Sam asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Sam, what happened? That night of the accident." Carly stared her down, waiting for her answer.

Sam's shoulders dropped and she averted her eyes. _I need a drink... this would be so much easier if I were loopy and peaceful..._

"I..." She trailed off, biting her lip and closing her eyes, hoping that when she opened them she would be anywhere but here.

"Sam." Carly reminded sternly.

"You know how I am," She started, keeping her eyes closed and imagining she was talking to a tree. Trees don't react, trees won't get mad at her. "I don't like dealing with people, and I really don't like having to deal with bad situations and all that 'feeling' and 'emotion' crap."

"So that night, after I got in the car with Freddie, I took... a few swigs of my hidden alcohol stash," She imagined the tree growing flowers, and the flowers bloomed, beckoning her toward them and offering to wrap her up in a cocoon of leaves and petals.

"And Freddie _let_ you?" Carly asked incredulously.

"That's another thing... Freddie knew. He knew... how I am. And he's the one who watched me and took care of me whenever I got lonely or whenever things were frustrating and I just needed a drink. You've been busy lately, and he's always been there. So I figured I'd use him for more than a human punching bag." She attempted to joke but Carly didn't reply. So she pictured a beach, behind the tree, with clean blue water and a warm sun beating down.

"Sam that's just-" Carly started in a disapproving tone. Sam felt a sudden urge to protect Freddie, to defend him.

"Carles, believe me, It was all me. It was my decision and I made him do that. I made him keep my secret and made sure he didn't stop me or judge me. He was just against it as you are."

"Well, why didn't you come to me? Why him?"

"You see how you're acting right now? I'm not even looking at you but I know you're giving me 'the look'."

"What look?" Carly asked, shocked.

Sam scoffed, "That disappointed, 'I can't believe you did that' look. Where you scrunch your face up and move your head back."

Carly quickly rearranged her facial expression into something she thought was more comforting.

"But Sam, that _is_ crazy. It's crazy and dangerous and you could really hurt yourse..." She trailed off, her eyes trailing down to Sam's covered body.

"Check. Did that already." Sam said disinterestedly, now imagining dolphins shooting up out of the water and back in, "I could... hurt other people. Check, done that too. I _know_ it's crazy and I know it's stupid, Carly. But how else am I supposed to deal? You know how crazy my mom's been ever since my dad left. And you know how hectic my life has been lately."

"But that's just... irresponsible-" Carly started but Sam cut her off, the picture in her head suddenly disappearing in rage.

"_Excuse me?_ Says the pregnant seventeen year old! How the hell do you think I deal with _that?_ My best friend is pregnant and _everyone _is okay with it. Hell, guys _still_ want you! I can't even get a guy to date me for more than a month rather than have one get me pregnant and then stay to support me. Do you know how that feels? When your best friend makes a huge mistake but she's _still_ better than you? And people _still_ like her? Half of my friendships would be destroyed if I got knocked up. And you have the _nerve_ to say that my drinking, my only _real_ escape, is _irresponsible?_ I'm sorry that I'm not as freaking perfect as you are." Sam spewed angrily. She crossed her arm and hastily picked up the remote sitting on the edge of her bed that she uses to call the nurse. She pressed down on the button hard and turned the TV back on, turning it up loud.

Carly started to speak but Sam ignored her, waiting for the nurse to get there. "Sam I-" Carly started but her mouth snapped shut and she looked at Sam as if she was about to cry. Sam scoffed and put her full attention on the TV until the door was pushed open by an older nurse who had fed Sam earlier.

"Yes, what's wrong?" The woman asked, walking over to the TV and turning it down considerably.

"I'm not really in the mood for company anymore," Sam said loudly, not pulling her eyes from the TV. The woman's eyes flickered over to Carly and she nodded and spoke up.

"Okay, Miss, I'm going to have to ask you to leave so that Samantha can get some rest."

Sam could feel Carly looking at her, not saying anything but her staring holes into her face.

"Fine," She said tightly, standing up and making her way toward the door behind the nurse. "Bye, Sam." She called behind her shoulder.

She slammed the door and Sam slowly turned to look at it. After a few moments, when she knew they were gone, she turned the TV up and leaned farther back into her pillow, holding back tears.

_I don't know what just happened, but I think I lost my best friend. _She thought as a few stray tears escaped from her eyes.

She shut her eyes and brought her mind back to the tree. The tree whose leaves were open, welcoming her in.


	19. Who Are You Now?

**Sorry for the wait, I'm in the middle of a move ****AND there is a huge project due in... about two weeks and I'm NO WHERE near done.**** As I write right now, there is someone ****singing**** sitting next to me. Lovely, right?**

**So I was typing this (and the project up) and my 'E' key breaks! FML. I had to type half of this without an 'E' key!**

The day of her discharge he came to pick her up. Who was she kidding? He was _all_ she had. He was the only person who _wanted_ to come get her, probably the only one who even cared she was getting out.

She and Carly still hadn't spoken. Ever since that last argument, Carly hadn't come to see her, called her, or texted at all. He says that he doesn't see Carly much either except for at school and when they do talk, she just pretends none of it ever happens. She refuses to talk about it and changes the subject whenever he tries to.

"_Does she... miss me?' Sam asked him one day when he came to see her, she had just woken up when he came and was still trying to shake off the sleep so she could hear about his 'Carly report'._

_He had given her a look, a look that obviously said that he didn't know, not at all, and then sighed before replying, "I think she does but she's good at hiding it. I mean, you are her best friend."_

"_Were." She corrected quietly, "I **was** her best friend."_

She reluctantly sat in the wheelchair that the nurse offered her. She was too tired and upset to argue with the wheelchair policy.

As she rolled toward the glass front doors of the hospital, she could faintly see Freddie on the other side, leaning against his car as he waited for her right next to the curb. She almost laughed, seeing him with his arms crossed leaning against his car like he was in some kind of teen movie and trying to look cool.

The nurse pushed her down the wheelchair ramp and leaned her crutches against the wall, helping Sam up, before handing them to her. Freddie rushed over to help out and make sure that Sam was okay walking with the crutches.

"I'm fine. Get off me." Sam grunted, waving them both off, a few nurses that had followed handed Freddie Sam's bag and a list and prescription from the doctor. Freddie put her stuff in the car and then, against her protests and inflicted pain, helped her into the car. Before he could get in the nurse who had pushed her walked over to him and they had a quiet conversation as Sam sat in the front seat playing with the radio.

She finally found a station she liked, and they still weren't done. She began to grow impatient, she just wanted to go somewhere and lie down. The absence of alcohol to dull everything out had made her feel paranoid, edgy, and irritated all the time. She impatiently honked the horn, loud and long. The nurse smiled a little bit and then shook Freddie's hand and leaned over to wave at Sam from outside of the window. Sam just stared blankly at her until she smiled a wry smile and hurried back inside of the hospital.

Freddie got into the car and eased off onto the street, while Sam grew tired of the radio station and started changing it again. She settled and they continued the drive in silence. Once they were a good several miles from the hospital and stopped at a stop sign, Freddie smiled at Sam and broke the silence.

"Glad it's over?" He asked her.

She groaned and let her head fall back, closing her eyes and mumbling, "Fredlumps, this is _not_ over."

The light turned green and he continued driving and she started to explain.

"My life is going to be hell for the next few months, maybe even the next few years. Tomorrow I have an AA meeting and then next week I start physical therapy _and_ psychological therapy and I'll have both one to two times a week. Then I have court to go to next month..."She trailed off, already getting a headache just thinking about it all.

He's quiet for a moment as he maneuvers through the streets, and then he says quietly, "I'm sorry, Sam, I really am." He said, sounding sincere, like he actually was sorry.

She opened her eyes and looked at him as he worked extra hard to concentrate on the road. She said, "This is far from over. This has just begun."

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He dropped her off at her house, and then gave her some money for a taxi in case she wanted to come over to talk or if she wanted to get a pizza or something. She actually thanked him and then pulled her key out and let herself inside. The house was dark on the first level and quiet. She heard a TV going upstairs and silently thanked the world that she had switched her mother bedrooms before the accident so that hers was now on the first floor.

"Who the _hell_ is that_?"_ Her mother's voice boomed from upstairs, and the TV was muted.

"It's ME." Sam shouted back, emotionless. She heard her mother walking down the short hallway upstairs and then saw her face peek down from the top of the staircase.

"Whoa kid, you got it bad," Her mom commented as she made her way down the stairs and toward her daughter.

_What the chizz?_ Sam thought, staring at her mother blankly, _This woman did not come and visit me **once** while I was at the hospital. I expected her to be dead or having had fled the country or something, not sitting in her room watching soap operas!_

"Excuse you?" She snapped, her stare morphing into a glare as she held herself up with the crutches, wanting so badly to be able to tap her foot and cross her arms. "Where the hell were you?"

The older Puckett raised her eyebrow, "Language," She reminded and Sam growled so she continued, sighing, "You know how I feel about hospitals... and besides, I was busy." Her mother's face was partly covered by the darkness of the room.

"You were _too busy_ to come and see your own _daughter_ in the _hospital_?" Sam spat, nearly foaming at the mouth.

Her mother's eyes narrowed, "And Is it _my_ fault that you went out and broke your body up?" She turned and headed for the stairs before Sam could reply, speaking as he went, "Though it's nice to know where most of my alcohol supply has been going. You should've told me you were drinking. We could've drank together ... or not." She tacked in as an afterthought, now at the top of the staircase.

Sam glared fire into her back until she disappeared and she heard her UN-mute the TV and then turn it all the way up. After she was gone, she limped through the kitchen and to her bedroom, slamming her door as hard as she could before dropping onto her bed and falling into a much needed sleep.

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The next day she was awaken by her phone beeping and alerting and what not. She opened it to see a message from Freddie telling her that she needed to get up and get ready for her AA meeting in two hours, he was dropping her off (taking her to breakfast first of course-even though it was like five in the afternoon) and had even offered to go in and help her get through it. She had quickly denied the offer, saying 'Mama can take care of herself. Just be there on time to pick me up, and bring cash, you're taking me to get food afterwards. I'll need it.'

She groaned and threw her phone across the room onto the soft chair in a corner of her room. She slowly pulled her head up, knowing that Freddie would be leaving soon and if she wasn't ready then he'd completely freak out.

After grabbing her crutches and struggling to stand up, she limped over to her dresser and pulled out a pair of jeans and a penny tee. She opened another drawer and got out her undergarments and made her way to the bathroom. When she finally got there, she faced another challenge: bathing.

She couldn't shower, obviously, it hurt her just to stand on her leg. She'd have to take a bath, though after what Carly had said about sitting in your own filth... it just didn't rub her right.

She got an idea. She slipped her clothes off and then slowly pulled her cast off and locked the bathroom door. She turned the shower on and then slowly moved her crutches a bit so that she could sit in the bathtub. Once sitting completely in the tub, she threw her crutch on the ground and closed the curtain. The water was hitting her face but she didn't care, she liked the feeling. She examined her legs, both of them and saw the cuts and bruises on one leg from where the bottle had cut up her leg. There was one long and deep looking gash from where it had sunken in, she quickly looked away from it. The other leg looked a little bent, but other than that and a few scratches and bruises, it didn't look broken. She figured after all of that time in the hospital it had healed pretty well so far. Good, she couldn't wait to get out of that stupid cast and get rid of those damned crutches.

After washing herself carefully, she leaned up and turned the water off, and then slowly pulled herself out of the tub. She was already irritated with this whole 'broken leg' thing. She doesn't know _how_ Freddie managed to survive with his.

There was intense pain shooting through her leg from all of the moving and arrangement she had done just to take a shower. She winced and cringed, but did everything she could to ignore the pain. She quickly dried and pulled some clothes on, before brushing her teeth and taming the wild beast that it her wet hair. She was shocked Freddie wasn't there yet, but decided she needed to rest her leg anyway. She shuffled from the bathroom to the living room and fell onto the couch, glad that her mom wasn't awake yet.

She reached over and picked the remote up, turning the TV on. She watched TV for a while until she heard a car stop in front of her house and a door slam shut. She didn't feel like moving so she waited until she heard the quiet knock on the door.

"Get in here, nub." She called from the couch, still watching the television. The door slowly creaked open and Freddie peered in. She raised an eyebrow at him and he gave a small smile before stepping in and closing the door. "Weird much?" She commented.

"Sorry," He apologized but gave no excuse for his actions. He walked over and she moved her legs so that he could sit before propping them up on his lap. He rolled his eyes, but made no comment. "We have to leave in about forty five or thirty minutes." He told her, as he settled into the couch.

"Shit. Well will you do me a favor?" She asked urgently.

He groaned and looked at her, "I'm not going to like this, am I?"

She laughed and then smiled at him sweetly, "Make me breakfast?"

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They pulled up in front of an old brick building. She looked at it and felt her stomach sink. She could still taste the eggs and bacon Freddie made for her (Which were surprisingly really good- considering a nub like him made them) and she wished she could be still seated on her couch, eating another batch.

_Because she shouldn't be here! _This place is for people with problems, and while she does have problems, none of them are the same as the problems dealt with here. She's not an alcoholic. She's just a teen having a little fun. The teens at those parties, are _they_ alcoholics? Why the hell aren't they there?

This isn't her. _She was just having fun._

"It'll be fine. Are you sure you wanna go alone?" She heard Freddie coax from the driver's seat. She didn't look at him, still staring at the tall building, she nodded her head.

"I'll be fine," She confirmed in her signature 'I'm Sam Puckett and I can handle anything' voice.

She could almost feel him roll his eyes.

"Okay then." And then he sat back and waited. He didn't pressure her or rush her, he just turned the radio up and started singing along to some song she had never heard before.

She turned around to face him, looking at his hands behind his head looking so relaxed, sitting in this unfamiliar car...

"Yo?" She asked and he turned his head and raised his eyebrows, "Who's car is this?"

She couldn't believe she hadn't noticed this the day of her discharge. The car that she was sitting in was black. Freddie's car was blue, dark blue. And these seats were dark, his had been a tan-ish color.

"This is my mom's car. She's going to fix mine and keep it and I'll just keep hers."

She furrowed her eyebrows, "Oh."

He nodded and started singing again, staring at her suggestively.

She rolled her eyes and threw her hands up, "Fine! I'm going, I'm going."

He laughed and she rolled her eyes as he jumped out of the car and ran around to her side just as her door came swinging open. He opened the back door and grabbed her crutches, helping her up and handing them to her. He helped her up the stairs to the building and then she pushed him away.

He laughed, "I'll be back in one hour." He pushed the door open for her.

"Whatever." She huffed, limping through the door and hearing him shut it and take off. There was a sign that pointed to the left that said "AA" in bright colors with a pointy arrow. She rolled her eyes and started in that direction until she stood in front of two large doors. She supported her weight on her good foot and pushed the doors open.

The room was large and spacey. She could see, directly in front of her, a group of chairs arranged in a circle. Some people were sitting, some were walking around, talking. There was a long table to the side with... food! Food!

_This place may not be as bad as I thought. Free food. _She thought as she made a beeline for the food. She was almost there when a short haired woman in about her forties, stepped in front of her, blocking her path to the food.

"Hi! I'm Debra, you must be new here." The woman greeted, Sam ignored her and looked around her at the food table. She could see little 'finger sandwiches' and fruits and vegetables and donuts and- just what she was looking for! Lunch meats!

"You look young." The woman remarked, trying to catch Sam's attention and stepping to the side a little bit to further block her view.

Sam gave her an annoyed look but she continued, "When I first started coming I was fourteen. Got in some real big trouble," She glanced down at Sam's crutches and cast, "Looks like you did too."

"Yes, Donna, your life sounds _so_ tragic. Now if you don't mind, I'm hungry and I want food." Sam tried to limp past the woman, succeeding this time as the woman gasped and stepped out of the way. Sam limped as fast as she could to the table before anyone else could block her. Her eyes scanned the table and she decided she wanted to sit while she ate so she sighed and grabbed a plate.

After piling her plate high with everything that looked half decent, she juggled the plate and limped over to a seat, it looked like they were starting. She sat between two empty seats and hoped that no one would try to sit by her.

"Hello everyone!" A voice boomed and everyone immediately quieted down. Sam started on one of the donuts she had on her plate as she watched all kinds of people sit and turn their attention to the woman, mid-thirty looking woman who was sitting almost directly across from her. She had red/orange hair and bright eyes and she wore a floral skirt and a white shirt.

Sam's eyes scanned the group as she ate. She saw a super thin girl who looked to be in her mid-twenties and sitting next to her she saw a wrinkled woman who was so tanned she looked like leather. Her age was undecipherable. There was a fat man and a hairy man and one of those 'video game' dudes.

She didn't see many people who looked to be her age, and the ones who did looked either too weird or too perky. Either way, not her type of friend.

The woman started speaking again, "Welcome back, friends. I see a few new faces today!" She announced looking around and smiling at everyone. "My name is April. Now would you all please stand up and introduce yourselves?"

Sam raised her eyebrows and sunk deeper into her seat, shoving another donut into her mouth. A nerdy, man (about thirty) stood and cleared his throat, looking jumpy and nervous.

"My name Is Leonard, and this is my first day," He said in a squeaky voice and Sam scoffed, earning a few glares. _Really? I couldn't tell._ She thought sarcastically.

April smiled at him and then looked pointedly at the rest of the group. Everyone turned to Leonard and said simultaneously, "Hello Leonard."

He nodded at everyone and then quickly took his seat, looking down at his shoes.

April smiled again, "Welcome Leonard. Thank you for joining us today. Who's next?"

A woman with long brown hair and red lips stood. To Sam, she looked perfectly normal. Kind of like Carly, and she wondered why she was there. She didn't look like an alcoholic.

"I'm Karen, and I am a recovering alcoholic. I drank for 5 years and I have been sober for 21 days."

Everyone clapped and Sam looked around, confused, as she stuffed a few carrots in her mouth.

They chorused a "Welcome Karen." Before April began speaking.

"Karen that's great! Welcome!" April nodded her head and smiled widely at Karen. As Sam ate, she wondered if April's face ever hurt from smiling so much. She herself, rarely smiled as enthusiastically as April seemed to do every time someone spoke. "Who's next?" April asked, clapping her hands together and looking around the room expectantly.

No one moved, Sam sunk as deep into the hard, uncomfortable chair as she could. She realized that everyone had already went and hoped that maybe April hadn't noticed her.

Suddenly, April turned around and looked at her. Sam stared right back, having just finished eating the lunch meats, the last thing on her plate.

April began to speak but was interrupted by the sound of the two large doors Sam had come in, being shut louder than normal. Sam turned around to see a girl who looked somewhere around her age walking through the doors and toward the circle.

She had dark hair, that was curled and hung loose a little bit past her shoulders. She had light eyes but they were darkened by the darker makeup she wore; the large amount of eyeliner and the dark red lipstick. She wore a blue crop top with pouting lips on it, and a black leather jacket over it. She wore black jeans and black converse shoes.

"Nice of you to join us, Eva." Sam heard April say bitterly. She watched the girl roll her eyes and walk (strut is more like it) to the circle of chairs, and take one of the seats right next to Sam. The girl smelled like pineapples and cigarette smoke.

"The pleasure is all yours." Eva smirked at April and April's face wrinkled as she scowled at the dark haired girl.

"Anyway," April continued in a loud voice. She looked at Sam and smiled, "Here's a _pleasant_ new face." She looked at Sam suggestively and Sam sighed, not getting up from her seat. She looked around the circle at everyone and spoke.

"I'm Sam." She didn't continue. 

April's smile faltered a bit, "Sam, could you tell us something about yourself?"

Sam rolled her eyes and clucked her tongue, "I'm Sam," She said again, "and I really don't want to be here. I feel like punching someone in the face" She said bitterly, training her glare on April. Eva snickered lightly beside her.

April narrowed her eyes at Sam, "Well welcome anyway." She bit out. Sam could tell that April's good mood, was long gone.

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"And he said 'Let me buy you a drink.' He was hot, and it was hard. He bought me the drink." A girl named Trista with long dyed hair and fake looking boobs, continued and there were gasps all over the room, "And then, before I could drink it, I saw him staring down my shirt. So I took the alcohol and poured it all over him. And then I called Sheila." Trista smiled and everyone clapped.

Sam wrinkled her eyebrows._ What the fuck is happening here? She's proud because she didn't get drunk and sleep with that man whore? _

Eva mumbled beside her, "Whoop de freakin doo."

Sam snorted and Eva looked at her and they both laughed quietly. April glared at them both and they tried (But failed) to contain their giggles.

April stood up and smiled (again, one more time and Sam would start taking count and making bets) at Trista and spoke, "Trista that's amazing." She looked at her watch and then at the group, "Well you all, that's all the time we have for today. I'll see you all next Tuesday!"

Everyone started getting up and talking to each other. Eva and Sam stayed seated and Sam heard Eva sigh and glanced at her.

"They're delusional."

Sam raised her eyebrows at her, "What do you mean?"

"They come here. They think it's so easy. They _pretend _it is. Trista used to be a prostitute. That's why she drank. And now she's convinced herself that she's 'better' and she got some crappy job as a waitress or something even though we all know she'll be back on that corner in less than a month with a bottle of brandy shoved down her throat."

"She's that bad?"

"They're all that bad."

"That's kind of pathetic."

Eva sighed, "Tell me about it. What's _your_ story?"

Sam sighed, "Well, long story short. I have a fucked up dysfunctional life. Which lead to me drinking, and the only reason I'm here is because I got into a car accident and the doctors found alcohol in my system and flipped a lid. You?"

"I drink because I can." Eva stated simply, "My family is dysfunctional too. My mom's a dumbass and my dad's a dick. They fought all the time and I started drinking when I was fifteen to drown 'em out. I'm 20 now so I'm still not legal. And my mom found out I was drinking and shit a brick. So... now I've been _here_ for five months."

Sam nodded, "They just don't understand." She slowly stands, holding the chair to support her while she grabs her crutches. Eva watches her but doesn't try to help, Sam respects that- she doesn't want to be smothered. Once she's standing she heads back over to the refreshment table to get a drink. She picks up a coke, generic of course, and pulls it open, lifting it to her mouth and taking a long gulp. She hears a click behind her from someone else opening a can and turns to see Eva sipping coolly on a sprite.

"Are you coming next time?" Eva asks, looking at her hardly as if she were studying her. As she speaks, Sam can see something small and silver on her tongue – tongue ring.

Sam sighed, "I have to."

Eva just nods and then looks somewhere past Sam, toward something out the open door. "I gotta go. See ya, Blondie." And with that she walks around Sam and to the door before she could reply. Sam watches her long dark hair sway back and forth as she walks and wonders what it is about that girl that makes Sam feel... understood. She had barely conversed with Eva but just being around her made her feel relaxed. The hard look Eva gave her, didn't make here feel judged or ashamed of who she was. It was a nice feeling.

Still sipping her coke, Sam herself headed in the direction of the door, knowing that if she took any longer Freddie would get impatient and worried and come in to find her. As she walked outside into the cool afternoon breeze, she spotted the dark car Freddie had been using sitting almost directly in front of the building. She rolled her eyes, he probably came twenty minutes early and took the best spot.

She made her way to the car and flung the door open, shocked that he hadn't gotten out and insisted on helping her. She paused and threw the backseat open, putting her weight on her good foot as she threw the crutches in the backseat. She eased herself into the front seat and began talking without even looking over at Freddie.

"That was possibly _the_ most boring meeting I have ever attended."

"Isn't it the _only_ meeting you've ever attended?" A voice said from the driver's seat that definitely was _not_ Freddie.

She slowly turned to look at the driver and noticed that last time she had seen Freddie, he _surely_ hadn't had long brown hair and a small baby bump.

"Carly." Sam said bluntly, as if stating a fact. Carly started the car and pulled off into the street, avoiding looking at Sam.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Sam demanded when Carly didn't reply.

"How was your first meeting?"

"Where. The. _Hell_. Is Freddie?" Sam hissed through her teeth, giving her 'best friend' a heart shattering glare.

Carly sighed, "I wanted to see you." She said quietly, keeping her eyes on the road. Sam could tell, without even looking, that her eyes were watering.

She had always had a soft spot for Carly. While everyone else annoyed her to no end, Carly was her best friend. Carly was more of a sister to her than her own. Hell, she had been more of a _mother_ than her own. She had been her extended family. So what if she was having a baby? She already took care of Sam, what's the difference? Sam suddenly felt like the whiny middle child who threw a fit every time mommy paid more attention to the baby.

"Carles..." Sam trailed off, closing her eyes, already frustrated. She wished she had a drink in her system, this conversation would be so much easier... then again, it probably wouldn't have happened...

She heard Carly's sharp intake of breath, "Sam..."

Carly glanced at her for a moment before focusing back on the road.

"I'm sorry." They both said at the same time. Sam blushed and Carly smiled sheepishly. All of a sudden, they both started laughing. They pulled up to a red light and Carly slowed the car, still laughing.

"You know," She spit out between giggles, "I'm glad you're done with this silly stuff. And I'm glad you're getting help. Drinking is such a horrid habit. I mean, I know you're frustrated and all but it can't be _that_ bad. Derrick says drinking can..." Carly babbled on and didn't notice that Sam's laughs had stopped and she was now staring at the brunette with wide eyes. Absentmindedly, Carly's hand drifted to her stomach and the light turned green. Carly, left hand still on her belly, put her right hand on the wheel and drove, still babbling and giggling.

That was it. Something snapped in Sam. She vaguely registered the familiar neighborhood coming up, she glared at Carly once more and spoke out in a clear, powerful voice.

"You don't get it." Sam's voice cut through Carly's and filled the car with an awkward, angry silence. Carly slowed next to a curb two blocks away from Sam's house and turned and stared at Sam with wide, confused eyes.

Sam laughed bitterly, "And why would you?" She feels her eyes water and she stared at Carly, stares through her, "You're everyone's first choice."

Sam pushed her door open, even though Carly was still coasting along the empty side street. Carly seemed frozen, right there on the spot.

"You have everything and you don't even realize it." Sam shook her head, still smiling bitterly. She stepped out of the car, using the hood for support. She ignored the pain in her leg and threw the door to the backseat open. She leaned in and reached for her crutches, and threw Carly one last, disappointed look.

"Bye Carles." She murmured, and then picked her crutches up, slammed the door, and situated herself on the two long sticks, before hoping over to the sidewalk and limping down the street.

Carly didn't follow her. Sam didn't even hear the car move.

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Once she's far enough from Carly's (borrowed) parked car, she pulls her phone out to call Freddie, but then realizes that Carly has his car. She huffs annoyingly and instead dials the operator, asking for the number for a close local cab. After calling the cab company and waiting about ten minutes- Ten minutes of tapping her foot and looking out for Carly-, the taxi pulls up.

A man, who looks to be in his thirties and is wearing a jumpsuit and a cowboy hat- _freaking weirdo, _Sam thinks- is in the drivers street looking at her curiously. She rolls her eyes and slides into the backseat. He looks at her in the mirror.

"Where to doll face?" He asks in a deep, scraggly voice.

She cringed and then sighs, "Bushwell Plaza..."

He starts to pull off but she exclaims from the back seat, "Wait!" She mentally calculates how much money she has with her, "Stop at BF Wang's, first. Mama's hungry." She can afford the food, Freddwad can pay for the cab- he owes her.


	20. Comfort Food

She shows up on his doorstep, knocking quieter than usual in fear of one of the Shay siblings (she'd seen Freddie's car neatly parked in the garage so she knew Carly was home) opening their door in response to the noise, she really couldn't handle that right now.

She knows for a fact that his mom is at an Aggressive Parents workshop in Michigan and that she won't be back for three more days. She also knows for a fact that it's one o'clock in the morning, as the taxi driver had so annoyingly reminded her.

She was lonely and bored and agitated. She wanted to drink, just one bottle, hell, just one sip... anything to stop the ache that is her head.

There's a strong ache in her throat and a sting in her eyes. A strong indicator that she's about to _feel_ things that she doesn't want to feel. She doesn't want to be sad, and she doesn't want to cry. Her mind is begging for the alcohol, begging for the release. Her body is aching for it, knowing that the physical reactions to grief would be much worse than what alcohol could do to her. She can feel her heart breaking and she swears she hates it more than any hangover.

She lost her _fucking_ best friend. She deserves any drink she wants.

He answers after her third knock, not looking surprised, not really showing any emotion. He looks down at the two buckets of chicken in her hands and speaks.

"Rough night?" He asks sympathetically, opening the door wider.

She rolls her eyes, "The worst." Before she pushes past him and makes her way to the living room, plopping down on the couch and stuffing another chicken wing in her mouth.

Can you blame her? She eats when she's upset. Before the drinking, it was the only way to drown out her emotions.

He walks in and turns the TV on but doesn't sit. Instead he walks into the kitchen without a word. She rolls her eyes and kicks her crutch with her good foot. She hears him move around in the kitchen and then looks at the TV screen, realizing that she did NOT want to watch some stupid romance movie. She looks for the remote, but can't see it. She pushes cushions off of the couch and uses one of her crutches to knock stuff off of the table, hunting for the remote.

"You're crippled and you still managed to destroy my living room." Freddie teased from the doorway to the kitchen. She turned around and stuck her tongue out at him, to which he chuckled and walked over to her. He handed her chocolate topping and barbecue sauce from one of his hands and the remote, which he held in his other hand.

She gaped up at him, "How did you know?"

"Well, you're a girl," He said pointing to the chocolate, "But you're also Sam," He pointed to the barbecue.

She rolled her eyes and fished another chicken leg out of one of the buckets. Not dropping eye contact with him, she popped the top of the chocolate sauce and drizzled it over the chicken, then held it up to her mouth and took a large bite. He didn't flinch. Just watched her with an amused expression.

"This doesn't gross you out?" She asked, still chewing.

He smirked at her, "Sam, how long have I known you?" 

She punched him in the arm and laughed. He joined her and walked back toward the kitchen.

A minute or so later he walked back in with two tubs of ice cream.

"Rocky road?"

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Maybe he had always been her lifeboat. The one who would pick her up when she needed it and sail her to safety. He wouldn't rush, and he let her lead. They'd just drift out at sea, together.

So it made sense that he was the only one she could talk to, _really_ talk to, about everything and he won't judge her. Carly had been good at that too, but Sam felt... pitiful when she talked to Carly about her problems. Because Carly was perfect and Sam couldn't compare. So seeing Carly nod her head politely but not really understand what Sam was talking about...

It was different with Freddie. He usually understood, he wasn't popular or perfect. And if he didn't understand, he asked questions. And even though all the questions annoyed her, at least she knew he cared and that he was trying.

"And she doesn't understand how hard it is... How frustrated I am. It's like she thinks it's some kind of game. Or that it doesn't' matter and is just a cry for attention..." Sam continued. She and Freddie had been talking about her blowout with Carly and, compared to the way she felt when she first got there, she felt a lot better to get it all off of her chest.

She paused and took a bite of chicken, and then scooped a spoonful of ice cream in after, smiling at the nice taste.

"Well you know Carly," Freddie said, "She's too innocent. She's never seen anything like this before."

Sam sighed, "I know. It's just... sometimes I wish she would at least try to understand."

Freddie nodded and ate a spoonful of ice cream.

"Why'd you let her borrow your car anyway?" Sam asked suddenly, remembering that she wouldn't have even had to have the conversation if he had picked her up as planned, "You said _you_ would be there, not _her."_

He looked down uneasily, taking a long moment to eat another spoonful of ice cream and choosing not to speak with his mouth open to buy time.

She threw a chicken bone at him and his head shot up.

"She threatened me." Freddie squeaked reluctantly, and for a moment Sam saw that fifteen year old boy who still slept with a night light and couldn't hold a fight to save his life.

But now, it was two years later. He was older, stronger.

She couldn't help herself, she laughed out loud. Very loudly in fact. 

"Dude!" She burst, "You are aware that you have muscles now? I mean, believe me, we're all still very shocked at the fact, but seriously!"

"Hey!" Freddie defended, "I wouldn't hit a pregnant girl. Besides, you'd be surprised how scary she is when she's angry. And a pregnant lady waving a metal nail filer at me is not a situation I would like to keep myself in."

"A nail filer? Really?" Sam rolled her eyes and stretched her arms up above her head. It felt good to laugh and joke and talk about her problems. It felt good to get it all off of her chest- so that she wasn't carrying all of this [pain] on her back like weights.

He laughed and she couldn't help but feel it. That moment that crept up on them, like everything was back to normal. Like they were fifteen and careless again.

He obviously felt it too because he spoke quietly, "I am so sorry. For all of the drama lately, everything."

She rolled her eyes and chucked another chicken bone at him, "Shut up Fredemame, it was mostly my fault anyway."

He winced, but shook it off, instead, he threw the chicken bone back at her and for the second time since Sam's soberness, they slipped right back into their usual ways.

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**Short? I know.**

**Sorry? I am.**


	21. Bittersweet

"Wait. Sam! Please don't hang up." The once bright and chipper voice pleaded into Sam's ear. Now, the voice was tired and stressed, obviously from trying to catch up with Sam for three days now. Hearing the brunette's voice in her ear, sounding so sad and desperate, gives her a queasy feeling in her stomach. She presses the red button quickly, ending the call and hoping to get rid of the bad feelings it brought up.

"Was that Carly? Did you hang up on her?" Freddie's accusing voice asks from beside Sam.

They were both at her house, eating eggs and pancakes that Freddie had fixed. It had been a week since the Carly blowup and her first AA meeting. Since then, she'd been to two more meetings and had been effectively avoiding Carly.

"Yes, I did." Sam replied nonchalantly, still eating and staring straight ahead at the TV.

"Well, why? She's your best friend. And she's trying to work this out. But you won't let her." He said, putting his plate down and looking at her intensely.

The air in the room changed, suddenly it was too thick and it was choking her. Suddenly, things were too awkward and painful for her to handle and, at that moment, she wished more than ever that she could take one swig of alcohol- just one, to take the feeling away.

"She doesn't understand." Sam said quietly, "And neither do you."

"What do you mean, Sam?" I do understa-" He started but she interrupted him.

"You don't" She said just as quietly as before. She feared if she tried to speak any louder her voice would crack and the tears she wanted so desperately to hide, would spill. "You don't understand how hard it is just to get up in the morning." She put her fork down. Her appetite had suddenly gone away. She felt like she might vomit _and_ cry.

"Wha-"

"Everyone's always expecting so much out of me." She said strongly, suddenly just feeling the need to get the words out. The more she told, the better she felt. "Even before that stupid party and even before I started drinking."

"Everyone expects me to be so strong. But you all don't realize, I'm only one person. And it is so _tiring_ trying to be strong. I put so much energy into being mean and protecting myself, that it drains me."

"Sam I-" Freddie tries to interrupt but she holds up a finger. _"_Don't talk. Just listen."

"And the night of that party..." She says in a shaky voice, "Changed everything. I never felt so weak. After that, it was hard for me just to breathe easily. And one day, I was feeling horrible. I mean... I just didn't know what to do with myself. But then I remembered."

"I remembered the party and the alcohol and I remembered how wonderful it felt sliding down my throat and how wonderful and free it made me feel..." She drifted into silence.

"You think my life is so easy." She spoke after a minute or so. "You think I'm so strong." A tear slid down her cheek and she looked away so that he wouldn't see, "But I'm not." And then tears were streaming down her face and she couldn't stop them.

"Sam... I .. I didn't know." He spoke up, figuring she was done speaking. "I just... don't cry..." He reached out for her, trying to grab her hands and rub her back, but she pulled away.

"Don't touch me." She snapped. Pulling away. She stood up and ran to the bathroom, locking herself inside. "I'll be ready in a minute."

There goes another outstretched hand, ready to help her, that she had pushed away.

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The ride to the meeting was quiet. The air in the car filled with an awkwardness that Sam didn't have the energy to break. She knew that he was waiting for her to speak, waiting for her to spill her guts and cry into her lap.

But he didn't realize that she just wasn't that kind of girl.

She isn't _this _girl. The girl that said all of those things to him, the girl who told her all of his secrets and let him see her cry.

She just feels so fucking stuck.

She's been so sad for so long, and she can't hold this incredible boulder of sadness inside of herself for too long. Her own anger and depression is eating her alive. And she can't take it. She can't hold it all in anymore.

And that stupid dork always manages to make it pour right out of her.

As they pull up to the building she throws her door open and uses the car to support her as she gets here crutch once he's stopped. He doesn't get out and insist on helping her like he usually does. She slams the door and starts limping toward the building without even a look behind her.

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"Sweetie, are you okay?" A voice asks from behind Sam.

She's standing around at the end of the meeting, waiting for Freddie to show up. That days meeting was boring. Eva wasn't there so she didn't have anyone to talk to.

Sam turns around to see an older woman – probably in her fifties- looking at her with a genuinely curious face.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Sam replies automatically.

The woman smiles knowingly, "Now that's a lie. What's your name, hon?"

"Why should I tell you?" Sam says bitterly. 

"Fine," The woman smiles, "Don't tell me. My name's Gloria- and apparently your name is Sam." The woman says, looking at Sam's name tag.

_Damned identification, _She thinks_, What's the point of these things anyway. _

"Yeah yeah, well whadaya want lady?" Sam says testily, tapping her foot and narrowing her eyes, "I don't have any pepper mints."

The woman laughs, "That's not what I wanted, but if you want one then I have one." The woman opened her purse and pulled out a red and white peppermint.

Sam scoffed, "I don't want any Granny Candy."

"Just eat it." The woman commanded, "Peppermints always clear your mind. And they make your mouth taste delicious."

Sam rolled her eyes, but plucked the candy from the woman's hand and tore the wrapper off, popping it in her mouth. "There. Are you happy now?"

"Not really. I won't be happy until you tell me what's making that pretty face of yours frown."

"That's kind of creepy. But then again, you are old... Fine, you want to know what's wrong?"

The woman nodded.

"Well, let's see: My best friend is pregnant, and I just caused my other best friend to get into a car accident," She motioned to her crutches, "My mother doesn't care about me. All of my other friends don't want to hang out with me because they think I'm a psycho alcoholic... oh yeah, and I'm stuck HERE." She said angrily, motioning to all of the 'alcoholics' around her.

The woman smiled and pulled another mint out of her purse and handed it to Sam. She motioned to a few nearby chairs and Sam reluctantly took a seat.

"Young woman," She started, motioning Sam closer as if she was telling her a secret, "I would like to be your sponsor."

"What's a sponsor."

The woman laughed, "Let's just say I'm someone you can talk to. Now look, I have to go now, but I want you to take my phone number. If you ever need anyone to talk to- I'm always here."

"That sounds like something straight off of a Hallmark card. And why would I call you to talk about my problems?" Sam said rudely, biting on the mint.

"Because I'm 'old'. So I must know what I'm talking about. And, unlike your friends, I understand. I've been through all of this. You don't _have_ to call. Just know that you can." The woman reached into her pursed and pulled out a strip of paper and a pen and wrote her phone number down. She put the pen back in her purse and set the paper- and something else- in Sam's hand, and then closed her palm.

She waved, and then walked out of the door up to a blue car with a younger woman sitting in there.

Sam opened her hand and saw the phone number- which she stuffed into her pocket, and three peppermints.

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When Freddie finally makes it there- he apologizes, saying he had a problem with a guy at the gas station- she's calmed down. She's no longer feeling awkward and exposed from what she spilled to him that morning. Though she does regret saying it- because it was such a sappy thing to do [and if she keeps telling this boy her secrets, it will only lead to heartbreak] and so unlike her. The withdrawal of alcohol has made her so... emotional.

She hates it.

But then she reminds herself that if her life wasn't so fucked up she wouldn't need to get emotional, cranky, or have mood swings.

"Look, Fredbag. About earlier, It was nothing, okay? I was just having a bad morning and you and Carly getting all up in my business, it just didn't help. And this alcohol withdrawal is making me crazy emotional..." Sam trailed off.

"You're telling me..." Freddie mumbled. Sam heard that and responded by punching him not-so-softly in the arm.

"I heard that, nub."

Freddie laughed and then, after a while, Sam joined in.

When their laughter died down, Freddie spoke, "It's been a while since you've called me a nub." He didn't sound sad, but he didn't sound happy.

Sam turned and looked at him. _Really_ looked at him. He was staring straight ahead at the road, but he was smiling.

She feels something in the pit of her stomach and realizes that after seeing that smile so much for so long, she really does like it. It's a nice smile. It's familiar. And sometimes, when he smiles at her, it's kind of sarcastic, like half a smile half a smirk.

He doesn't smile at any one else like that. He never did. Not even Carly.

They reach a red light and he looks at her, and there it is. The smirk-smile. She smiles back at him, a smile that feels genuine, and it feels like some kind of private joke between them.

She laughs [because it's so cheesy for two people to just sit there in silence and smile at each other. So she punches him again. "I know. But that doesn't change anything. You will always be a nub to me."

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Standing at this door feels so... old to her. She hasn't done it in a while and it feels awkward. A month or so ago, she would just fling the door open and let herself in. But now, she stands in the hall, staring at it as if it will magically open all by it's self and spare her the confusion and awkwardness.

After a few minutes, her foot starts to hurt and she realizes that her the only way that door is opening is if her knuckles make contact with the wood. So she hesitantly reaches her hand out and knocks on the door.

She takes a deep breath- because what happens next will be harder than knocking was.

The door opens and Spencer looks shocked to see her. [But then again, who wouldn't be. She hadn't been over since before the accident and hadn't spoken to him since he visited her in the hospital. And even though this whole situation was incredibly awkward, she couldn't stop the girlish squeal when Spencer wrapped her in a huge bear hug.

"Spence... can't... breathe." She laughed out and he let go, smiling at her.

"Can you blame me? I haven't seen you in forever. Just because you're mad at Carly, doesn't mean you have to avoid me too." Spencer said, pouting at her like a young boy.

Sam laughed in a way that was bittersweet, "I'm sorry, Spence."

Spencer shook his head, "Come on in. Don't stand out here like a stranger." He stepped out of the way and she walked in and sat down on the couch. He sat in one of the chairs and looked at her. "What happened to you, Sam?"

She blinked and stared at him. Not really knowing how to answer that question. How do you tell someone who's always cared about you and always believed in you, that you let them down? How do you disappoint a man who welcomed you into his home and became the brother you never had? How could she do that? How could she be the one who wipes that smile off of Spencer's face by telling him that even though he tried his hardest, nothing and no one could save her?"

She shook her head and looked at him sadly, "Life. Reality," She shrugged, "I don't know."

Spencer frowned, "What is up with kids today? You're all trying to grow up too fast. Carly... is pregnant, you're drinking alcohol and running away from home. I see kids out there screaming at their parents and sneaking into clubs... I just don't understand."

Sam bit her lip, "I don't either, Spence."

Spencer was quiet for a moment, thinking, and then he got up and went to the kitchen. "So, you staying for dinner? I'll make spaghetti tacos."

Sam was amazed, once again, by Spencer's ability to look on the bright side of everything and ignore all of the bad things. She remembered his support when he found out about Carly and how she had never once heard him get angry about it. Spencer truly was a good person, and she felt horrible for exposing him to her many issues.

And now, here he was, looking at her with pure hope in his eyes and a smile spread on his lips because he was so happy that she here and she was okay. She smiled, because she never did have the heart to not to smile back at him, and she accepted. Then she told him that she had to go make things right with Carly first and he agreed.

As she trudged up the familiar steps to the familiar room, she felt an odd feeling in her stomach and suddenly, being _here_ in this place that she had practically grown up in, she realized how much she missed it.

And suddenly there was nothing stopping her from getting it back.

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After Sam's father left, her mother pulled out all of the money in their shared bank account. She spent some of the money on a giant trampoline and put the rest in a private bank account for herself.

By that time, Sam was nine and her sister, who had been living with their grandmother for personal reasons, had come home. Sam and Melanie loved the trampoline and spent the majority of their time on it. That summer, Carly actually spend most of her time at Sam's house. Her mother hadn't started drinking yet and was instead working as a kindergarten teacher. Sam, Melanie, and Carly were best friends back then; spending every day together.

The trampoline was a symbol of their friendship in many ways. It had always been the place that Sam and Carly could talk, where they could dream, and sometimes just a familiar place to clear their minds at.

On the last day of that summer break, the three girls had gathered on the trampoline to relax on their last day before they had to go back to school. They laid there until the sun started to set, Spencer had called a few minutes before to say that he was on his way to pick Carly up.

As they waited, the girls gazed up at the sky, waiting eagerly for the first star to show. When it did appear in the sky, Sam spotted it first.

"Look, look! There it is!" Sam pointed to the sky and immediately clamped her eyes shut. The other girls followed suit and they each made their wishes silently. Sam kept her eyes closed, even after she was done with her wish.

"What'd you guys wish for?" Carly's voice broke the silence.

"You aren't supposed to tell, then it won't come true." Sam exclaimed, opening her eyes.

Carly pouted, "Aaawww."

Sam frowned at her friend's unhappiness. And then looked up at the sky, dark, but lit up with all of the stars. She stood up on the trampoline and bounced a bit to keep her balance. Carly looked up at her, wide brown eyes curious. Sam held her hand out to her.

"I want to catch the stars." Sam said, and helped Carly up.

Carly smiled, "Go ahead, you can do it!" She said, supportive as always.

Sam grabbed her hand and smiled at her, "I can't do it without you." She stated and then they both started jumping and reaching for the stars. Melanie laughed and giggled with them, but stayed seated, claiming she didn't want to fall [Mel never really was any good at jumping on the trampoline – she was the one always falling off and hurting herself].

Sam and Carly held hands, jumping up and reaching for stars, squealing every time they 'almost caught one!' up until Spencer got there to pick Carly up. As she gathered her things to leave, Carly smiled at Sam and told her not to catch any stars without her.

Sam promised, and at her birthday party that year- at her house around the trampoline of course- Carly gave her a silver necklace with a colorful star pendant.

Sam eagerly put it on and smiled at Carly, who told her it looked great. Then, they linked hands, climbed on the trampoline, and jumped for stars.

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Sam thought of that day as she stood outside of Carly's room, too afraid to knock. She touched her neck, but the star necklace was not there. She remembered, after that day, she had worn the necklace every single day, until the chain broke a few years later. Her mother was supposed to take it to get fixed after she got home from work, but when she came home that day she announced that she had lost her job- and then sat in her room drinking for the rest of the night.

That night, Sam had taken the necklace and hung it inside of a jewelry box her grandmother had gotten her a few years ago for Christmas. That same jewelry box with that same necklace inside, now sat somewhere in the attic of her house.

Sam stood outside of the room, remembering it all, all of her memories with Carly flooding through her mind, reminding her why exactly the girls were friends and why they had been for so long.

And she realized that she couldn't let it go- she couldn't let their friendship die. Because Carly is her best friend, and even though she'd made a few mistakes, it was up to Sam to forgive her.

She didn't knock, it would take too long and she would probably lose her inspiration and courage while waiting for a reply. She threw the door open and stepped inside. Carly was sitting on her bed, reading, with her hand resting on her stomach. She turned when she heard the door opened and her eyes widened when she saw Sam standing there staring at her. Neither of them spoke, just stared at each other with wide eyes and wary expressions.

Carly stood up and walked around the bed, until she was only a few feet away from Sam. Sam bit her lip and thought of nine year old Carly, laughing and jumping with nine year old Sam. Back when things weren't so complicated and they could have fun like that.

_And now we're standing here like strangers. _Sam thought sadly. And she finds it kind of funny really, how they go from nine year old best friends, jumping for the stars; to seventeen year old strangers, both in more trouble than they can handle by themselves. Problems that can't be handled without your best friend.

_It's not too late._ She tells herself, _Just speak up._

"I'm so sorry Carly." Sam whispered, her voice sounding so quiet and un-Sam-like, even to her. "... I don't want us to be like this. I _need_ you. And you _need_ me. What we're going through... it's too much to go through without a best friend. And there are things that Derrick and Freddie, can't do. I feel like... I don't even know you anymore." Sam said, tears sliding down her cheeks. Carly stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Sam in a hug, still silent.

She pulled away and spoke, "Sam, I know. I know. I can't do this without you. And when.. when I found out about... it... I was scared. And I was hurt that you couldn't tell me something as big as that. I get it, because I felt like I didn't know you either-"

"I'm sorry." Sam interrupted and Carly smiled and continued.

"I know. But here's me, pregnant and confused, having to hear a doctor tell me that my best friend has evidence in her body that she's been drinking for _months_. And I felt like you had changed- because that girl, who was lying there all broken up, that wasn't you, that wasn't _Sam_. I felt like you were a completely different person, because just a few months ago, you were playing golf with meatballs and giving Gibby daily wedgies."

Sam chuckled, "I didn't know you felt that way. I didn't know I had changed so much. I'm so so-"Sam started, but Carly interrupted her, clamping a hand over her mouth.

"This isn't _you_ either. The Sam I know had trouble saying sorry once, you're saying it every time you speak. I know this is hard for you. And I was wrong. I was rude and I was...snobby. I'm sorry I did that to you."

Sam nodded, "I'm sorry too, I hate when we fight. I just... I want my best friend back." She gave Carly a small smile. Carly wrapped her arms around Sam and gave her a big hug.

It felt good to be here, it felt good to have her best friend back. They stood there, arms wrapped around each other for what felt like forever, until Carly pulled away.

"Do you remember when we hung out on your trampoline, like, every day?"Carly asked excitedly.

Sam nodded, "I was just thinking about that before I came in here!"

"Watch this." Carly said and then walked over to the light switch and flipped it off, "Look up"

Sam looked up to see little stars and moons taped to the ceiling, giving off a yellow/green glow. Her eyes widened and she smiled happily. Suddenly, she felt like a nine year old girl again. With no problems, only a best friend and a sky full of stars.

"Wanna catch stars?" Carly asked from beside her. Sam looked at her and smiled, before kicking off her shoes and holding her hand out.

"I can't do it without you." She smiled and the girls linked hands, before climbing onto Carly's bed and jumping for stars.


	22. I'm Not The One

It had been nearly two months since the accident. With all of the drama in between then and now, it seemed like time just flew by. Carly was five and a half months pregnant and showing, school was out, Sam and Carly had just made up last month, and Sam was 'on the road to recovery'.

Freddie's wounds from the accident were pretty much healed. Other than the scars and scratches and gashes, those would be there for a while [Though not as long as they _could_ because Ms. Benson treated them nearly every day.]

Sam was going to her meetings, but didn't really participate or anything. Mostly she talked to Eva and made fun of other members and ate peppermints with Gloria. She had finally gotten her cast off, and she was relieved.

Things were getting better, she had completed her community service[picking up trash] a week or so after she made up with Carly. She was going to AA meetings and she hadn't had a drink since the night of the accident. That was mostly because her mom hid her booze better and Freddie and Carly kept a strict eye on her.

She still got cravings, urges, but it was just too hard to get a hold of anything. And besides, things were going so well and she didn't want to screw it up. She was tired of screwing things up. So she would be on her best behavior.

Sam and Freddie were also getting quite close again. They were hanging out one on one without drinking or making out having anything to do with it. They would hang out at Groovy Smoothie, or the Park, or her house. And they would just hang out, talk, watch TV, surf the web. You know, the kind of things normal teenagers do.

Everyone knew Carly was pregnant. It was hard not to, she was 'huge'. And, her being Carly, everyone was too shocked to give her shit for it.

Gibby had come over and made the comment before, "I just always figured Sam would be the teen mom. Not you."

That,of course, ended up getting him several bruises from Sam and kicked out of the apartment for the rest of the day while Sam calmed down.

All in all, things were going pretty well. Though with this drama-filled group, they sure wouldn't stay that way.

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The day that changed it all, the day that ruined it, Sam, Freddie, Carly, and Gibby were at the Groovy Smoothie. They were eating and drinking smoothies and laughing and having a really good time. They were laughing at a corny joke Gibby had made, when a girl around their age approached their group. She had short brown hair and green looking eyes.

"Hi, you guys are from iCarly, right?" She asked, smiling at the group, but eying Freddie.

"Yeah, we are!" Freddie answered, smiling politely. Carly and Gibby waved.

"Oh!" The girl said, looking at Carly, "Is that why you all 'paused' the show?"

Carly smiled and touched her belly, "Yeah, I'm five months."

"Oh, that's cool. Good for you. Who's-" She glances at Freddie, "Who's the father?"

Carly smiled again, "My boyfriend, Derrick. He's at work right now."

The girl smiled at Freddie, "So, you two aren't together? What about you and Sam?" 

Sam and Freddie glanced at each other, sharing a look, and then they both shook their heads. "No, we aren't together. I'm not dating anyone right now." Freddie answered her.

"And I'd never date a dork." Sam said coolly. Freddie rolled his eyes and gave her a look.

"So you're available." The girl smiled flirtatiously, trying to win his attention back, "Well I'm Amy. And I don't think you're a dork." She giggled and Sam glared at her.

Carly and Gibby's eyes widened and Sam continued to glare while Freddie gave her another polite smile and answered, "Well thanks."

"In fact," Amy said, reaching into her purse and pulling out a pen. She rested her elbow on the table as she flirtatiously grabbed Freddie's arm and began writing on it. "Why don't you call me sometime and we can... go out." She giggled again and Sam felt like she might throw up all over the table.

"Sure..." Freddie said, smiling forreal that time as the girl put her arm on his shoulder and smiled again, before she said goodbye and walked out the door.

"My man!" Gibby cheered, clamping a hand on Freddie's back. Carly laughed and looked at Freddie, smiling.

"Yeah, Freddie. She was pretty, _and_ nice."

Freddie smiled at his friends' approval and then turned to see Sam staring at him. Once he looked at her, her face turned to a look of disgust.

"You're not actually gonna go out with her, are you?" She asked, raising her eyebrows.

Freddie shrugged, "Well, it wouldn't hurt to-" He started but she interrupted.

"She's so... plain." Sam insisted.

"She's pretty." Freddie argued, "And nice."

"But she's so wrong for you!"

"How?" Freddie asked, starting to get a little angry.

"She's..." Sam struggled for the words, "I just... I have a bad feeling about her. She's just gonna hurt you..."

"Like you don't do that every day! At least she's nothing like you! I'd rather date her, than have to put up with you!" Freddie blurted angrily and Sam's face took on several emotions while Carly and Gibby's mouths widened.

Sam's face went from shocked, to angry, to hurt, to devastated, to disappointed, to unbelieving, and then to furious as Freddie realized his mistake and started to apologize.

"Sam-" He reached out to touch her but she pulled away, staring at him with pure fury and pain. "I didn't mean tha-" He started but Sam jumped up, grabbing her bag and interrupting him.

"Save it." She said, shaking her head and walking out the door as her friends called for her.

"Sam!" Carly yelled just as the door shut. She looked at Freddie, who was watching the door where Sam left.

Gibby looked at both of them awkwardly and then stated the obvious. "Dude, she looked _pissed_!"

Carly and Freddie both glared at him and Freddie looked back at his food, not even hungry anymore.

"Gibby is right." Carly told Freddie. "You shouldn't have said that."

"I know." Freddie put his face in his hands.

"Yeah, bruh, she's really gonna kill you this time." Gibby put in.

"Gibby," Carly turned to him. "Will you _shut up_?"

Gibby threw his hands up defensively, "I'm just tellin' it how it is!"

"Well can you not be so... cruel about it? You're making him feel horrible."

"It's not my fault he was such a squash to Sam!"

"Squash? When did Freddie become a vegetable?"

Gibby rolled his eyes and shook his head, giving her a look that meant she should have known, "He _squashed_ her feelings!" He explained, "Duh."

"That doesn't even make sense!"

"Well, not to you!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Carly demanded.

"All I'm saying is-"

"Will you two shut up!" Freddie exclaimed, "I have bigger problems!"

Carly frowned and put a hand on Freddie's shoulder comfortingly, "Sorry, Freddie. What are you gonna do?"

Freddie shook his head, shaking her hand off and getting up, "I'm gonna go find her." He told them, heading toward the door, "I need to make it up to her."

Carly and Gibby nodded.

"Good luck!" Carly shouted. Gibby nodded to that.

"And Freddie?" Gibby said, getting up and walking over to Freddie.

"Yeah?"

Gibby patted his back again, "I just wanted to ask if I could have your laptop if Sam kills you."

"What?" Freddie exclaimed, "No!"

Gibby frowned, "Then can I have your Galaxy Wars sheets?"

Freddie and Carly gave Gibby a look. Freddie shook his head and decided if he wanted to get out of there anytime soon, he has to please Gibby. "Sure." He said, and then pushed walked out of the Groovy Smoothie.

Gibby smiled and then walked over to his seat next to Carly.

"What?" He asked, seeing that she was still giving him a look. Carly shook her head and sighed, and then reached up and smacked Gibby on the back of the head.

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Sam was hurting, bad. She never thought that anything Freddie had said -or Freddie himself- could affect her so much. His words stung, and they reminded her that she never had a chance with him.

Not that she.. wanted him or anything. She just... would have found it funny if he had wanted her. You know- a laugh. Ha. Ha.

Turns out, it wasn't funny at all. She didn't know why she felt so disappointed that Freddie didn't like her. She should have known. He was into girls like Carly and... well Amy. She didn't want to admit it though. She just felt like even though he was attracted to those girls, they weren't right for him. That's why his relationships with them never lasted. They weren't his... type. He belonged with someone...

What? Someone like _her_? Please. She mentally cursed herself for even thinking something so stupid. Why would a sweet momma's boy like him, want a drinking, pathetic criminal like her? In ten years, he would be head of some fancy, smart business. He would be _successful_. And her? She would be drunk off her ass, alone in some bar flirting with a fifty year old loser, trying to get him to buy her another drink.

So why would they be together? The successful and the pathetic. They were complete opposites and they were both heading on different paths. All this time he had been steering her away, closer to his path where she could live a happy life with her two best friends. But happiness won't last forever. Not for her. She was a disaster, just like her mother. And underneath all of the happy, underneath the Sam she is when she's with her friends, there's something dark. Something ugly and pitiful is brewing inside of her and she was stupid to think that he could kill that thing.

Guys like him, they ran from her. Because she's their worst nightmare- she's dangerous and she's the flying baseball that would break the glass of their shiny, perfect cars that would drive them to their perfect, and happy futures.

Freddie would like Nora, she knew. They would date forever and eventually get married and have two perfect children, a dog, and a white picket fence. And Sam, she would be on the other side of that picket fence, looking up at what she'll never have.

These thoughts, they depressed her because it was all true. She walked down the bright street, trying not to cry at how pathetic she was, and finally stumbled into her house. She heard no noise, so she knew her mother was either out or asleep.

She walked up stairs and into her mothers room, only to find her passed out on her bed with a bottle dangling from her fingertips. Sam looked at the bottle longingly and then looked at the clock, seeing that it had been over an hour since... the thing had happened, and she was shocked to see that she had been walking around town for that long. Her mother was out, and probably wouldn't be waking up for a while. Which was great. They still weren't on speaking terms.

Sam quietly bent down and plucked the half-full vodka bottle from her mothers hands, happy that she and her mother at least had one thing in common.

She walked back down stairs and into the kitchen, grabbing the orange juice bottle and a box of fatcakes, and walking into her room. She shut the door and then walked over to her stereo, turning it on but not turning it on loud. She tore open a fatcake and sat on her bed. Taking a bite, she picked the bottle up and looked at it for a moment. Letting herself imagine the sweet relief and magical feeling it would give her in just a few minutes.

_It's been a long time, old friend._

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Freddie had been searching for her for over two hours. He had looked everywhere he had ever seen her: her house, Carly's house, _his_ house, the park, all kinds of places. He even looked for her at the _school_. That was how desperate he was. All of that searching, only made him feel worse

He was a _jerk_. And he hated himself for it. Sure, she had made him mad, but she always did that. That was how she communicated, how she showed she cared. And there were only a few people she really cared about. He _was_ one of them. He wasn't so sure anymore. He had basically told her that she was too horrible to date, he had hurt her. He had _broken_ her walls- thrown rocks at it. And _no one_ breaks Sam Puckett.

How had it even gotten this far? How had he and Sam advanced from enemies, to... what? What were they? How were they at a level as to where what he said actually mattered to her? Nothing anyone said mattered to her! But he had... his words had mattered. So they must have been friends, right? Or more?

There was nothing going on with them though. The last time they had even kissed, she was drunk and ever since she got sober they haven't done anything like that. She wouldn't even let him touch her. But... she told him things. She _talked_ to him about actual things. And he had talked to her too. They had developed trust for each other. They were so close, yet so far away.

He didn't know what she wanted. He didn't know if she wanted him or even _thought_ of him that way. But how she had acted earlier, that had to mean _something_ right? Something like maybe she did... or had, thought of him as more than a friend. And if she did... did she still feel that way?

Ugh! She had just sent to many mixed signals. One minute, she was telling him something completely personal and friend-like, and then next, she was slapping him across the face and calling him a sap. One minute, she was reaching for him, and the next, she was pushing him away. She would look at him one way, and then talk to him another. She would yell at him to leave and then whisper for him to stay. It was so frustrating! Because he didn't know _what _to think of her.

He thought that maybe, maybe if he found her... she could clear things up for him. But then again, she was Sam, so she would most likely just make it all more confusing.

He was ready to give up. She was _no where. _But then he remembered when she ran away and he remembered how horrible he felt. And even though he had already called and texted her a bazillion times, he pulled his phone out and tried again only to be disappointed by her answering machine again.

He decided he would check her house _one_ more time, and maybe, hopefully, he would find her this time.

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She was laying on her bed, listening to her stereo scream song lyrics at her and munching on a fatcake. The alcohol had engulfed her in a blissful peace, and she happily let the horrible thoughts drift away, if only for a little while.

It felt good, to just lay and not feel anything. She closed her eyes, and for the first time in two months, she was flying; Flying above reality and all of the drama that has poisoned her life. She was flaying above her head and through her ceiling, out of her house and into the sky. The birds, flying beside her and leading her away from it all. Leads her away from everything bad in her life.

She wishes it could be that easy. That the birds can just pick her up and take her away from it all.

But then her phone rings and startles her. She falls, back through the roof and the ceiling and lands in a blonde and tangled mess on her bed.

She opens her eyes and reaches for her phone, which is on the floor beside her bed. She sees that Freddie is calling and suddenly she's angry.

Because how _dare_ he make her feel like crap earlier and then, once she's finally happy, once she's flying, he makes her crash and pulls her back into the harsh reality.

How _dare_ he ruin this for her. She ignores the phone call, turns her phone down to vibrate and throws it in her backpack. She lays back down and closes her eyes, and tries to fly again.

That lasts for all of twenty minutes. Twenty minutes of peaceful daydreaming, flying with birds and diving with dolphins. She hadn't felt that calm in what felt like forever. She was pretty much asleep, and she loved it.

She heard knocking. But she didn't know where it was coming from. She opened her eyes and sat up, wiping her eyes and looking around. The knocks continued, but she still didn't know where they were coming from. They were starting to annoy her, so she got up and turned her music up, trying to drown the noise out. After she turned it up, the knocking stopped. She smiled to herself and then sat back on her bed, getting ready to lay back down when her door was pushed open.

Her eyebrows knit together as she looked at the boy standing in front of her. How did he get in her house?

"Sam!" Freddie exclaimed, "Why didn't you answer the door? And why wasn't it locked? I understand you're mad at me, but you should always keep your door locked because-" He stopped and looked at her, stepped closer to get a good look.

She was silent, and as he studied her, the track changed and music flowed in the silence.

_**You're way too young to be broken  
You're way too young to fall apart**_

"Sam, are you-" Freddie started, but stopped and then was silent again.

_**You're way too young to play these games  
But you better start  
But you better start**_

"Are you drunk?" He asked suddenly, his eyes widening as he stared at her in shock. He didn't give her time to answer though, because he reached down and picked up the empty vodka bottle, answering his question.

_**This is when it starts  
From the beating of your heart to the street lamps talk to you  
Jumping off of the edge or asleep in your head  
Every thing's turning dark to you**_

He had tried so hard to help her. He had been there, he had seen her in her lowest and he _thought_ he could help her make it to her highest. Her problems, though, were eating them _both_ alive. He was swimming in a sea of problems, her problems. He was drowning in a sea of Sam.

And he was just so tired of helping her, just so she could throw it all away.

_**I went to pick the up the parts  
The doctors hiding the charts  
He won't let me see this side of you  
It's on the tip of my tongue **_

_**You know you're way too young to have someone lie to you**_

"I can't believe you," He said quietly, staring at her sitting there, looking so... small. This was the girl that had been his personal tormentor since they were in middle school, and she was looking up at him but the only thing he could see was _small. _He had tried to hard to build her back up. To make her as big as she used to be.

She looked up at him with those big blue eyes, and he wondered how they could be so intoxicating, so poisonous.

She bit her lip, and then decided _she_ would be the one angry with _him. _

"What the hell are you doing here?" She demanded. And it would have been intimidating, if it wasn't slurred.

"What the hell are _you_ doing drinking again?"

_**I'm not the one  
I'm not the one who wants to hurt you  
I'm not the one  
I'm not the one who wants to hurt you**_

"Freddie, what do you want from me?" She asked, and then slumped back, looking completely exhausted.

"I want you to try! I want you to care about yourself enough to stop this! I want to help you, Sam! But I can't help you if you won't let me in. Sam, I'm not going to let you do this to yourself again, I _won't_. I am _not_ the one who's gonna let you throw it all away."

_**You better find somebody else to get a hold of yourself  
I'm not the one  
I'm not the one who wants to hurt you**_

"I just want to help you." He finished.

She snorted, "Well, you're doing a fine job of 'helping' me." She crossed her arms, "I was sober for two months, Freddie. And what do you think got me drinking again?"

_**You're way too young to be broken  
You're way too young to fall apart  
You're way too young to play these games**_

He tried to speak, but she interrupted him, "I started drinking, because of a _boy. _I started drinking because some asshole... molested me at that stupid party you two dragged me to." She paused as he gasped, staring at her in disbelief.

_**But you better start  
But you better start **_

"And then I stopped. I stopped because of you and Carly. And I thought that it would be okay again. Because you wouldn't hurt me." She wouldn't meet his eyes, she was feeling nauseous. "But, surprise, surprise. You did. It feels like every time I start drinking, it's because of a _boy._ I just never thought It would be because of you."

He shook his head, unbelieving. _That's_ what happened that night? How could- How did-. No. He shook his head. _No_ It didn't happen. _No_. She's _Sam_. That would be impossible.

"I didn't know-" He said quietly and she glared at him.

"Right." She looked away again, "Well now you do."

_**It was the second I lit  
Your first cigarette  
I forget who you used to be  
And I bit my lip  
The second you sipped, the poison that was mixed for me**_

"But..." He took a deep breath, "What _is_ this? What _are_ we?"

She pushed her hair back and didn't speak for a minute. Then she turned to him, giving him the coldest look she could, because she _wouldn't_ let him hurt her again. "Who cares?." She bit her lip and reached for another fatcake, "So maybe I kissed you, and maybe I did tell you some really personal stuff. But, I mean, there's no way I'd ever... go out with you. Or be your little girlfriend and..." She stopped, pretending to be occupied with her fatcake.

_**I'm not the one  
I'm not the one who wants to hurt you  
I'm not the one  
I'm not the one who wants to hurt you**_

"So, that's how you feel?" He asked, getting angry again, "Everything... everything we've been through meant _nothing_ to you?"

She was starting to get a headache. "I don't know _how_ I feel." And that was the most honest thing she had said during that whole conversation.

He shook his head, "You know what, It doesn't matter."

She finally looked up at him and bit her lip again.

"It doesn't matter because... I'm going out with Amy anyway. Like you said, there's nothing going on between us." He put his hands in his pockets and looked away from her.

Sam stared up at him, shocked. "Well," She swallowed, feeling extremely nauseous and depressed. The bubbly high of the alcohol had worn off, "Whatever."

He met her eyes, and they looked at each other for a moment. Both of their eyes full of sadness and anger, but both of them too stubborn to admit that they were wrong. So, blue met brown. Chocolate met the ocean. And what passed between them in that one moment, was a feeling so strong and intense, that Sam finally lost it.

She reached over and grabbed an empty fast food bag just in time to spill her stomach's contents inside. Freddie watched as she vomited, tried of helping her just so that she could push him away.

_**You better find somebody else to get a hold of yourself  
I'm not the one  
I'm not the one who wants to hurt you**_

When she was done, she looked up at him, still holding the bag. Her hair was sweaty and she stared at him with big, hurt eyes. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and It broke his heart how weak she looked. But he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't rush to her side and help her, pretending everything was okay and that she didn't need help. Because she did. She needed help. And he was tired of offering it, just so she could turn him down.

"Well," He echoed her earlier words. His tone was emotionless, but his eyes were sad. "Whatever."

And then he was gone, shutting her bedroom door quietly, and then shutting (and locking) her front door the same. He was gone, done.

And, for some reason, that upset her much more than it should have. She laid down on her bed, but she couldn't take her eyes off of the door. Because a small part of her was still hoping that he would change his mind and come back.

But he wouldn't, because she had made up his mind for him. And now she was completely alone.

She closed her eyes, but she just couldn't fly anymore.

_**Drink the poison lightly  
Cuz' there are deeper and darker things than you  
I know, cuz' I've been there too  
I know it might seem frightening  
To have the world fall apart right under your shoes  
Trust me, you'll make it through**_  
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_**Welp, that's it for this chapter. Don't you all love the ILMM reference? :) It seems like every time I do a chapter for this story, it's a dramatic argument. Phew, this group Is full of drama! Ha. And no, LOL, the song did not last throughout the whole argument. I just put the lyrics. Also, the song is I'm Not The One by 3oh!3. That's the song that inspired this story. Thanks for reading! -Ariel.**_


	23. Moving On

_**AN: I am SO mad! I had a good portion of this chapter done and it would have been ready days ago, and then I open the file to try to work on it AND NOTHING IS THERE! Grr.**_

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_**Sorry, here's another Author's note. I just wanted to apologize in advance because I know this chapter might take a while and I know it might not be as good as it should be. I'm just... going through a lot right now. Me and my boyfriend of two years just broke up and I needed some time to figure things out. I'm sorry for getting so personal and throwing all of my business out there but I need you all to understand why I may not live up to the image. I am completely heart broken right now. I need to re-evaluate my whole life and get my priorities straight and that may take time. **_

_**I am so sorry. **_

* * *

Sam doesn't know why she called Gloria, or why she's standing outside of a pancake house getting ready to meet her. Maybe it was because after Freddie left, and after she threw up at least twenty times, she couldn't get rid of that empty feeling. There was something, in the back of her mind, reminding her that something was _wrong_. She just wanted to make it go away. She wanted things to be okay again.

That's what the alcohol gave her, but her high wore off a long time ago and the empty ache replaced it. Making her long for attention, long for presence, _his_ presence- even though she wouldn't admit it. She wanted _someone_ there to get him off of her mind and make everything that happened early that evening _go away_.

She didn't even really understand why she cared that much. He was never _hers _and she had never wanted him to be _hers_. But then, things got bad for her and he was there and he acted like he cared and next thing she knew, she was letting him in. She was trusting him and, even worse, she was... depending on him. Which, as she had learned at a very young age from her mother, was something you should _never_ do.

She told herself she didn't care. It didn't matter. But she couldn't stop _thinking_ about any of it. It was driving her crazy; and she couldn't find any more stashed alcohol. It was either sit at home and let her brain torture her with memories and thoughts, or let Gloria treat her to free food.

So that's how she ended up standing outside of Joanne's Waffles trying to summon up the courage to go inside. She knew Gloria was in there, she could see her sitting in a booth in a far corner. She was reading a novel, and sipping at something in a coffee cup.

She could only see a few people there; a small family, a few college kids, and an older man with a mustache and red hair sitting at the counter eating a slice of pie. Even though there were only a few people there, she still couldn't make herself reach forward and push the doors open.

She took a deep breathe, breathing in a syrupy smell coming from the building and she pushed her fears back. Because her stomach grumbled as soon as the smell hit her nose; and she pushed the doors open, stepping inside of the warm, comfy little diner.

She hesitantly made her way towards Gloria, trying to fight the urge to run home and pretend she never came. She needed this though; she was so alone and she _needed_ someone to talk to. She needed someone to be there and spill the space that Freddie had been occupying for so long.

As she nears Gloria's table, Gloria sees her and sets her book down, giving her a warm smile.

"Hey Sam." She greeted as Sam took a seat and gave her a small uplifting of the lips. As she settled herself, she noticed the peppermint on the table in front of her and looked up at Gloria, who was smiling at her and unwrapping a mint for herself.

She smiled back and mimicked Gloria's actions, the whole setting of the cozy diner making her feel a tiny bit better. As she sucked at the minty candy, a waitress approached and greeted them warmly before taking their orders. Sam ordered the full breakfast (pancakes, bacon, sausage, eggs, and a hash brown) and Gloria ordered the same. Sam asked for a peppy cola.

"So," Gloria started as the waitress went off to put in their order, "What happened?"

Sam's eyes widened a little bit, shocked that Gloria had just come right out and said it. She was impressed though, by her straightforwardness. Most everyone she knew liked to dodge around the subject a bit before _trying _to be sly about asking. She liked that Gloria didn't play those kinds of games.

"Well.." She bit the peppermint for time, "I had a drink today..."

Gloria raised her eyebrows but her expression didn't change. "Really." She asked, but it wasn't a question. Her tone was more amused than curious.

Sam frowned and knitted her eyebrows together, "Shouldn't you be reporting me or freaking out or lecturing me or some chizz like that?"

"Why would I do that?"

Sam stared at the woman as if she had three heads, "Because the courts said I can't drink!"

"The courts." Gloria repeated, "I see. What do you think about that? What the courts said."

Sam scoffed and mentally slapped herself for even having come. Obviously this was a waste of time. She made her voice bitter and uncaring.

"I say I do whatever the hell I want."

Gloria laughed at that, and then reached down and took a sip of her coffee. As if right on cue, the waitress appeared with Sam's peppy cola and their food. The ladies both started eating as Sam waited for Gloria to say something.

"Well, how about we start with _why_ you had a drink?" Gloria suggested as the waitress walked away.

Sam sipped at her drink and tried to keep her voice as cold and uncaring as possible, "This guy made me mad."

"He made you mad enough to throw all of your progress out the window?"

Sam shook her head, "He was a... friend, I guess. And he said some really rude things that... hurt my feelings I guess."

"So what happened with you two?"

Sam shrugged, "His name is Freddie and I... I... think we aren't friends anymore."

Gloria nodded, "Well if you're so upset, why don't you go work things out with him?"

"He doesn't really want to talk to me right now. He's really mad." Sam said quietly.

"Well, why does it matter?" Gloria asked.

Sam's eyes widened and she gaped at Gloria, insulted, "_Excuse me_?"

Gloria shrugged, picking up her fork and continuing the conversation, "No offense or anything; but nothing really seems to matter to you. Especially not people. So why do you care that Freddie won't speak to you?"

Sam took a moment to think about that, visually shaken by Gloria's words. Did she really seem that cruel? Did people really think that she didn't care about anyone.

"I just.." She spoke quietly, "What we had was good. We weren't together, but he was there for me. We hate each other. We always have. And that's our thing. That's what makes us Sam and Freddie." Sam looked down at her half empty plate, "But now... everything's all messed up. And I hate to see a good thing go."

She looked up at Gloria with sincere eyes, "I care about other people. I just... I don't want to care too much. Because _everyone_ lets you down. Even the people you thought never would. And if I pretend I don't care, if I pretend nothing matters to me, then it won't hurt me as bad when people do disappoint me."

"I understand." Gloria told her; and Sam was partially angry because she had opened up, she had told Gloria things she was afraid to tell even herself and all she got in return was two words. And she didn't think Gloria really understood. How could she?

Sam made no comment, and they both finished up their food, Gloria paid, and they left.

* * *

Freddie doesn't know why he isn't enjoying himself. He's out, in public, with a _very_ attractive girl. They were having a good time, yeah. Amy was nice and pretty and she seemed genuinely interested in everything he said. He had found out that she was an only child, and that she had straight A's. They had a lot in common and it was nice.

But it wasn't... fun. It was all so dull and boring. Sure, she was funny and they were both laughing and having a good time, but he just felt as if something was... missing. He couldn't quite name it, but no matter how well the date was going, something was off.

He knew that he should be happy, it wasn't often that a girl like this was interested in him. And she was the kind of girl that he had been waiting for, looking for. He had wanted someone good. Someone nice, and smart, and who actually understood what he was saying half of the time.

So how come, now that he has it, it isn't quite what it's cracked up to be?

"Freddie?" Amy asked, and Freddie flashed back to reality and looked up at her. She was looking at him with a concerned look on her face, "Are you okay?"

He realized then that he had spaced out and hadn't heard a word Amy had said, he smiled at her, embarrassed, "Yeah," He nodded, sitting up straighter, "I'm fine. What were you saying?"

She giggled and rolled her eyes, "I was asking what you planned on doing after you graduate?"

Freddie grinned, already having had all of that planned out and ready, he leaned forward and began telling her all about his plan. And unlike if he were talking to Carly or Sam, Amy seemed fascinated. She gave her opinion about the schools he was going to apply to and even threw out a few she wanted to apply to.

After that, conversation flowed easily. They talked about her two brothers and his mom. They talked about iCarly and she told him about how she likes to draw in her free time. They laughed, and talked and it was all so nice. He ignored the voice at the back of his head telling him that something was missing. He was having a good time with a pretty girl.

And he wasn't going to let Sam ruin that for him.

* * *

Carly doesn't know why her best friends have to be like this. Why they're so intent on ruining each other that they don't realize that maybe if they _stopped_ for a minute, they would realize that they could make each other _better_ instead of worse. She's starting to get really _tired_ of their stupid game. If they would both just swallow their fucking pride, stop being so stubborn, and realize that they belong together, they wouldn't have all of these issues.

She's pregnant, but they're the ones giving her back pains. It's been nearly a week since their big blow out and both of them are getting on her nerves. Freddie won't stop talking about how much _fun h_e has with Amy and how he's glad there's finally someone who appreciates his help. And Sam has been avoiding Freddie like the plague, whenever Freddie is around, Sam disappears. Literally. Freddie enters the room and when Carly turns around, Sam is gone.

If Carly weren't so worried, she would be annoyed at this. She doesn't know _what_ Sam does when she sneaks off and she's terrified that she might be off drinking or something. She just got her best friend back and she doesn't want to lose her again.

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_**A/N: I'm sorry for this chapter, it's not very good. The ending sucks. I've got a huge case of writer's block... I just. Augh. Writer's block is pretty much to blame for all of this. And besides, this chapter is pretty much just a filler. Later on, I'm gonna come back and edit this chapter. But until then, I apologize for the suckiness. **_


	24. Relapse

It's been two months.

**Two whole months.**

Two months and Sam and Freddie have not said one word to each other unless forced. It's aggravating to the people around them and very annoying to everyone in general.

The fans are starting to notice. These are their last few iCarly shows before they go on a hiatus for Carly and her baby. Fans are asking why Sam doesn't make fun of Freddie anymore and why she pretends he doesn't exist. They're asking why the camera is either not on Sam at all or focused only on her shirt- always avoiding her face [her eyes]. They're wondering why there are no more 'Wake up Spencer!' segments or any videos with Socko's depressed cousin anymore. They're asking, ultimately, why Sam and Freddie are avoiding each other. They're losing viewers from it.

But worse, Carly's watching her two best friends in the whole entire world, treat each other like they're invisible. They're not the iCarly trio anymore. They're Sam and Carly or Freddie and Carly. Sam and Carly, being best friends and girls, hang out more than Freddie and Carly. So sometimes Carly doesn't see Freddie at all for days at a time. She asked him once what he's been doing with his time and his reply was that he's started hanging out with Gibby or the AV kids.

She wants to confront them about it all. Tell them that it's not only affecting them, but the people around them, too. And she did confront them both separately once, but that didn't go the way she'd planned.

"Carles," Sam had said, rolling her eyes, "We are so better off without GeekBoy around all the time. It was so boring listening to him talk about Tech stuff or attempt to flirt with you. It's better with just us." And then she'd smiled and held her pinky out, "We don't need him, Carles. Best friends forever, right?"

And even though she had wanted to say a million other things. Even though she wanted to object and point out that Sam and Freddie had been much closer than they led on (Hanging out together without her and not telling her what they were doing, keeping secrets from her, her walking in on them talking and laughing and then both blushing when they notice her presence) – even though she's dying to point out the fact that whenever she looks at either of them now, there seems to be a light, a sparkle missing that had only been around when they were together- and even though she was dying to point out that Freddie had stopped flirting with her over a year ago... she doesn't. She doesn't say any of that. Instead, she bites her tongue and smiles a teary smile, before linking her pinky with Sam's.

Her response from Freddie, was different but still pretty much the same.

"Carly, just because Sam and I aren't friends anymore, doesn't mean it changes how I feel about you. You're still one of my best friends and what Sam and I are going through, it has nothing to do with you. You don't need to worry about it. This is how it should be. Sam and I are better off apart." And just when she was about to sigh with impatience and frustration, he added something else in a low voice, "You and Sam are best friends, Carly. And I'm sorry I got in the way of that, but she needs you. She doesn't need me, she needs _you. _She..." He looked away, "She loves you. She's always hated me, and even though we did get close for a while, that's never changed."

Carly shook her head, "Freddie, she loves yo-" She protested but he interrupted her.

"Please don't. Just... it's better off this way." And then he had smiled brightly and suggested they meet Gibby for smoothies.

And that was as far as she'd ever gotten in the matter. Both of them refused to talk about their past after that. And Carly didn't ask anymore because she hated the sad look in both of their eyes when she brought it up.

But that won't stop her. She promises herself that she will fix things between them. She loves them both way too much to watch them go through this. She _will_ make them realize how much they really do need each other.

.

.

.

"Hey." A voice greets from behind Sam as she invades the snack table at one of her evening AA meetings. She turns around and gasps, shocked to see Eva smirking behind her. Eva is never early. She's usually never even there on time. She always breezes in over half an hour late and usually already armed with a snotty remark in response to anyone who asks why she's late.

"Oh Hey," Sam replies, glancing around to see if anyone else has noticed Eva's early appearance. "What are you doing here so early?"

Eva grabs a cookie from the table beside them and bites into it, chewing and swallowing before answering, "Looking for you."

Sam raises an eyebrow curiously, "Me?"

Eva rolls her eyes, "Well yeah, unless you've got a twin or something."

_I do_. Sam wants to say, but it seems like a bad idea to go against Eva. She probably wouldn't even care anyway.

So instead, she laughs and speaks up, "So why were you looking for me?" She asks, leaning back against the table and trying to make her facade as distant and uncaring as Eva's.

Eva looks around and then motioning for the door, turning around and leading Sam outside. Once the doors to the building close, Eva smiles wider than Sam has ever seen her smile before. Actually, Sam realizes, she's never seen Eva smile. Only smirk.

"Let's ditch." Eva speaks quickly and excitedly, showing more emotion in the one sentence than Sam has ever seen of her.

"Ditch the meeting?" Sam asks, the words not really registering in her mind. Eva wants her to... _ditch_ the meeting? It's funny, but not once has that idea popped into her head. Jumping off of a bridge to avoid coming to the meeting, yes. But just not show up? She had been to worried about getting caught and being sent off somewhere. The consequences for this were bigger than if she were just skipping school. If she didn't do this, she would have to go back to court and the judge already told her that they weren't playing around anymore. This wouldn't be like the times she had been arrested for minor crime. This was big.

Eva rolled her eyes, her voice falling flat again, "Duh. What else would we ditch?"

"But if I don't go, I'll have to go back to court..."

Eva shook her head, "No. You just have to go to a certain number of meetings. You don't have to go to them all in a row. You can skip a couple."

Sam's eyebrows knit together, "Are you sure about that?"

Eva tapped her foot impatiently, adjusting her leather jacket, "Yea! Look, if you don't want to come that's fine. I'll go by myself and you can be a good girl and go listen to a bunch of old ladies prattle on about how they're 'okay' and they've 'beat it' and all that shit. Go ahead." Eva said, sarcasm dripping from her voice. She turned around and began walking away.

Sam hurried after her, struggling to sound nonchalant, "No, no. I'm good. I'd rather hang with you."

Eva turned to face Sam, looking her over, before smiling as brightly as she was before, "Good. I knew you were cool."

.

.

.

At a quarter to ten, Sam and Eva pulled up at a 21 and older club a few towns over.

After leaving the building where the meeting was being held, Eva and Sam had went back to Eva's house. There, they raided Eva's closet and got ready to go to the club. It had been 8:30 by the time they had made it to Eva's, seeing as Eva had left her car at home and they had to walk.

As Sam tried on a leopard print skirt she'd found in the pile at the bottom of Eva's closet, Eva appeared, sipping from a bottle of wine, and offered Sam some. Sam had stared at the bottle, wondering if it was worth wasting everything she had been through. After meeting with Gloria that night at the diner, she had stopped drinking again. She looked up at Eva, seeing her weary and non caring expression and knew that if she didn't drink, Eva probably wouldn't say anything.

But she also knew that if she didn't have any, Eva would change her mind about Sam being cool. She would probably think she was a big prissy baby. And Sam wanted so badly for Eva to like her, not many people did like her now a days. And Eva was cool, and Sam wanted her to think that she was cool too.

So she split the bottle of wine with Eva. And after they finished that off, They had shared a bottle of vodka, before getting dressed and heading off to the club.

Eva was, unsurprisingly, one of those people who could be completely wasted but not act like it. She drove the car like she was sober and she didn't slur her words the way Sam did.

Now, Sam looked up at the bright neon sign above the club that said _Cloud Nine_. She climbed out of the car and peered up at it, thinking of how pretty it looked with the dark sky in the background. Eva walked up beside her and nudged her.

"What are you doing you freak?" She asked, laughing. Sam shook her head and laughed along with her, linking arms with Eva and walking up to the club bouncer. They walked right in front of every one in the line, as if they were celebrities.

"Hey Big Al!" Eva greeted the bouncer, who smiled coolly at Eva.

"Sup E. Who's your friend?" He asked, motioning to Sam.

Eva glanced at Sam, "Oh don't worry about her, she's_ sooo_ cool! Aren't you Sam?"

Sam smiled widely at Eva calling her sooo cool, and then nodded, turning her smile over to the bouncer.

The bouncer nodded, but his face stayed cool and breezy. "Okay then, everyone's here tonight E." He told Eva and Eva brightened up, jumping up and almost falling into the bouncer.

"Ohmygosh! Come on Sam!" She said, grabbing Sam's hand as the bouncer let them through. Eva tugged her inside, searching for whoever 'everyone' was. Sam, on the other hand, was mesmerized by the club's interior.

The music was loud and it was vibrating the ground beneath her feet as she clumsily tried to keep up with Eva. The club was dark, the only lights coming from the signs above the bar and the bathrooms, and the colorful spotlights moving in every directing around the room. There were dozens, hundreds, maybe even thousands of bodies dancing around. She tried to count, but became dizzy even trying. It was so... beautiful in an odd way. The way everyone's bodies were moving every which way and everyone here seem to have no problems. Nothing moving them but the music coursing through their bodies. She wanted to dance with them, right in the middle of the dance floor.

As she and Eva pushed their way through the crowd toward the bar, bodies pushed up against her, all sweaty and smelly, but still beautiful and intoxicating. It didn't smell bad; it smelled like freedom, happiness.

When they finally reached the bar, Eva jumped up onto one of the few available bar stools and Sam followed suit. Eva ordered her a drink that she didn't quite catch the name of, she was too busy enjoying the music and looking at the pretty different colored drinks on the wall behind the bar. She was positive that there were bottles of every color that existed. The man behind the counter slid her a drink that was a deep blue and smelled sweet. She lifted it to her lips and sipped. It tasted _good,_ really good. It was sweet and easily slid down her throat and, before she knew it, she had downed the whole glass.

Eva laughed at her, and then downed her own drink before ordering them both another. As the man mixed them, a tall boy with a green and red Mohawk approached them with a short, extremely skinny girl with long jet black hair.

The music was extremely loud and the boy and girl nearly had to shout to be heard. They greeted Eva and Eva greeted them back. Eva introduced them all and Sam learned that the boy's name was Spider and the girls name was Kae.

The boy nodded a greeting at her but the girl walked right up to her and wrapped her arms around her, embracing her in a tight hug. She smelled like chocolate and cigarette smoke. When she pulled away, she laughed and gave Sam a warm smile. And, despite how odd the whole thing was, Sam found herself smiling back at her.

"You guys wanna dance?" Kae asked in a surprisingly sweet and high pitched voice that contrasted with her tight black crop top, short black skirt with a spiked black belt, and [you guessed it] black leather jacket.

Eva nodded and finished her drink. Sam did the same before they all pushed their way to the middle of the dance floor. Everyone was moving around her and Kae and Eva were giggling. The three girls linked hands and Spider began moving around on his own as the three girls held onto each other and moved their bodies in the same way that everyone else was. Sam was shocked that she even knew how to dance this way, was surprised that her body could twist this way and that and that her head could jerk and roll so much without falling off.

What felt like a million songs later, three girls and two guys approached their group. Kae and Eva broke away from Sam and embraced the newcomers. As they all greeted each other, Sam somewhow got separated from the group. People's bodies were pushing up against her and she didn't feel as in touch and at one with them all as she did before when she was linked with Kae and Eva. She got pushed further and further away from her 'friends' and she tripped twice, almost falling. As she searched the crowd for Eva or Kae or Spider, she began to get dizzy until suddenly the room seemed to be spinning along with the people dancing around her. She put her hands to her ears, trying to make everything stop spinning.

The music was too loud, and the bodies weren't moving, they were jerking and trashing, knocking into her and moving her this was and that. As she struggled to push her way out, something cold and wet hit her midsection and her legs and she realized that someone had spilled their drink on her. The wetness dripped down her legs and into her socks. The drink that had hit her chest, covered her bare stomach. She had been wearing a tight green crop top and black shorts.

She cursed and looked up, searching for the neon sign for the restroom. When she spotted it, she began pushing her way through the crowd in that direction, the wetness of the drink seeping deeper into her clothes and making her uncomfortable.

When she finally reached the bathroom, she hurried inside and to one of the sinks. There were only a few other girls in there, leaning against the sinks and smoking. Once Sam entered, though, they put the cigarettes out and exited the bathroom. Sam made her way to the paper towel dispenser, pulling out a handful and walking over to one of the sinks. She wet the towels and began wiping her stomach and legs. She didn't even try to blot at her shirt or shorts, instead walking over to the hand dryers and angling her body under in a way to at least dry her clothes. They would smell like alcohol, though.

When she finished, she gave up trying to find Eva. It was a big club and it would be useless to try to seek Eva out. She pulled her phone out and tried to call Eva, but the phone just rang and rang. She noticed that her phone was dying and she frantically tried Eva's cell a few more times. After giving up on that, she frowned.

The high from the alcohol was wearing off and she began to feel nauseous. She clutched her stomach and walked over to the sink again. She turned the water on and flashed it over her face, hoping that would make her feel better. As she grabbed a paper towel and began drying her face, she glanced at her face in the mirror.

At first, she didn't really recognize the girl staring back at her. She searched for her own face in the girl, but couldn't find any trace of the girl she had been many months ago. The girl looking back at her had wet, tangled blonde hair and alcohol soaked clothes. Her eyeliner had run and her blue eyes were dark and distant. She was slouching and and propped up against the sink to keep from falling.

_Who is she?_ Is this what she looks like to everyone else? Is this what she looked like before that accident? Is this the girl Freddie had been looking at for those few months? The girl Carly saw laying in that hospital bed? This girl, she looked so... beat. So tired. Pathetic. She was nothing like the girl she had been before the drinking; hell, nothing like the girl she had been before that party.

She stepped away, looking at the girl in the mirror with disgust. She turned away, facing the bathroom stalls instead. She didn't really know what to do. But she didn't really feel like partying anymore. She stepped out of the bathroom and back into the club but stayed near the wall.

This whole club... it was suffocating. She needed to get out of there. The intoxicating smell from before, was suddenly malodorous and vomit inducing. The beautiful lights and dark club were suddenly scary and dark. The bodies moving around weren't as warm and inviting before. She couldn't _breathe_. She felt claustrophobic like Carly did in small spaces.

She turned around and went back into the bathroom. She pulled her phone out and cursed at the blinking red battery sign, knowing that her phone would die at any minute. She quickly dialed the number and pressed the phone to her ear, praying she would get an answer.

"Hello?" The voice she had been waiting for asked sleepily.

"Hey, it's Sam... I" Her phone beeped, "I need you..." A warning notice popped up, telling her to hang up and that her phone was about to power down, "Club_ Cloud Nine" _She had time to choke out, before her phone hung up and powered down.

.

.

.

Half an hour later, she was standing outside of the club, shivering and waiting, when a familiar black car pulled up in front of her. Sam noticed the car immediately and frowned as Carly jumped out of the passenger side seat. Before she could react, Carly had her arms around her and was sobbing. Having had forgotten to close the door, Sam glanced into the car and saw, none other than, Freddie sitting in the driver's seat. When Carly finally pulled away, Sam frowned at her.

"Why did you bring him?" She hissed. Carly bit her lip guiltily.

"Spencer was on a date at the drive in and I don't have a car..." She glanced back at Freddie nervously but he was staring straight ahead, not having glanced in their direction since they pulled up. "Besides," She gave Sam a disapproving look, "Don't you think it's time to end this?"

Sam rolled her eyes and took a step back. "I don't have time to-" She began, but Carly interrupted her.

"It took a lot for me to get him to even come here, Sam. Please. Just come home. I couldn't..." Her voice broke, "I don't know what I would do if you disappeared again."

Carly's voice sounded so sad, so betrayed, that it broke Sam's heart. She looked again at Freddie but he still had yet to look in their direction. She looked again at Carly's pleading face before sighing and stepping past her, opening the door to the back seat. Carly smiled and got back into her seat in the front, having a little bit of a hard time, seeing as she was seven and a half months pregnant.

When Carly finally settled in and close the door, the car shot forward so quickly that Sam got woozy. She had never seen Freddie drive so fast. But now he was zipping through traffic at an angry speed. His jaw was hard and he continued to stare straight ahead.

For the first time in her life, Sam was kind of afraid of Freddie. She had never seen him so angry. She didn't say a word, not one word, afraid of what his reaction might be. She realized that, other than iCarly, this was the closest she had been to him in months.

Sam and Freddie were quiet during the ride. Carly tried a few times to spark up a conversation, but Sam and Freddie refused to speak to each other and after a while, Carly gave up and spent the rest of the ride looking out the window.

They reached Bushwell Plaza in no time and before Carly and Sam could even unbuckle their seatbelts, the car was off and Freddie was out of the car and storming into the apartment building, not looking back even once.

Sam bit her lip and looked at his retreating back. She could feel Carly looking at her, waiting for her to do something to make everything better. She didn't, though, she didn't do anything. Because she knew for sure now, that Freddie was giving up on her. And it shouldn't hurt, knowing that. Everyone else had given up on her a long time ago. He and Carly had been the only ones who hadn't. But, for some reason, knowing that Freddie- one of the nicest and most caring guys she knew- had given up on her, absolutely broke her heart.


	25. Making Up (and Out)

"Well," Carly breaks the silence that crept on after Freddie left. Sam reluctantly pries her eyes away from the building door that Freddie disappeared through. She shakes her head violently, as if to clear away the thoughts she might have been having.

"What?" She asks Carly, and Carly gives her a duh kind of look.

"Follow him."

Sam's eyes widen, "What? No! Why do _I _have to follow _him_?"

Carly puts her hands on Sam's shoulders and stares her straight in the eyes, "Sam. As your best friend, it's my job to have your back, but also, to tell you when you're wrong. And this time, you're wrong. You know you are."

"But Carly!-" Sam whines.

"No but's." Carly says sternly, "This has been going on long enough and it's time for you to end it. The least you could do is apologize for what happened tonight and thank him for being there for you."

"I am not-"

"Sam."

Sam stands up straight and glares at Carly, "Carly."

They stare at each other for a few moments. Carly crosses her arms over her chest and Sam does the same. They continue to stare each other down until Carly breaks the silence.

"I'm going to tell your AA leader that you drank tonight."

Sam's eyes almost bug out of her head, "CARLY! How could you do this to me?! You're supposed to be my best friend!"

"I AM your best friend, Sam. Which is why I'm sticking to my ground on this one. Go upstairs and talk to Freddie, or I'm going to call the woman up right now." Carly says, pulling her phone out of her pocket as proof.

Sam's jaw drops and she stares at Carly for a moment, but Carly remains serious and defiant.

After a moment, Sam frowns deeply and twists her lip into a pout.

"Carly Shay." Sam says, folding her arms over her chest, she sighs, "You are one tough chick." And then she stomps past Carly and toward the door to the building.

"Yay. I'm a bad girl," Carly smiles to herself, and then turns around and follows after Sam.

.

.

.

.

"I'm going to be in my apartment if you need me..." Carly tells Sam as they part ways in the hallway.

"No eavesdropping." Sam tells her.

Carly feigns a gasp, "Me? Eavesdrop? How silly of you to think that."

"Carly." Sam warns. "I mean it." She points her finger in her face until Carly gives a small smile and disappears inside of her apartment.

Sam stands outside of Freddie's door and takes a deep breath. And then curses herself for being so nervous. Carly had told her that Ms. Benson was working the late shift that night and had left a couple hours before she had called, and normally, Sam would have just opened the door and came in, but judging by the state of her and Freddie's (friendship? Frenemieship? Relationship?) she decides it would be best to just go ahead and knock, which she does. She waits a moment as he, presumably, looks out the peephole and argues with himself on whether or not he should open the door. When he finally does open the door, he looks at her with a cold, angry look on his face.

A face of no forgiveness.

"What do you want?" He says, no emotion in his voice. She's taken aback by his abruptness. He's never been so rude to her, even after she'd screwed up.

"I-I..." She stuttered, and it occurred to her the roles were reversed, he was the indifferent one and she was the stuttering fool. "I just wanted to... um, thank you... for coming tonight."

"Yeah well, It's not like I was doing anything like, oh, I don't know, having a life." He deadpans in a sarcastic tone.

At this she scoffs and any sense of fear evaporates as she succumbs to her knee-jerk reaction to insult him, "Oh yeah because I'm SO sorry to have pulled you away from your action figures and model trains."

His expression breaks into one of anger, "For your information, I had a _date_." He hisses. Her mouth nearly drops to the store and he starts to smirk but his face falls into a grimace.

"Yeah," He continues, "I had a _date_. A date, with Tiffany Steele. A nice, smart, and attractive girl!" He rants, more to himself than her as he paces in his doorway, "I had a date. And it was going well. She liked me and she didn't insult me or argue with me, or make me feel bad about myself. She touched my arm and she looked like she actually _enjoyed_ being with me."

He abruptly turns to face her, his face nearly inches away from hers as he glares, "And then, my phone rings and I excuse myself and next thing I know Carly is telling me that _once again_ you've gotten yourself into trouble. And you know what I do?" He asks her, but doesn't wait for her to answer as he launches back into his tirade, "Rather than tell Carly I can't make it and go sit back down and enjoy my date with Tiffany, Rather than do the _sensible_ thing, I didn't hesitate to go back to that table and tell Tiffany that I had to go. And then I ran, _I ran_ out to my car and I drove off. I left. I _left _Tiffany Steele sitting in Pini's, knowing full well that this was my one and only chance, and I gave it all up. I left, and I went to find you..." His voice softens and drops down to a near whisper, "And I don't know why"

He turns to face her once again and their eyes meet. His eyes are genuinely confused, but sincere. Not full of regret or anger as she suspected. He puts his arm on her shoulder and his eyes begin to portray pleading- like he's begging her to understand. "I don't know what's wrong with me." He says and at this she drops her head (and his eyes) and looks at the ground, studying her feet. He continues on, "All I know is that I was on this date with a girl-a girl who didn't eat through my wallet or call me names, or argue with everything I said- this girl who really and truly liked me and wanted to be with me, but all I could think about the whole time is that I'd rather be sitting in the Groovy Smoothie with you trying to see who can drink the most smoothies without getting a brain freeze. Or aiding you in one of your hilarious yet creatively thought out plans, or being dragged out on yet another one of your crazy adventures." At this, she smiles, but doesn't look up

"You know what was wrong with that girl? That girl who seems so perfect. Do you know why I can't be with her?" He asks her. She still won't look at him so he takes the other hand that isn't on her shoulder and lifts her chin with his finger until she is looking him in the eye. When they're looking directly into each others' eyes like that he realizes how close they've gotten, only a few inches between them. And as he looks into her eyes she stares back at him, her blue eyes looking like the ocean during a thunder storm- chaotic. But he sees something else there, this barely concealed emotion, one that he's never seen on Sam before- he sees vulnerability. And it's at that moment that he realizes that Sam had let him in. She had let her walls down a little bit and let him get a foot inside. He knew that it would take much more to get her to open all the way up and let him all the way in, but just cracking the door is a big step for her.

It's that emotion from Sam that allows Freddie to continue, "I couldn't keep seeing her because, while she was just the kind of girl I always thought that I would be with- she was incredibly boring. It was like being on a date with a sibling of mine. And that's the same way it was with Carly. It never felt quite right. I was sitting there, trying so hard to enjoy it, but I couldn't. It just felt like there was something missing. She just wasn't..." He pauses and stops himself just short of saying _you_. Her blue eyes pierce into his brown ones and he continues on, "Right. She wasn't the right girl for me.

Her breath catches and she forgets for a few moments that she has to be strong and mean and _closed. _Suddenly, her walls are down and there's nothing to stop her from letting go and_ feeling _everything; heat radiating off of his body as his brown irises pierce into her blue ones. The way that their faces are merely inches away from each other, their breath mingling in the air. She can smell the familiar scent of laundry detergent and cinnamon radiating off of him.

He's staring down at her with those chocolatey brown eyes, saying these words that are sweeter than anything anyone has ever said to her before, and it's by sheer willpower that she doesn't close the small space between them and kiss him. The desire to do so fills her body and shocks her. She's overcome with the desire to breathe him in, to touch him, feel him, _have_ him. In that moment, she _wants_ him so bad it almost hurts. It is then that she realizes that she is completely in love with a nub.

It happens suddenly. And she doesn't know if it's the alcohol or the intensity of the desire she feels for him then, but next thing she knows his lips are on hers and her lips are on his and she can't handle it. Her heart is beating, her heart is beating louder and harder than it ever has before and she loves it. She's never felt so alive and the feeling is... wonderful. Because she's never felt so complete before. And she knows it's a cliché, but their relationship is one big cliché. But the feeling coursing through her body is wonderful, and it's not the alcohol anymore. The alcohol, it made things pretty; the kiss, it made things real.

Her hands wind their way into his short hair and his hands are gripping her waist hard. He's pulling her toward him as if he can't get her close enough and she collapses into him. The alcohol in her breath mixes with the taste of his after dinner mint. As the kiss becomes more intense, their tongues begin to battle for dominance and his hands are moving up and down her back, always trying to pull her closer. They lose themselves in the kiss, it goes on for what feels like forever but was probably only a few minutes. Finally, they pull apart for air.

There's silence as they both catch their breath and stare at each other with shocked, yet lust filled looks. He runs a hand through his hair and she bites her lip as he does so. Their eyes never stray away from each other. The ever present sexual tension between them is so thick in that moment that it could choke them. He struggles to find something to say to fill the silence. He has no such luck and instead, says lamely,

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She shakes her head, "Nope."

"So what do you want to do?" He asks, quite obviously staring at her lips.

She gives a small smile and, before he knows it, she's pressed up against him again, her lips meeting his in a hungry and passionate kiss. They continue their tongue war for several moments before pulling away for air. She breathes haggardly and mumbles against his lips, "Is your mom home?"

He shakes his head and reaches behind him to open the door, capturing her lips again as he does so. They stumble backwards into the apart, never breaking away and she pushes the door closed with her foot. They rip each others jackets off as they stumble down the hall way into his bed room. She pulls his shirt off and pushes him back onto his bed. He stares at her hungrily as she climbs on top of him, straddling him and pulling her own shirt off. He takes her upper body in and licks his lips as he admires her. She gives a seductive smile as she watches him eye her. She leans down to begin kissing her again before his paranoia gets the best of him. He holds her back and looks into her eyes curiously, not masking the lust also present in his eyes.

"Are you sure this is okay? This isn't just the alcohol talking?" He asks and she rolls her eyes.

"You're such a nub," She says. As he begins to protest and demand a better answer, she leans down and kisses him, much slower and more passionate before. A kiss not of lust but... something bigger. Her lips on his and her hands grazing up and down his chest silence him as he drops his worries and happily kisses her back.


	26. Confessions

_**A/N: At this point in the story, Carly is about 8 1/2 months pregnant.**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly and all of that good stuff. And also, I , personally , do not believe in drinking/drugs or premarital sex. The presence of these acts in the story are for fictional use only and I do not support the decisions made by these characters.**_

He really shouldn't be surprised to wake up and find her gone. The only thing left of her being the scent of strawberry shampoo and a smoky meat smell.

He really should feel stupid for thinking that after giving him – though he would never admit it- the time of his life, that she might actually stick around.

He should have known that she would run. That she would realize how much the alcohol really was affecting her, and leave. She always was a runner.

He wakes up from dreams of her to find himself alone, her spot vacant and cold. He stupidly tries to call her but gets the machine. _Of course._ He thinks. He tries not to feel to hurt that she's gone. Tries to ignore knowing that what happened last night meant _nothing_ to her. That it was a drunken hook up and that she couldn't care about him _nearly_ as much as he cared about her. But he can't. He can't turn his brain off and he can't forget. So he lays in bed and remembers. Remembers every kiss, every touch, every reassurance she gave him, every sexy smile and every look filled with lust and something else that he (hoped, but) knew could never be love.

He lay in bed for a long time, re-enacting everything over and over again until it was planted in his memory. And then he thought about the fact that she wasn't there, she hadn't stuck around, this didn't mean anything to her. He thought about how she was his new Carly. No matter how bad or mean it sounded, he was now the girl who would want but never have. The thing being, though, that he never really loved Carly, but last night proved to him that (while he wasn't sure it could be called _love_ exactly) he had very, _very _strong feelings for the blond haired nuisance.

Feelings that would never be reciprocated.

He thought about that for hours, so long that his mother (finally back and awake after taking the night shift) stuck her head in and fussed over him.

"FreddieBear, I haven't heard you get up at all today. You haven't even eaten! Come now, get up, I made your favorite: sugar -free organic blueberry pancakes."

He grunted in response and turned over onto his side, away from her prying eyes.

"Fredward! What's wrong? Do you have ticks? Lice? Are you sick? Come on, you need a tick bath immediately. And I'll get my thermometer to check your temperature. And I'll make you some chicken and noodle free chicken noodle soup." He still doesn't move and she reaches out and pulls the blanket off of him, grabbing his exposed arm, "Come on Freddie Poo, Mommy's got some medicine to make your tummy feel better." She tugs at his arm, "Fredd-"

"MOM!" He hisses, whipping around and snatching her arm out of his grip, "I'm NOT sick and I'm NOT letting you give me a tick bath or give me taste free food. I'm FINE. I just want to be left ALONE." He snaps and she puts her hand over her heart and jerks back, "Just leave me alone," He mutters.

She begins to stammer, pieces of words coming out of her mouth but she is unable to form a complete sentence. He's never snapped at her like that before.

"OUT!" He yells again and then turns back over onto his side and pulls the blanket over his face. She hesitates for another few moments but finally he hears the sound of her heels making their way to the door. He doesn't move until he hears the click of the door being quietly closed. He sits up, sighs, and puts his head in his hands. Now, he's hurting his mom because HE's angry.

He sits that way for a moment, before finally jumping out of bed and grabbing his jacket. He's made a decision.

All of her life she's been running away from him. This time, however, he _will_ catch her. And he doesn't plan on letting her go.

* * *

"Hey Carles, Sup Spence" Freddie sighs as he enters the Shay apartment two hours later. He'd searched everywhere for Sam- the fire escape, the groovy smoothie, her house, etc – and couldn't find her anywhere.

Carly and Spencer quickly stop their conversation and look at Freddie with guilty looks. Spencer, always a terrible liar, begins stuttering and nervously giggling as he greets Freddie.

"H-h-Hey Fredman! Carly and I weren't just talking about you, or... Sam or anything," He blurts, shaking his head and smiling a little too hard, "We were just talking about..." He struggles to come up with a cover.

"Eggs!" Carly blurts, jumping up. "I was just asking Spencer to go to the store and get some eggs! I'm craving french toast!" Carly explains, and Spencer jumps up.

"Yeah! Eggs! I was just leaving to go... get those eggs!" He grabs his jacket and runs to the door, clapping Freddie on the shoulder as he passes, "Later Freddo!"

As Spencer slams the door behind him, Freddie turns back around to face Carly.

"That was weird." He comments.

"Well, it _is_ Spencer." Carly reminds him, sitting down on the couch and placing her hand on her large belly.

"Yeah," He heads into the kitchen and grabs a Pepi Cola out of the fridge. "Hey, have you seen Sam?"

"No, I haven't seen her since we picked her up last night." She tells him, giving him a strange look.

"Oh, I'm getting really worried about her. She's not answering my calls, my texts, and I can't find her anywhere."

"Why are you looking for her?" Carly questions, giving him an accusatory look. "I thought you two weren't speaking."

Freddie freezes mid-sip, catching his mistake. "Oh, yeah." He fumbles for an excuse, "I think we kind of made up last night." He says, rubbing his hand against his neck.

"Oh, you made up?" Carly asks, standing up and slowly walking toward him, "You made up... and made out!" She accuses, wagging her finger in his face.

He leans away from her finger and looks at her in surprise. He's actually a little afraid for his life – Carly has gotten quite hostile during her pregnancy. And her standing there- over eight months pregnant, pissed off , with her hand awfully close to his face- is really freaking him out.

"Carly, I can explain-" He begins, but stops as he realizes something, "Carly! Were you spying on us?" He accuses, standing up and glaring right back at her. He's grown quite a bit taller than her in the years, but short pregnancy temper sizes him up well.

"Apparently that's what I have to do since you two are keeping things from me! First the drinking and now this! What else are you two hiding from me? How long has this even been going on?" She begins ranting, her cheeks growing red.

"That was the first time, Carly. Well, I mean, the first time in a while..." He admits, remembering their make out session when she was drunk.

"IN A WHILE!?" Carly exclaims, angry and hurt at her friends' distrust.

"Well, the last time she was drunk and we were going to talk about it but you called and told us you were pregnant and then it never really came up again... and then last night it just... happened." He rambled sheepishly.

"I can't believe you two kissed before this and didn't tell me!"

"Well, you had your own drama and we didn't want to add to it..."

"But you two are my best friends," Carly says, her voice getting softer, "All I really want is for you two to be happy. And for you to feel comfortable talking to me about anything. " Her eyes are watering when she turns and looks him in the eye, "I just want you two to be happy, and if being together is what makes you happy then I'm okay with that. I think it's great."

Freddie reaches out and hugs her as she cries quietly. He holds her for a moment before pulling away and looking at her,

"Carly, I never wanted to make you feel left out or like Sam and I were keeping things from you to hurt you. There was just... so much on and so much drama and we didn't want to pull you into it. And all this time, I was watching Sam and taking care of her while she got wasted and I didn't know why I was doing it. Well, I didn't know until last night at least. I let her do what she did because I wanted to be near her. I wanted her to need me so that I had an excuse to be around her and talk to her and spend time with her. And the more time I spent with her, the more I liked her. And, I don't know if it's love or anything, but I didn't realize until last night that I don't want to be with anyone else. I want to be with her. I want her, Carly. I've never wanted someone so bad in my life. Not even you. And it wasn't even in a sexual way. I was content with just sitting there _watching_ her. Just being _next to her."_ As he rants he walks over to the couch and sits down, putting his head in his hands. Carly sits beside him.

"And last night- _man_, last night- she gave me the best night of my life. I got to kiss her and hold her and I haven't been that happy in years. And I woke up this morning, wanting to roll over and put my arm around her and kiss her and hold her and just _be _with her, but I woke up alone. Do you know how scared, how worried I was? I was worried, not only that she didn't feel the same way for me, but just worried that I didn't know where she was. And I kept calling and texting her and she wasn't responding. My heart started beating really fast and I started to feel anxious and all I knew was that I _had_ to find her. Even if I couldn't be with her, I had to know where she was and know that she was okay." He starts getting choked up and Carly rubs his back sympathetically.

"And I still don't know where she is. She- she was my best friend and now I've... I've ruined it." He says sadly and ends his speech, unable to continue.

"Freddie." Carly finally says, "You know as well as I do that Sam Puckett will not be found unless Sam Puckett wants to be found." He grunts unhappily.

"But," She continues, "I also know that the one person with a true talent for_ finding _Sam Puckett when she doesn't want to be found, is Freddie Benson." She encourages him, and he sits up. He looks at her with red, tired eyes.

"Really?" He mumbles, sounding very much like a little kid.

Carly laughs, "Of course, silly! Now go find her!" She orders. And with Carly's encouragement and blessing, Freddie gets up and heads to the door. He smiles and thanks Carly before she pushes him out with a laugh and shuts the door. He stands in the hallway for a moment, trying to think of the one place Sam Puckett would go to really get away and not be found, before he gets it. He smiles to himself and rushes down the back stairway and to the parking lot. He starts the engine and heads out, hoping that he's right.

* * *

She knew that if she ran, he would find her. It was his job, his specialty. It was only a matter of _when_ he would find her. The fire escape, the Shay apartment, and the groovy smoothie would have been the first places he checked. Her own home and various clubs and bars around town would probably be next. He would scour the city looking for her, and never stop until he did.

Because that was his job, his specialty.

So she went to the last place he would go. The place that would seem so insignificant and random that he wouldn't even think to check there until he had already looked everywhere else.

She watches people shuffling around her, some running to catch their train, some just looking for a corner to sleep in for the night. The Seattle train station was... well, dirty. It was not well kept and crawling with bugs, trash, and hobos. The only people who stayed in the building for longer than an hour were those who worked there and those who slept there. The bathrooms were dirty and the food was greasy. But that never stopped her before, did it?

She's been there more times than she could count. She can still recall all the times she had come here, backpack heavy on her back, running away (or trying to), time and time again. All of those times she left her crazy mother and tried to gather up the courage to purchase a ticket. All of those times she had wandered in, lost and confused, wanting nothing more than to go far, far away.

This time, though, she isn't running away. She's just trying to catch a few moments to think. She had ruined everything, _everything,_ all in one night. She was stupid to kiss him. Stupid to go in his room, lay in his bed, to have him, to hold him, for that one night. She was so stupid to think that she could be the kind of girl who falls in love and wakes up in her lovers arms. She had too much baggage, to much to put up with. He'd leave her in no time (everyone else did). She was an alcoholic, she could finally admit that to herself. She was a raging, insensitive alcoholic. She was a bad girl. The complete opposite of what he deserved.

He deserved someone who would wake him up with kisses and a beautiful smile, someone who would fix him breakfast and tell him over and over again that she loved him. Someone who wasn't so damaged.

But, hadn't he said the night before that that wasn't his type? Good girls like Tiffany Steele and Carly Shay. He'd said that that wasn't what he wanted.

Well then what did he want?

Certainly not _her_. They'd hated each other for years. She'd hurt him (physically and emotionally) practically every day that they'd known each other. He'd said on multiple occasions that he couldn't stand her. That he hated her.

But it was never actual 'hate' that they felt for each other. She knew that. But he still felt strong feelings of dislike toward each other. When had that changed? When had their rage turned to lust? When had the tension between them become a type of sexual tension?

She didn't exactly known when, but she knew that it had happened. Now that she had acknowledged that it happened, she could suddenly see things more clearly. The close proximity between the two- even when they were 'fighting'- and the constantly hitting and mocking, was merely an excuse to be _near _each other, an excuse to _touch_ each other. Her initiating fights with him, was merely to get him to notice her. And after he finally did notice her, even he had come to sort of _like_ their fights.

Last night, he'd looked at her the way that -she realized- he had always looked at her. A look filled, not only with lust, but with a love so deep and so pure that it made her tremble even now.

She was so determined to run away from what happened last night. To ignore it and forget and to pretend that it didn't mean anything to her, but they both knew that she was lying to herself. All that time she had spent guarding her heart... As much as she had convinced herself that the feelings she felt toward him were feelings of hate, she finally had to admit it, at least to herself. Sam Puckett - the mean, heartless alcoholic, was falling harder and harder for one Freddie Benson – the nerdy (and surprisingly hot) good guy.

"Sam?"

She'd been so lost in her thoughts that she had forgotten she was sitting on a bench in a train station. His voice jerked her out of her trance.

"There you are" He said, giving her a small smile. She mentally cursed him for knowing her so well and for interrupting a startling self discovery. She scowled at him in response, although her heartbeat had sped up considerably at the sight of him standing there in front of her.

"What are you doing here, Fredweird?" She asked, crossing her arms.

He ignored her insult, "Can I sit?"

"No." She replied, flinging her legs up on the bench.

"I figured you'd say that," He said. He then got down on one knee and smirked at her.

"What are you doing?!" She hissed, pulling her legs off of the bench and punching him in the arm.

He winced, "We need to talk and you wouldn't let me sit. What, do you not like this position?" He mocked, "You've already taken my virginity. And I promised my mother I wouldn't have sex before marriage."

She punched him again and he let out a yelp of pain. "Shut up and get up here," She said, motioning to the seat next to her on the bench.

He smirked again and jumped up taking the seat next to her.

"Now what do you want, nub?" She asked gruffly.

"You." He said simply.

She practically growled under her breath and whopped him in the arm once again. "You have 30 seconds before I beat the ego out of you." She threatens. He heeds the warning and holds his hands up in defense.

"Okay, okay. But I'm serious, Sam. You can't tell me that last night didn't mean anything to you."

She fought off a blush and stiffened, "Yes, I can."

He read her easily, "Look, Sam. I know you have trouble putting yourself out there. You're afraid of what could happen and you don't want to get hurt, but it's okay to put yourself out there."

She didn't respond and wouldn't look at him, but she scoffed. He sighed and reached out to grab her hand. "Off." She grunted. He pulled his hands off of her as though he'd been tasered.

"Fine. But, Sam, you've known me for years. Since we were kids. Since before Carly and all of the other exes and crushes. You've been hitting and abusing me for our whole lives and look," He took a risk and tilted her chin in his direction so that she was looking at him, "I'm still here. And, newsflash, I'll always be here. Whether you want me to or not."

She still didn't respond and he decided it was time to go to the extremes. "Look, I'm just going to be forward about it. Maybe you can't put your heart out there until someone else makes the first move." He says and slides off of the bench again. He kneels in front of her again, on one knee. She's so shocked she doesn't stop him as he takes one of her hands in his. "Sam Puckett." He takes a deep breath, "Our history together is full of firsts... And I've never liked anyone as much as I like you. Never. Sam, I like you so much. And I know you're going through a lot right now, but I've been there for you before and I want to be there for you now. I want to be with you, Sam. I want to be with you so much that it hurts. So I want to ask you: Sam, will you be my girlfriend?"

She so badly wants to say yes. To jump in his arms and kiss him and tell him how much she wants to be with him too, to give him just the response that he deserves... But she knows that she can't do that to him. Because no matter how much she wants to be with him, she can't. He deserves so much more. And one morning, he'll wake up and realize that. And he'll be out the door, just like everyone else. She can't lose him too. She just can't. So, she does the first thing that comes to mind.

She punches him in the face.

"OW, SAM!" He exclaims, jumping up and clutching his very sore (but hopefully not broken) nose. "What was that for?"

She shrugs, "For being a nub and embarrassing me in public." She stands up and they glare at each other for a moment before he whines.

"Sam! Can't you be sincere with me? Just this once? Just tell me how you feel."

"Nauseated." She deadpans and then sighs at his pouting face. "Look, Fredwad. We can't be together." He starts to interrupt but she continues, " I don't like you like that."

He looks her right in the eye. She struggles to look convincing. "You know," He mumbles, stepping closer so that their noses almost touch, "You' really are an excellent liar." He compliments.

She rolls her eyes and smirks, pushing him away from her. "Whatever, Freducation. I'm not going to be your nubby little girlfriend." She begins to walk away, "Now, come on, Mama's hungry and you're gonna buy me an apology ham to make up for your utter nub-ness."

He reaches out and grabs her hand, pulling her back to him so that they're inches away from each other again. "Fine, Sam. I'll buy you your ham. I'll buy you as many hams as you want. But just know, that I'm not going to give up." It's his turn to smirk as she scowls at him, "You will admit that you like me. And you _will_ be mine." He states.

She stares at his lips, not pulling out of the embrace as she mutters, "Keep dreaming, nerd. "

He breaks into a smile as he pulls away and puts an arm around her. He brings his mouth to her ear and whispers, "I think you'll find that I am a very persistent nerd."

She stomps on his foot and punches him in the gut as they walk off.


End file.
